How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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People will complain about drums, but not domestic violence

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A guy playing the drums in a Johannesburg townhouse complex drew complaints within minutes. The blood-curdling screams of domestic violence drew no reaction. This was all shockingly documented in an online video released by a South African advocacy group, People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA). Read Video test of domestic abuse awareness in South Africa gets more than 500,000 hits in DailyMail.co.uk. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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It sometimes pays to act like a psychopath … sometimes not

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Editor's note: Be sure to read both articles that Ox Drover links to. By Ox Drover I ran across two articles in NY Times that sort of got me to thinking about how it sometimes does pay off to act like a psychopath—in business or other ways. The following  (quite long) article tells how an Internet seller terrorized his customer.  I think that many people who have been the victims of psychopathic-like stalking can relate to this woman's story. The fact that it was over such a relatively small amount of money is amazing to me, though. The lengths to which this stalker pursued his victim are also amazing to me. Read A bully finds a pulpit on the web on NewYorkTimes.com. This fol …

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The pets of Love Fraud

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My book, Love Fraud, has quite a cast of characters. Besides me and my con artist ex-husband, there are seven other women who he victimized, assorted friends, family and business associates, my new husband, three psychics, a channeler, an energy healer, and seven pets. Why did I include the pets? To illustrate the point that all of life is connected. We are all part of the same universal consciousness. The pets came into my life for a reason—to accompany me through my struggles. In fact, it was with my dog, Beau, that I first ventured into the feeling realm of love. My dog offered me what is so often difficult to find among the humans in our lives—unconditional love. His love was safe to e …

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Blame the victim fallacies

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Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That's the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year. The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states: The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Complaint against the magistrate

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who writes as "Aussiegirl" will be in court on December 6, 2010, seeking an extension of the Violence Restraining Order that she has against her ex-husband. She was already in court On October 18, 2010, because her ex had violated the existing order. The magistrate didn't take Aussiegirl seriously, and she's lodged the following complaint against him. Aussiegirl asks for your moral support during her next court date. I write in relation to the conduct of a Magistrate who tried my ex-husband for a breach to a Violence Restraining Order (VRO) at the **** Courthouse on Monday 18th October this year. My complaint is not about the judicial decision reached …

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1001 Things I Did Wrong In Dealing with a Psychopath

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By Ox Drover After reading Steve Becker's article yesterday, I commented that most of the articles here on Lovefraud that could be entitled “1001 Things I Did Wrong in Dealing with a Psychopath” were the ones that applied most to my own dealings with them. That was meant as a joke, but after I left that comment for Steve, I got to thinking about how right-on it was, joke or not, because I have done so much wrong in dealing with these people. I got my self deeper and deeper into trouble, doing the wrong things in interacting with them. Not that I was intentionally doing something mean or “wrong” per se, but I didn't make choices that led to positive outcomes in dealing with the psychop …

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Clinically Sitting With The Sociopath

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It's disconcerting, no question about it, working with someone who's antisocial, with real sociopathic qualities (forgetting, again, for the moment, the hell of living with such an individual). Recently, I'm struck again, in my work with a client I'll call Howard, by the brew of certain qualities, certain attitudes, certain defenses that strike me as forming a rather sociopathic orientation. Howard is 19. He understands the suffering he's causing others in his life: he can “talk the talk,” meaning that he “gets it” on a cognitive level. He can say, for instance, quite accurately, what he's doing, why it's wrong, that it's wrong, even that he feels bad about it. How badly he really fe …

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No more narcissists in the DSM 5

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Earlier in the year, Lovefraud submitted a comment giving our views on the draft of the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, DSM 5. We commented on the proposed new term for antisocial personality disorder, "antisocial/psychopathic type," and the diagnostic criteria. One of the changes that the DSM 5 committee proposed was eliminating the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. According to an article in the New York Times, not everyone is happy about it. Read A fate that narcissists will hate: being ignored on NYTimes.com. …

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Sociopaths target our dreams

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Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail. In it, I felt like I was reading a rerun of my experience. I was involved with one of those 1 to 4% sociopaths/scammers you've outlined in your website. I lost everything — Long story — you already know it — he was so charming — the love of my life — kind generous, giving, very sexy in and out of bed — Anyways, it's been just over 3 yrs (I was only with him 2 + yrs with a 3-month breakup period. Yep I took him back — Call me a LOSER now and hit the delete button — Wait, please don't.) and I'm living in a mobile home park. Not any of the three properties I had on a golf course.  Sold two of them and the third is heading for foreclosure.  …

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