UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader. She learned the hard way how important it is to listen to your inner voice.When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I.After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into marriage …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My biggest regret is that my girls were forced to do what I decided
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Missymooz” sent the following e-mail. She describes her biggest regret with a man whom she now realizes is a sociopath.I also was married to a sociopath!! For 15 years!!!! We had 4 children together, bought homes together etc., etc. I just left (for the third time) 2 months ago. I would like to tell my story, just in case it may help someone else out there. I feel very stupid to have stayed for so long. But here goes:I met him briefly when I was only 16, but we both went our separate ways. I married another guy when I was 19. This marriage dissolved when I was 25, and guess who was there to lick my wounds??? It all see …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Here's what she says about your sociopathic partner — no matter how much you want to believe, he is not Prince Charming.Fairy tales — the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps — a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the perso …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thief
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite" describing the heart thief she encountered.He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care.He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he says …
He used me from the start
Editor’s note: A young woman from India recounts her experience with a man whom she now knows is a sociopath. She says, “He used me from the start.”I found out about his disorder just a few days back. I was looking for answers, trying to understand this disorder better and also make sense of what happened to me and that is how I found Lovefraud.com.I met him in 2019, almost 5 years ago and was in a relationship with him since then till about a few days ago when I found out about him. He manipulated and lied to me the whole time. I would have never found out about his disorder had the other woman who he was cheating me with, magically I would say, by the Almighty's grace somehow managed to con …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." After the sociopath, she says, this is the time to learn who she is.Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade.Through some very …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: She was deceiving both of us and living a double life
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call "Roger." He says his girlfriend was seeing two men at once, deceiving both of them and living a double life.UPDATED FOR 2024: First off this is a man's story and I hope it will help other men who have had to deal with sociopathic women. No offense women but most stories here are written by women!So I met my X-fiancee about 3 years at a job function. She was beautiful, sweet, caring, attractive — just seemed like an extremely “genuine” person at the time. We would constantly email each other all day and the more we conversed, the more I was realizing how similar we both were in every way. We were both divorced, ha …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: To the liar named SHAME!
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was sent to Lovefraud by the reader who posts as “Adelle.” She realized she was listening to a liar named shame, and banished it from her life.Looking back now, I realize how much damage SHAME can do. Of course the Spaths do the damage but along the way we pick up things that we think keep us safe. These things that we cling to so tightly do exactly the opposite of what we think they do.Shame was one of my worst enemies in my SP experience. I didn't want anyone to know, what would they say? What would they think of me? They won't believe me!When I finally started telling people about my experience, I got the occasional, “Not you, you're so …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hooked by an Internet predator
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call “Greta.” She writes about being hooked by an internet predator.After being married for 23 years to an alcoholic, being sad and lonely, I was vulnerable and targeted by a sociopath online through Facebook. I live in the US, he was from the Netherlands but living in Italy at time. He sent me a random friend request, I accepted, we talked on instant message chat occasionally for about 9 months and then he zeroed in.He speaks 5 languages fluently and has traveled to many countries. He is very bright and articulate. We had similar interests, especially spiritually, or at least the ill …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina," a senior citizen who encountered a sociopath.I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story.To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune of …