Most of us want to have a significant relationship in our lives. Even when we have plenty of friends, a wonderful family and a fulfilling job, without a partner, we often feel lonely. Sociopaths specialize in targeting loneliness. Anyone who is looking for a romantic partner is, by definition, vulnerable to being targeted by a sociopath. So how do you protect yourself from predators AND find real love? By following Lovefraud's 3 Rules of Dating. Here they are: Rule #1: If they lie to you about who they are or their life story, dump them The whole point of an intimate relationship is to be authentic and honest with someone, to reveal your true self, and to be loved for who you are. …
Letters to Lovefraud: The coldest man I’ve ever known
Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Marsha” about the coldest man she's ever known. I just wanted to write and share my story. I did some research on all the characteristics of what makes someone a sociopath. My father is a psychologist and knew my situation. He had mentioned the concept that my ex-fiance was a sociopath after everything that happened to me and I didn't think to ask him more about what that meant. After exploring this site with the symptoms, I realized that my dad was 100 percent right. Here's my story: When I met my ex-fiance, it was through a mutual friend. He was charming, funny and seemed to be very witty and sma …
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To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions
Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman — as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. That's why it's so important to trust your perceptions. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect — like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing — these red flags are not …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Female psychopath turned into a snarling, spitting monster
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call her Betty, sent her story. It's a tale of a run-in with a female psychopath who likes to destroy people for the fun of it. I got divorced and moved from Texas to California. I was 45 years old, and was hoping to transition from my career as an RN. I'd worked in the newborn nursery and the increasing numbers of drug dependent newborns were breaking my heart -- I was experiencing burnout. I tried physical rehabilitation for adults, but that too brought me in contact with awful suffering, and I didn't have enough to give my patients. I had a painful divorce and a painful career, and made the decision to pull myself together and start over. That's …
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How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everything
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." She learned the truth about sociopaths the hard way. I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Child of an undiagnosed sociopath
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call him Allen, tells his story of being the child of an undiagnosed sociopath. I know the story starts way before my time with my dad, so I can only tell you what I saw growing up and what I now see in hindsight. I think the biggest thing that I see in him is that he takes no personal responsibility for anything. Somewhere in his late 20's he “found God” — whatever that really means to him — and it was right around the time that my mom finally left him because of physical abuse that he denies to this day. He says that he never laid a hand on her and then when I remind him that I was there that day and saw everything he still denies it. He claims …
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Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery
Book Review: The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Review by Donna Andersen Many, many Lovefraud readers say that after your experience with a sociopath, you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if you haven't been diagnosed by a professional, you're probably right. But what, exactly, does that mean? What happens to your brain on PTSD? And what can you do about it? All the answers are in this book. The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, is the best explanation I've ever seen on the causes, effects and treatment of trauma. I strongly recommend that every mental health pro …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It did not feel right, but I dismissed my discomfort
Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Greenfern." It is a classic story of sociopathic seduction. When I first met the S, I was very young, 22, and in a pretty bad spot. I come from a broken, abusive family and I have been pretty much on my own since 16. I was managing by putting myself through college, working full time, step by step. A year before I met the S, I was hit by a car and the recovery from that sent me into a depression and hardship. I had no family support or insurance, so I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and tried not falling behind. I felt alone and struggling, but managed. I feel like I was a strong young …
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Child abuse is America’s biggest public health crisis, and if you had a sociopathic parent, it could explain what happened to you
UPDATED FOR 2023. I was standing in line, horrified at how a man in front of me was treating his two little girls. The girls looked to be about two and four years old. One of them was in a stroller. He yelled at the older girl — I don't know why. When she started crying, he yelled at her again, threatening to hit her if she didn't stop crying. No matter what the kids did — dropped a blanket on the floor, touched the stanchion rope — the guy yelled. If this father was treating his kids this way in public — what in the world was he doing at home? Make no mistake — the guy was engaging in child abuse, and the kids will likely suffer from it for the rest of their lives. I'm not exa …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Pulled in by the child in the sociopath
By PressEject It seems so odd. I wasn't exactly in love with this person! But I was entirely caught up in his breath, his every sentence, his needs and desires. He charmed me into thinking it was so much more that we shared. I sensed early on he was not exactly mature in conducting a one-on-one relationship. But I assumed I could help guide him and show him how to trust and become closer. He came across as unique, at times humble and often very sweet to be with. I heard his "story" and understood how difficult it had been for him trying to feel close to others and I was honored he felt he could be close to me. The story, a true "pity ploy," pulled me in. But I didn't think twice. …
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