Lovefraud Blog

Why don’t people get it about sociopaths/psychopaths?

August 8, 2008 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 165 Comments

Two weeks ago I started a series on the treatment of sociopathy/psychopathy. That series was interrupted by the need to discuss the case of the con man who kidnapped his daughter. Now it looks like he also may be implicated in the disappearance of a California couple. The con man, like many in his profession has had a number of different identities. Before I go back to talking about treatment, I want to discuss con artists and the nature of sociopathy/psychopathy again. Donna and I had the good fortune to speak with Dr. Robert Hare this week. I wanted to talk with him about the fact that there is not much in the scientific literature linking psychopathy to con artistry. In that …

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Kidnapping case exposes need for society to learn about psychopaths

August 4, 2008 // by Donna Andersen// 52 Comments

Reigh Storrow Mills Boss, the 7-year-old girl allegedly kidnapped by her father, Clark Rockefeller, has been safely reunited with her mother, Sandra Boss. Last Thursday, I received a phone call from an ABC News reporter who wanted information about women who marry con men. At that point, I knew nothing about the case. The girl's mother had just released a video appeal to the father of the child, pleading for her safe return. But I did know about marrying a con man. After speaking to the reporter for about 30 minutes, I put her in touch with Dr. Liane Leedom and two Lovefraud readers who were willing to be interviewed. Here's the story: How do smart women get taken by con men? The …

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Con man kidnaps daughter from supervised visitation

August 1, 2008 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 30 Comments

It is already Friday and the daughter of Sandra L. Boss has been missing since Sunday when she was abducted from supervised visitation by her father a con artist. On behalf of other victims of love fraud, I want to tell Sandra that we are praying for her and her daughter. We also understand how an intelligent, loving, successful person can be duped. Sandra L. Boss asks for return of daughter Last night Sandra appeared before the cameras to ask that her former husband return the child, age 7. To see the video visit ABC News. She gave the following message: "Clark, although many things have changed, you will always be Reigh's father and I will always be Reigh's mother,We both love her …

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Welcome Steve Becker, LCSW, as a regular Lovefraud author

July 30, 2008 // by Donna Andersen// 23 Comments

Since January, Steve Becker, a licensed clinical social worker and certified hypnotherapist, has been submitting guest columns to Lovefraud. His articles have been insightful looks at pathological personalities. I'm sure you remember them: Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths Psychopaths' cat and mouse game (my personal favorite) The borderline personality as transient sociopath Heeding the exploiter's earliest warnings It's not weakness, but lack of clarity, that exposes us to an exploiter Getting inside the head of the abusive mentality Steve has a private therapy practice based in Westfield, New Jersey, USA. He works with adults, couples, adolescents and …

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After the sociopath, hard-learned truths

July 28, 2008 // by Donna Andersen// 382 Comments

Before I became entangled with the sociopath, I was an avid consumer of self-help books and programs. Although I was successful in my career, I could not get the relationship thing to work. This, of course, was the vulnerability exploited by the sociopath I married, but I get ahead of myself. In my quest for answers—Why was I alone? Why couldn't I find love?—I once participated in a weekend seminar called "Understanding Yourself and Others." After some initial skepticism, I found the program to be helpful. One of the things I remember from the weekend is a pithy little motto: "The truth will set you free—but first it will piss you off." In reference to sociopaths, truer words were never sp …

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Medication used to treat sociopathy/psychopathy

July 25, 2008 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 173 Comments

It turns out that Sandy Brown, M.A. is quite correct in stating that any talk of treatment of sociopathy makes people (particularly women) reluctant to give up on a dangerous relationship. We received a note this week from a woman asking for more info about treatment and wanting to know if there was any hope for her man. He was the only man she had ever loved and she was actually still grappling with the meaning of his diagnosis. This week, I will discuss medications that can be used to treat sociopathy. But before I do I want to make it clear that I encourage people to break away from sociopaths. Remember that the sociopath's doctor and therapist will want you to stay with the sociopath …

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Guidelines for posting comments on the Lovefraud Blog

July 23, 2008 // by Donna Andersen// 132 Comments

In the three years since Lovefraud launched, it's grown from a website to a community. I am always amazed and appreciative that so many people are contributing. New readers arrive distraught and asking for help; other readers respond with caring and heartfelt support. People start to recover. It is beautiful to watch. Thank you all. As we post, there is an important fact that we must all keep in mind. Here it is: Linguists estimate that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication is transmitted via nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expression, body language. None of these cues, of course, are available over a computer. That means when we post written comments on the L …

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Sociopaths pretending to be religious

July 21, 2008 // by Donna Andersen// 152 Comments

Sociopaths like to cloak themselves in a mantel of respect. They seek careers, or pretend to have careers, in fields that people associate with good character, trustworthiness, and authority, such as law enforcement, the military and the clergy. Pursuing a career in religion or spirituality is particularly useful for sociopaths. People tend to trust religious figures simply because they are religious figures, which puts a sociopath several moves ahead when trying to scam someone. A sociopath claiming an inside track to God has a very powerful tool when it comes to manipulating people. Plus, for a sociopath, a career in the clergy is easy—the primarily visible job requirement is an a …

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Book review: Antisocial Personality Disorder A Practitioner’s Guide to Comparative Treatments

July 18, 2008 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 60 Comments

I had a nice conversation with a friend today. She said that part of healing from a relationship with a sociopath is getting to the point where one realizes that sociopaths deserve pity for being disordered. In that regard, we both hope that science will progress to the point where sociopathy is preventable and fully treatable. In this blog I will discuss treatment options for those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Following the format of the book I am reviewing, this disorder is called sociopathy or ASPD and the personality traits that give rise to the disorder are called “psychopathic personality traits.” Regarding whether sociopathy and psychopathic personality traits are …

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Getting inside the head of the abusive mentality

July 17, 2008 // by Steve Becker, LCSW

By Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T Editor's note: The author has a private psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and clinical consulting practice in New Jersey, USA. For more information, visit his website, powercommunicating.com. Let's get inside the head of the abusive mentality. But first let's define abuse. Abuse in a relationship reflects a pattern(s) of behavior that is manifestly (or passive-aggressively) bullying, demeaning, manipulative, intimidating, threatening, coercive, and/or restrictively controlling. The key word is pattern. Most non-abusive individuals perpetrate insensitivities from time to time that may be experienced as abusive. This may make the behavior abusive. But it is the …

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Donna Andersen on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “Truthmatters – excellent, excellent points. Even when we notice our instincts warning us, the sociopaths often try to convince us…”
truthmatters on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “I would like to add a caution to all that ample disordered personalities know that your intuition will kick off…”
Donna Andersen on After the sociopath, proud of my healing: “Eleanor – Congratulations to you and all survivors. And thank you so much for your kind words. You, too, have…”
sept4 on Am I a sociopath magnet?: “Not me, I am one and done! My sociopath ex husband wrecked my life and I have never wanted to…”
sept4 on My psychopathic ex-husband is dead, and his pedophile brother is in prison: “Thank you Donna for sharing. My sociopath ex husband is a convicted criminal and continued his criminal activity after a…”