Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country's forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths. Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the Unite …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Peggywhoever.” The Perils of Gifts By Peggy Whoever We are taught to believe that people who give us gifts do so out of the goodness of their hearts. That they are kind, caring people. Gift-giving (including meals) makes us think that people love us, or like us at least. NOT. There are people that use gift-giving as a tactic for control, or for a mental tally they keep on what we “owe” them in the future. “I did this for you; therefore you should do this for me.” I propose that anyone who gives a gift should do so freely, willingly, and without expectations of a "payback." I have experienc …
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A story with a moral
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) My friends are always sending me funny emails and jokes. My box fills up with them every day, and some of them I have seen “a hundred” times before and I just delete them. But the following story, though I had seen it “a hundred” times before, struck me today, as it really does have a good moral. An old man, a boy and a donkey ”¨were going to town.”¨ The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame ”¦ the old man”¨ is walking and the boy is riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed”¨ positions. Later they passed some people who”¨ remarked, " …
Defending marriage
The State of New York just passed a law allowing same sex-couples to marry. Opponents of same-sex marriage complain that the practice undermines the institution of marriage. Therefore, Congress enacted the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, which bared federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allowed states to do the same. DOMA also created a federal definition of "marriage" and "spouse". Marriage is defined as a "legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife," and spouse is defined as "a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife." To all those who really want to defend marriage, I say that nothing undermines the institution of marriage more than …
TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I can’t help but wish he was the sweet, “genuine” person I fell for
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a young woman whom we'll call “Krista.” She needs support. If you have any words of encouragement, please offer them. I am so lost and upset. I am 22, I was with a guy for about a year ”¦ he swept me off my feet with his charm and seemingly genuine character. I am a good girl, never got into anything bad, partied in college but never got in trouble. I met my ex out of pure boredom, knew him from high school (he had a terrible "bad boy" reputation). He literally said all the right things, charmed me and I fell hard. He got me with his sad story too (his mom passed away when he was 10 from a heroin overdose, and has 5 siblings an …
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Recovering from a sociopathic relationship is different
A Lovefraud reader asked me what I thought of advice offered on a website called “Womensdivorce.com.” In a post about relationships after divorce, the website says women should start dating as soon as possible. It also seems to advocate that women engage in brief sexual affairs, and find a transitional partner who can help a woman heal, but whom she shouldn't marry. Read Your first relationship after divorce, on Womensdivorce.com. My reaction is that this advice may be okay for someone involved in one of those amicable divorces, where the partners simply grew apart, are still on speaking terms or even friends, and want what is best for their children. The advice is terrible for someone …
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Self-diagnosing sociopathy
A 24-year-old guy described himself in an Internet forum: He doesn't feel emotion, is an excellent liar, becomes bored quickly, and experiences an adrenalin rush when deceiving or angering someone else. He asks, is he a sociopath? I'd answer yes. The post is an interesting insight into how a disordered young man perceives himself and others. Read Self-diagnosing sociopathy on the Dr. Robert forum. …
Advice for women not involved with sociopaths
In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner's wife, who I'm sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce. The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn't apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized. In short, this story offers advice for women co …
Psycho Squirrel
As I was trying to come up with an idea for this week's blog post, my husband, Terry, made a suggestion: “Why don't you write about Psycho Squirrel?” Last fall, we started tossing peanuts in the shells to squirrels in our backyard. We were captivated by the show they put on as they acrobatically chased each other along the fence and through the tree branches. Plus, we liked being nice to our furry neighbors. Most of the squirrels picked up the peanuts and scurried away, burying them to eat in the winter. A couple of squirrels, however, were smart. They learned that humans meant food, and every time they saw us, bounded over to the ground below our back deck. They'd sit on their hind leg …
Book Review: Evil Genes
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) Dr. Barbara Oakley is the author of Evil Genes—Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother's Boyfriend. Oakley's resume reads like something out of a spy novel: She worked as a translator on Russian fishing trawlers during the Cold War, went from a private to an officer in the military, met her husband while working as a radio operator at the South Pole, and is now a professor of bio-engineering. About this book, Gavin DeBecker writes, “Whatever you might believe about the role of genetics versus environment, Evil Genes will take you somewhere you haven't been. Barbara Oakley brilliantly reveals the falseness of one …