Dorothy Hooks is a Christian woman who tries to live by the Bible. When she met Cedric Youngblood, she saw a man who never had a chance. His family life as a child had been abusive. He had been in and out of jail. Dorothy saw someone who just needed to get out of the ghetto and learn the meaning of love and family. In Dorothy, Cedric saw a giving, caring woman who wants to do the right thing and help people.In other words, Cedric saw a target. Last week, the Cedric Youngblood story was posted on Lovefraud.com. Dorothy courageously talks about her marriage to the man who she now realizes is a sociopath. But for more than three years, Dorothy focused on Cedric's potential, hoping he would …
Why do we say sociopaths are like animals?
"He's an animal!" is a statement commonly made regarding sociopaths. To those like me who love animals, this comparison is a bit distasteful. However, this week we will see that this statement may indeed be true. Previously, I introduced the idea of the Inner Triangle. The Inner Triangle is a way to understand the hows and whys of sociopathy, and to predict how a sociopath will behave in a given situation. The Inner Triangle consists of our Ability to Love, Impulse Control, and Moral Reasoning. I have already described Ability to Love and Impulse Control, and the relationship these have to the disorder. This week we will discuss the Moral Reasoning of sociopaths. Animals do not possess …
The six steps of healing from a psychopath
There is no straight line to healing after an encounter with a psychopath. No clearly defined path that says, step here, go there. For most of us, there are no tools in our lifeboats that will aid us in the process of letting go so that we can move on to live and laugh and love again. Healing from such an encounter takes energy. It requires a personal commitment to doing what it takes to clear your mind, body and spirit of his or her lies. Healing takes time. When I first got my life back after the psychopath was arrested I looked at the devastation around me and cried. How could a once vibrant, successful, loving woman have fallen so far from her path? How could she have lost her grace …
When authorities do nothing about sociopaths–disaster
Last summer, former Army Pfc. Steven D. Green was charged in the rape and murder of a 15-year-old Iraqi girl, and the murder of her mother, father and 5-year-old sister. The incident took place on March 12, 2006. According to CNN.com, Green and four other soldiers were “drinking whiskey, playing cards and hitting golf balls when Green brought up the idea of going to a house near the checkpoint where they were stationed to rape the girl.” Green was described as “persistent.” The other four soldiers went along with the plan. They all changed into dark clothing and covered their faces. With one soldier posted to guard the door, the other four went in. While one or two of the other soldiers ra …
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“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”
“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder. What is Impulse Control? I'm sure many of you not …
Sociopaths and their smear campaigns
Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman who was married to a sociopath for 16 years. I was a stay-at-home mom until my son entered kindergarten, then I got a job. This was the end of any peace I would have for 10 years. The worst possible thing happened to my husband—the woman he could make fun of for being stupid or having no goals (whatever he would say to hurt my self-esteem) became a huge success. In fact, I made three times as much as Mr. Wonderful. The abuse escalated. He was so obsessed with destroying me that even on a business trip where I was getting an award for being the top sales rep in my company, he was pulling my boss aside and insinuating I was committing fraud …
Love not lovefraud
Within the last 6 months, I received word that my ex-husband (still in prison after having destroyed my life) pledges undying love for me. One of the most disturbing after-affects of a relationship with a sociopath is confusion about love. As part of my own healing, I resolved to study the scientific literature to understand what is known of the nature of love. I will summarize my findings here but also please visit Ability to Love. Attachment is what causes us to stick together Although there are many other species that live solitary lives, humans are social creatures. That means we stick together. Scientists have called this tendency to stick together "attachment." Attachment is part of …
Saddam Hussein, psychopath
In March, 2006, Ala Bashir, a personal physician to Saddam Hussein, published a book called The Insider: Trapped In Saddam's Brutal Regime. For 20 years, Bashir was part of Hussein's inner circle. Saddam had invited Bashir, a plastic surgeon, to join his medical team—an invitation that could not be refused. It was also impossible to quit, even when Bashir feared for his life. So for 20 years, Bashir witnessed the dictator's behavior. “He was certainly a psychopath: friendly and polite, but ruthless toward his enemies and challengers,” Bashir said in an interview with Helsingin Sanomat, a Finnish newspaper. “I do not believe that Saddam Hussein regretted the suffering he caused the Iraqi peopl …
The Inner Triangle: a means of understanding sociopaths
April, 2003, nearly four years ago, the police removed my then husband from my office in handcuffs. Following his arrest, the stories came rolling in. People called to say, “I never told you this but”¦” When the shock of it all wore off, I had to admit I had failed to make the most important diagnosis of my life, that of sociopathy in the man I married. I knew I had to understand, for the sake of my son and myself, why I missed this diagnosis. What did I not understand about sociopathy? Sociopathic traits versus sociopathy I have always been very well read in my field, so the problem was not that I was unfamiliar with DSM diagnostic criteria, The Mask of Sanity, or Without Conscience. I als …
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I grieve for myself and let the psychopath go
When someone dies, we grieve. The process is well-documented, the steps clearly defined though seldom straight-forward. We each journey through the process at our own speed, in our own time. But, regardless of our pace, we must go through each step to come to that place where we can be at peace with only the memories of the one we loved to warm our hearts, as we learn to accept that they have gone forever as we move on. We start with disbelief. It cannot be true. They cannot be gone. We are in denial. And then we move into anger. How could they have left us! Why me? Why them? Why now? Why? Why? Why? Anger gives way to bargaining, trying to find some way to reach peace with the inevitable …