All sociopaths lie. Lying is their most basic and common manipulative behavior, and they are very good at it. But research shows that people can usually identify a lie only 53 percent of the time. Here are nine reasons why you can’t spot the sociopaths’ lies. Most of the reasons relate to them, but a few relate to you. 1. Everything is a lie Once you realize that you’re dealing with a sociopath, you must understand that absolutely anything he or she has ever said to you could be a lie. Sociopaths lie like they breathe. If you don’t have independent verification of what he or she has said to you, it may be false. This may be really difficult for you to grasp. When normal people lie, i …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Bernice." Her new man assured her that he could never hurt her, but it was an empty assurance. I had been out of an 18-year marriage for a year when I met my lovefraud. My husband was a selfish man who enjoyed his pornography. At the beginning I tried to be the good wife, experience things with him. The pornography I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy. I explained to him that for me it was a major turn off, almost sickening some of it. All that accomplished was him watching alone. When the children came along we only grew further apart. Over the rest of the marriage he became more and more independent …
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10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath
Escaping sociopaths (or antisocials, narcissists, and psychopaths) can be tricky. Some disordered partners are violent, but even when they’re not, they’re typically skilled at controlling you through emotional or psychological intimidation, making it hard for you to leave. If sociopaths sense you are pulling away, they will either charm and love bomb you until you change your mind or lash out and make your situation worse. Therefore, your objective is to escape before your sociopathic partner realizes what you are doing. 10 crucial strategies for leaving Here are 10 crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath that will help you get away — and stay away. 1. Keep your mouth s …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name "DamselflyNOTdistressed." She writes about her nervous breakdown that was her sanity speaking. OCTOBER 24, 2012 - That was the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the "nervous breakdown" that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful — it was my sanity speaking. It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an e …
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Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behavior
The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior. The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past. This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them o …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Filippa." She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it. I've been reading Lovefraud for years. I've also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, "I'll show you how to screw over an ex-wife." Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to man …
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Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
UPDATED FOR 2025. Today, if you’re looking for romance, you aren’t limited to searching your local community. With online dating apps, texting and video calls like Facetime and Zoom, you can meet and stay in contact with potential partners in distant cities, states and countries. It may seem like you have worldwide romantic possibilities — but you also need to be on the lookout for sociopaths in long-distance relationships. Quite frankly, long-distance relationships are dangerous. Sociopaths can be difficult to recognize when you’re around them every day. If you only see them in real life intermittently — well, they can run their scams and manipulations almost indefinitely and you will nev …
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Narcissists and hoarding disorder
By Joanie Bentz, M.Ed., LBS, CCBP An A&E reality television series called Hoarders debuted in 2009 and is still popular today. If you have viewed any of the episodes, you probably have a good idea of how hoarding disorder can escalate over time and become so severe that it causes environmental and health dangers, which impair the person from functioning and thriving normally. Typically, on the show, concerned family and friends intervene and seek treatment for the hoarder, and most of the time, with intensive support, the hoarder agrees to address their disorder. The home is cleared out, and the hoarder receives therapy to address the …
Asking the wrong question about coercive controllers
Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim. Where does this behavior come from? A Lovefraud reader sent me an article by Dr. Emma Katz, who describes herself as a “globally respected expert in coercive control, domestic violence and domestic abuse.” I invite you to read the article: She didn’t “pick wrong.” Society failed by creating millions of abusive men. In her article, Katz says there are so many abusers in the world that “we need to stop blaming women for ‘ignoring red flags’ when men turn out to be controlling and abusive partners.” I listened to Katz speak on a few podcasts …
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Book Review: How to Do the Inner Work
How to Do the Inner Work: A guide to self-discovery, empowerment, and emotional healing, by Susanne Madsen Review by Donna Andersen The key to recovery from the sociopath is healing your heart. I’ve said this many times in my blog articles, videos and to my coaching clients. But how do you do it? A new book by Susanne Madsen, How to Do the Inner Work, is a clear, concise guidebook for exactly that. Sociopaths are evil. They create havoc in our lives. Their behavior is criminal, or it should be. And they often get away with their bad behavior with little to no consequences. We do our best to fight them, or at least save ourselves. In the end, we usually need to come to terms w …