Lovefraud received the following letter from a man who posts under the name of "outvth3fog." I thought my past 12 years with my 10 year old son's mother was bad. Well, anyone's worst nightmare became reality in March of 2016. Rewind to summer 2015, to when I had that gut feeling that I was being wronged by her. I didn't understand things then the way I do now, but she would accuse me of having affairs without having anything to make her think that. It made me suspicious of her, especially when she would demand my phone after getting out of work, which I willing gave it to her. Here we were again the same process, that I thought was over. After so many lies and cheating I fell in love …
Sociopaths use our hopes and dreams to manipulate and control
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44C: A Second Honeymoon Finally, I had Paul back. More importantly, I was getting “me” back. Plus, I was going to be able to escape the suburbs and live in the mountains. I had scheduled a few interviews for teaching positions at schools in Connecticut. I cancelled them. My brother was skeptical and downright worried. He thought it was all happening too fast and that Paul had a hidd …
Sociopaths use our hopes and dreams to manipulate and controlRead More
She presented as a sweet person with good manners, but she was a covert narcissist
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "Georgia." My story is three years in a same-gender relationship that began with off-the-charts chemistry. At 6 months the love bombing stopped and things slowly changed. In my personal experience there is a 'lesbian disadvantage' in the narc world because both these relationships often contain 4 of the most common traits; (a) lesbian bed-death at 3-6 months (same as the end of the love bombing), (b) self centered in nature, (c) moves the relationship to intimacy very quickly. (d) promiscuous behaviour & cheating. There were red flags that I saw and ignored which puzzled me because I had no …
She presented as a sweet person with good manners, but she was a covert narcissistRead More
How to implement No Contact
When people realize that that they are involved with a sociopath, the standard advice from Lovefraud is that they should, as quickly as possible, cut the predator out of their lives. That means no phone calls, no e-mails, no texts, and certainly no in-person meetings. It means No Contact. Of course, there are times when this is difficult, as when you work with the sociopath, or have children together. In these cases, you need to implement No Contact as best you can. But let's now talk about situations where it is possible to get rid of the person, such as in a dating relationship. What is the best way to establish No Contact? Clearly, firmly and permanently. The rules of No …
Caution: Sociopaths can be very convincing
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44B: A Second Honeymoon I looked at him. “Are you serious?” “You’ve talked several times about moving to give Daniel a fresh start. Let’s do it. We’ll have to do it fast. We need to make sure we sell the house and have the kids there by the summer so they can meet people and be ready to start the school year. I know it sounds crazy, but how about it? Let’s give us the second chan …
With a sociopath, the “good times” are bait to keep you in a losing game
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44A: A Second Honeymoon As the next school year unfolded, it was as if Paul and I were on a second honeymoon. He started seeing a therapist weekly, and his dedication to change was apparent immediately. When an old college friend contacted me to let me know she would be in the area and wanted to know if I wanted to get away for a girl’s weekend together, Paul assured me he would loo …
With a sociopath, the “good times” are bait to keep you in a losing gameRead More
To parents who have children with a sociopathic partner: There is hope
Editor's note: This story was contributed by the Lovefraud reader who posts under the name "Getting There." I am guessing my story has many similarities to other victims of a sociopath. I fell in love with a façade. Charming, witty, so attentive, madly in love, a whirlwind intense romance followed by a long slow cruel erosion of my personality. By the time I plucked up the courage to finish the relationship some 13 years later, we had 2 children, a daughter and a son. I was convinced that everything was my fault, I was mad and a terrible human being. For months and months, I chanted a mantra, ' This is not all my fault. There were 2 people in our relationship. Life will get better!' This hel …
To parents who have children with a sociopathic partner: There is hopeRead More
No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sex
Two Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped. Read the letters here: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all …
No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sexRead More
Getting over the relationship that didn’t exist
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don't know really with whom I was involved? I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now. How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time acting out the "I love you's", the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act? Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived i …
When your instincts scream, “RUN!,” please listen
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 43B: No Way Out I realize now that this was all an act. If Paul sensed I was going to leave him (and our marriage was going to dissolve on my terms, not his), he needed to do something drastic—appear to care, to accept some responsibility for our relationship, and to be committed to change. He needed to tap my empathy. Paul’s request felt surreal, partly because it was so out of …