How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I need to have my experience to count for something

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Editor's note: The following was written by Noelle R. Andrews, author of "Aftermath of Rock 'n' Roll." Read about her book in the article posted earlier today. Some people are born selfless. Mother Teresa, who worked with Calcutta's poor for decades, is a classic example. The caring people who worked with lepers on Hawaii's island of Molokai are another. Other people, like me, take up a cause because some experience has affected our lives in a profound way. Susan G. Koman's sister died of breast cancer. The foundation she created in her sister's honor is one of the best-known fundraisers for this disease. Jennie McCarthy has fought to raise awareness for autism, after her son was given …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Aftermath of Rock ‘n’ Roll

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Like many of us here at Lovefraud, the author of this book thought she met her soul mate. He swept into her life, showered her with attention and affection, and, once she accepted his lavish but far-too-quick marriage proposal, quickly set out to use her, and then destroy her. The cover of this book lists the author as "Noelle R. Andrews," but that's a pseudonym. She wanted to protect her family and her career—she works as a radiologist. The perpetrator isn't identified either—his fake name is Adrian Mammon. This man worked—when he bothered to work—impersonating a famous, now aging, rock star. He treated his gigs as paid opportunities to get drunk and behave obnoxiously. When he wasn't wor …

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Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it is

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." After the sociopathic ex left our marital home, I fell into a vortex of fear, panic, anxiety, and desperation that I had previously never even imagined to exist. At that time, I was unemployed and extremely sick from the autoimmune disorder that had laid me low years before. I was left with no income, no access to joint accounts, no computer to check said accounts, a mortgage that was being "accelerated" into foreclosure, a car loan and utilities that were all in arrears of no less than 3 months, and change in a glass jar. The financial arrears were a complete surprise I had no idea that these accounts were …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He told me exactly what I wanted to hear

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "wantmylifeback41." When I first met him, I felt I loved him before I even knew him. He is the total opposite of me— a short, stocky dark hair Italian with eyes that seemed to focus on my every word. He moved quickly with me, telling me God had sent him an angel and he couldn't wait to begin a life with me. I was so drawn to his looks and him being so attentive on me, I fell for him quickly. Daughters He is nine years younger than me and told me of his abusive childhood from his mother. I felt the need to protect him. He had two daughters at the time who were around 5 and 6 (they are 12 and 13 now) that his mother …

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Dealing with the predictably unpredictable

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When in recovery from a relationship with an individual with psychopathic traits, we must plan for the fact that little will go according to any sort of reasonable plan.  When dealing with these individuals, one of the most difficult things we must accept is our lack of ability to predict the timing of their surprise attacks.  This does not mean that we must live in fear.  However, it means that for our own emotional and physical security, we must be aware and ready for almost anything. I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted to thrive, or merely just survive, it was what I had to do.  I am not unique in that way.  I had to learn to expect the police at my door for unnecessary wellness c …

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Blame your brain – brain science about optimism

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New JerseyI recently wrote about how partners of sociopaths tend to take responsibility when things go wrong in the relationship, figuring ways to make it better. We then blame ourselves for overlooking warning signs early on, and for not leaving immediately when we did see them. Sometimes we blame our childhoods for the vulnerabilities that made us caretakers who overlook and tolerate abusive or rejecting partners. Neuroscientists tell us that our behaviors are about 90% driven by our subconscious minds. That means 90% of what we are taking in from a person on a conscious level is being received by our subconscious minds, not our conscious …

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Triton High School sex scandal: What were they thinking?

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Last fall, a scandal erupted at Triton Regional High School in Runnemede, New Jersey. Three popular teachers—young and male—were arrested for inappropriate relationships with three female students. Two administrators—the principal and a vice principal—were also arrested for failing to report the relationships to the proper authorities. Read: 5 charged in alleged teacher-student relationships at New Jersey high school on CNN.com. Last Friday, Jeff Logandro, 32, and Daniel Michielli, 27, both math teachers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit official misconduct and were sentenced to 30 days of home confinement and three years probation. They are also barred from teaching again in New …

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Revisiting Counseling Therapy

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Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." When I was trying to process the facts about my eldest son, I sought counseling therapy. This was on the heels of having been stalked and harassed by a would-be business partner. At that time, I was what is termed today as a "hot mess." I was attempting to run a commercial art business and was in such a state of hypervigilance and fear-based anxiety that I was unable to function. The counselor was cursory with my issues and ended my treatment after the insurance-allotted number of sessions. I didn't feel that I had accomplished any work with her, though she did allow me to rant and rave about my …

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LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: A tale of 4 wives

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …

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