How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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12 years later, Phil Haberman still pretends to be military

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Sociopaths just don't quit. Back in 2006, Lovefraud profiled Phil Haberman, who claimed to be special forces (a lie), claimed to have suffered war injuries in Iraq (a lie), and convinced the military to pay him money he didn't deserve (the truth). Over the years, Lovefraud has periodically heard from people who had tangled with Haberman. He frequently created fundraising campaigns for sick or injured dogs that were nothing but scams. Well, Haberman was still at it during Hurricane Harvey, which struck Texas in September. He showed up as a volunteer rescuer, convinced authorities — at least temporarily — that he was military. He took charge of a dozen volunteers, shut down a highway, lau …

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If you must fight a sociopath, you cannot be nice

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Sociopaths do not believe that the rules apply to them. They do not fight fair. Therefore, if you choose to fight a sociopath, or if you have no choice but to fight a sociopath, your own fighting style will need to become aggressive as well. If you're a nice person, if you typically want to do what's fair for everyone involved — well, that doesn't work with a sociopath. A sociopath's objective is not to be fair. It's to win, and possibly annihilate you in the process. To survive the battle, you'll need to act in a way that is probably contrary to your nature. It will be uncomfortable, but necessary. First decision — do you fight? Here's the first and most important decision: Do …

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When your daughter is in a relationship with a psychopath

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Editor's note: The following was posted in the Lovefraud Forum by the reader "freedomformydaughter." This article is so poignant and insightful I wanted everyone to see it. when your daughter is in a relationship with a psychopath* you cannot speak sense to her if you try she will walk out so you go years without being able to talk deeply to her when your daughter is in a relationship with a psychopath she will drop her family values, her morals, her modesty, her purity she will find her value in her use to him as a sexual object she will forget that she is beautiful inside she will forget that she has qualities that make her rare and unique she will forget that she has strengths …

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With a sociopath, the only way to “win” is not to play

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Every week, a chapter of  my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 57B:  No Fairy Tale Ending--Yet  It has been over two years since I finished the first draft of this memoir. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress—intrusive thoughts and memories, sleeplessness, …

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Healing after the sociopath — a long bridge over painful memories

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By Eleanor Cowan I awaken this first day of 2018 to a winter world of snow. Outside my window, sunshine brightens a yellow bus full of passengers lumbering over a mile-long overpass. Even though layers of heavy slush still cover its roof, it’s plowing along. The bridge, dripping with glistening icicles, allows the access to town that otherwise would require a long overland trip. Thanks to hard-working night time crews, the road is clear. It’s been twenty-eight years since I awakened from a freezing burrow of long-term disassociation and managed, with wonderful help, to escape the pedophile I married — a confused, disturbed exploiter who hid behind the respected academic letters stuck …

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Lovefraud reader writes: ‘I hate holidays with a narcissist’

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Editor's note: A young reader has contacted Lovefraud on several occasions. She has realized that her father is disordered, which set her up to meet several disordered boyfriends. I used one of her letters in a video — you can see it here: "How do I avoid dating a sociopath like my father?" This reader writes: I took your advice and stopped dealing with my father because he always has ill intentions. I’m not sure if you recall the last time I spoke with him and saw him was over the summer of 2017. I will reiterate the story. He snapped his Achilles’ tendon trying to show off while climbing a mountain and I became the blame. He compared me to several women on the mountain, stating …

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Once your life has been entwined with a sociopath, there may be no easy fix

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Every week, a chapter of  my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 57A:  No Fairy Tale Ending--Yet  I do not want to disappoint, but there is no fairy tale ending, not yet anyway. That is why my story and similar cautionary tales are so important and why it …

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My sociopathic husband and isolation in my marriage

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During my fourteen years of marriage, even though I could see and hear, I was blind and deaf to the messages coming in all the time, information that slowly, over time, eroded my hope that marriage and children would solve the unresolved grief in my life. One morning in July 1976, I was nursing Teddy while watching the Montreal Olympics on the TV our landlord had kindly loaned to us. In an instant, the pillows that supported my back against the attic wall felt like stone as I listened to a flash news report. Our newborn was asleep when I whispered to Stan, “A child has been sexually abused by her own grandfather in Guelph. What a horrible, unspeakable thing.” All conscious memory of my …

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A sociopath will use what you want and desire to inflict maximum pain

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Every week, a chapter of  my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 56C:  It's Not Over Until Paul Says It's Over It was beyond my control. Finally accepting that, and forgiving myself for the mess that, despite my best intentions, my life had become, brough …

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