How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Lovefraud Blog

To recover from the sociopath, first recognize the depth of your pain

//  by 

UPDATED FOR 2020 A Lovefraud reader who posts as "LadyA" sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath. I've spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn't understand why I don't feel any better about it. What was I missing? When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could …

To recover from the sociopath, first recognize the depth of your painRead More

High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her

//  by //  1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, Carrie20. We met in high school, he was the cool new guy, the mysterious guy. We started hanging out, then we started sleeping together, I got pregnant. He wanted me to get an abortion I didn't want to so we stopped talking. We were both seniors at this time so by the time I had our oldest we were already out of high school. Life went on, I and my daughter ended up moving 7 hours away, it was then he decided he wanted to be a family. I kept turning down his proposal for a few years until one day I thought, why not? We got married, had another daughter and moved back to our hometown. We took out a …

High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses herRead More

Recovering from a sociopath by living your life

//  by //  60 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2020 You're in meltdown. You've come to the conclusion that you've been involved with a sociopath, and that everything this person told you was a lie, from the details of his or her life to the proclamations of undying love. Now it all makes sense. Now you understand how the unbelievable headiness of the whirlwind romance (love bombing) morphed into the silent treatment, unexplained absences and unprovoked rages (devalue and discard). You have discovered the truth: The person you fell in love with never existed. Everything you saw and experienced was an act designed to exploit you. You are crushed. Overwhelmed by disappointment and betrayal, the emotional pain is …

Recovering from a sociopath by living your lifeRead More

Creepy vibe leads to discovery of ex-wives and criminal history

//  by //  1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call Cathy20. Names are changed. I was 28 years old and widowed from my husband of 10 years. I met a man from NY via POF. He was 38. He told me he had a place, car and construction business in NY. He told me he had been widowed on 9/11, also from his long term gf of 8 years Stephanie, never married and she had 2 children, girls who he helped raise. He showed me tattoo memorials of them — Stephanie, Rachel and Allison. I had 4 small children and little support system but just found out I was to receive life insurance and social security. For 3 months it was bliss, other than I noticed he drank all-out. He t …

Creepy vibe leads to discovery of ex-wives and criminal historyRead More

How to find love after the sociopath

//  by //  34 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …

How to find love after the sociopathRead More

How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targets

//  by //  4 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser"--Socrates It comes as no surprise to me that during this "crisis" of COVID-19, narcissists capitalize on the misfortune of others and use the quarantine to take their abuse and lack of respect to new heights. Divorced and separated individuals are especially susceptible to the narcissist’s pathological rage during a time like this. Let’s examine an example of a narcissist using the crisis as leverage. Rob’s ex-spouse wants 100% custody Rob has children under the age of 11. Rob has partial custody and had maintained this custody arrangement for years, but not without a fight. Rob is a hard …

How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targetsRead More

New! Best of the Lovefraud Blog Series

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Understanding the Sociopath explains, in plain language, the 12% of the population who do not play by the same rules of life as the rest of us. These master manipulators, who have antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders, seem normal at first, but their objective is to use and exploit us. Seduced by a Sociopath explains how millions of people pursuing romantic relationships are charming, affectionate, passionate — and fake. These deceptive sociopaths pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. Learn how they convince you to fall for them, so you can spot the charade and escape. Dealing with a Sociopath explains how to i …

New! Best of the Lovefraud Blog SeriesRead More

Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSD

//  by //  3 Comments

Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call, "Caroline20." I'm a 53-year old divorced woman diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of four years of ongoing abuse by my ex-husband. I had known him for fifteen years and though he had some substance abuse problems, which resulted in our divorce in 2003, his abusive behavior did not truly come out until our reconciliation in 2011. When we got back together he had four years of sobriety and I was thrilled that we would have another chance to be together because I had never gotten over him. It turned into a four-year nightmare within less than a month. He choked me unconscious over a minor …

Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSDRead More

Is the corona virus a psychopath?

//  by //  6 Comments

By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW The current global crisis has me thinking of you, and how folks in relationships with personality disordered people face special challenges during this pandemic emergency. Before we talk about that, let's think about how the novel coronavirus is similar to something less novel to you: the tricky, toxic patterns of folks with anti-social, narcissistic, and borderline personality problems. Listen to Amber Ault discuss Domestic Violence During Lockdown on the Insights with Dick Goldberg podcast Here's what comes to mind for me: 1. Novel coronavirus is parasitic --- exploiting the very life of a human being who was minding their own damned business when the virus …

Is the corona virus a psychopath?Read More

Fighting the sociopathic con man — and winning

//  by //  11 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Lisa20." Names are changed. What happens in Vegas really should stay in Vegas. Unfortunately I didn't take this advice. I was taken to Las Vegas almost exactly one year from the day that my husband died suddenly in a ski accident and left me a widow with two young children. The trip was my "New Years". I made March 1 my new year, the date I was going to make an effort to stop living in the past and move forward emotionally and personally. The man who called himself Alain literally walked into my life while I was sitting in a lounge with my two girlfriends. I didn't see him but he saw me, came up to …

Fighting the sociopathic con man — and winningRead More