How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 2

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Sociopaths have many tools in their deceptive toolkit. Last week, in Part 1, I explored three techniques "Paul," my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath, used the day after our honeymoon.  (This is taken from my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned , available via Amazon.com).  The three techniques were:  1) framing the conversation to blind me to what was in clear view, 2) creating cognitive dissonance that I would likely resolve in his favor, 3) deceiving without uttering a single word that was untrue.  A barrage of other deceptive techniques, likely common to other liars and sociopaths, followed. "Our Hon …

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‘Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson,’ a two-part documentary on domestic violence in Australia, airs Nov. 24 and 25

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Isabella Cullen's husband, Ben, hit her in the face as he held their child in his arms. Wendy fled her ex-partner with her children. They had only the clothes they were wearing. "Rachel's" injuries are documented by a doctor who runs a forensic domestic violence service. These are some of the stories included in "Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson," a documentary about the "epidemic" of domestic violence in Australia. It airs Tuesday, Nov. 24, and Wednesday, Nov. 25, on ABC in Australia. As the women tell their stories, they describe the same behaviors we discuss here on Lovefraud every day. The stories are chilling. Woman whose husband punched her until she was bleeding in the face as he held …

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10 rules for keeping psychopaths and Cluster Bs out of your life

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Jay Anthony" posted the following as a comment on November 10. It is reproduced as an article so that readers who may have missed it can benefit from Jay Anthony's insight. Highly sensitive individuals are certainly going to suffer from shock, among other deep emotional symptoms, after dealing with a psychopath. I was raised in a highly dysfunctional Italian family so the ability to rebound has helped tremendously in adult life. My childhood was a sink or swim situation of whose lessons I've carried into adulthood. This has made it much easier to overcome the experiences I've personally had with psychopaths/sociopaths (and there has been more than …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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Sociopath Math

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 "It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied.  “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this!  Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began

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My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com  website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …

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What I, as a Highly Sensitive Person, learned the hard way about sociopaths

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  Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email froma reader who posts as "emotionallyraped." She previously wrote the blog post "Highly Sensitive People are perfect targets for sociopaths." Obviously, anyone with a conscience is a potential victim for the sociopath. Among people with a conscience, I would say a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) would be the easiest to detect, right? So, if HSP's are more easily spotted among the population with conscience, then would you agree that HSP's are likely a sociopath's most common target? Assuming you agree, would it not make sense that socios would be experts at feigning the emotions and actions of Highly Sensitive …

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My close call with a sex-obsessed cult

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Seekeroflight" sends us the following story related to her almost being dragged into a cult. In Lovefraud's view, cult leaders are sociopaths on steroids, and engage in mind control over cult members. There is a story from my past that I've wanted to share somewhere publicly, and I am thinking this might be a good place to do so. It doesn't deal with a sociopath directly, but it is a type of situation that those of us vulnerable to sociopaths also may be vulnerable to. I certainly was. It also deals with a specific group which is incredibly dangerous, but of whom there is almost zero knowledge of within the United States even though they are practically …

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Mission almost impossible: Finding mass shooters before they kill

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It's become all too familiar all of a sudden, someone opens fire on people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. In the aftermath, the question is asked: Didn't anyone know that the shooter was disturbed? Sometimes, unfortunately, the answer is no. Matthew Goldenberg, assistant professor of psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine, explains why it's so hard to identify potential mass murderers. Can we pick out the mass shooters before they kill? on LATimes.com. A guide to mass shootings in America, on MotherJones.com.   …

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Do narcissists make better presidents?

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In a recent article in the New York Times, Scott O. Lilienfeld (president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy) and Ashley L. Watts discussed their research into presidential narcissism and success in office. They estimated the narcissism levels of all United States presidents, up to George W. Bush. The two highest scorers on "grandiose narcissism" were Theodore Roosevelt and Lyndon B. Johnson.They correlated presidential narcissism with surveys of presidential performance developed by historians. The result of the study: "Grandiose narcissism" was associated with overall presidential success, but also with unethical behaviors. The Narcissist in Chief, on NYTimes.com. Link …

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