How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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I almost married a sociopath, and to this day I don’t know what his motives were

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Editor's note: This story was written by the Lovefraud reader, "marinapearl." I almost married a sociopath. He seemed like my perfect match at first: kind, funny, generous, respectful. We had everything in common. We moved much more quickly than I would have thought possible for me, as I am usually very cautious, but this was unlike any relationship I’d ever had. We were “soulmates,” “meant to be.” Before long we were engaged. Everything was going well, except for when we would argue. Every time we had the slightest disagreement, he would have a meltdown. Nothing was ever his fault, and he always managed to make me feel bad for saying anything. I just thought he was really sensitive, bu …

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Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Emilie": I won't go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It's the same basic story as always and plus, I think there's some kind of email size limit. :) Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I've made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, "if you're going to treat me like crap, then I'm the girl for you!" Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I'm around, but sadly it's true. I was watching a movie last night and was judging the characters on their level …

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Trust after betrayal by the sociopath

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For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist. We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn't have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again. Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not. Trust and human society I wrote previously about Paul …

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10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure

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No wonder mental health professionals don't seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don't even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors. Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen? You're blamed for everything; it's all your fault. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened. You get the silent treatment. Your par …

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Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scam

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My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be "the next Walt Disney."When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it's all in my book, Love Fraud.)So you can imagine my surprise when I heard …

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Dr. Laura Rubiales: Sociopaths, PTSD and the Mind Body Connection

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By Dr. Laura Rubiales After reading an e-mail with the accusatory gibberish/provoking/non-responsibility-taking BS that only a sociopath or other bona-fide Cluster B personality disordered person can seem to write, I found myself with palpitations, panicked, blood pressure rising, on the verge of a spiking migraine and barely able to breathe. I immediately called a girlfriend to therapeutically debrief. In her gorgeous Louisiana Southern drawl she said, “Darlin,’ you just don’t mess with crazy.” In all I have learned about the nervous system from over 20 years of studying and working with sick people, let me tell you why it is best to just “not mess with crazy” from a physiological pers …

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Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s why

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Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for 84 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism — after all, t …

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Living with a Sociopath

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Well where do I start? I guess right from the beginning. 1999 I was 31 when I met the most handsome charming man in the world, I had travelled well, I used to be a holiday rep abroad, so I thought I was a pretty good judge of character…….. I met him on a night out with friends, on a Saturday Night, we talked all night long, I even went back to his place (no funny business) and we talked all night there too!! We arranged out 1st date the following Mon, what a great night we had, he even told people that we were on our honeymoon, such a laugh as is was our very 1st date!! Things progressed very very quickly we met in June, engaged by Sept and living together by October, and it wa …

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After the sociopath: Courage is fear that said its prayers

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Carol18." I’m a 62-year-old woman who left a sociopath husband three years ago. I went online to meet who I thought was my dream man. He was charming; the second date he said I will treat you like no other man has ever treated you before. That was the only true thing he ever said to me. He was romantic my Prince Charming, bought flowers, cards. Then after I fell in love, he tells me he had cancer, had a job as a cook (profile said chef) and financially secure. His car broke. He was sobbing, babe how will I get to work? Well now my savings is drained $3,200, helping him paid off title loans to help h …

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My cousin and the Pennsylvania pedophile priests

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Hundreds of Roman Catholic priests sexually abused thousands of children over multiple decades, according to a grand jury report released by Pennsylvania Attorney General Office on August 14. One of those children may have been my cousin, Terry Smith. Terry lived with his family in Millville, New Jersey, which is less than an hour from Philadelphia. He was a few years older than me. I remember that he was a born entertainer; he always wanted to joke around, play music and sing. I guess that's why the priests liked him. I don't know much about what Terry endured, but I did hear that he went to the Jersey shore with priests, and that he was "passed around." Perhaps he was abused by …

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