How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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‘Red Flags of Love Fraud’ now in Spanish: ‘Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa’

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Editor's note: If you have Spanish-speaking friends, family or acquaintances, and you want to help protect them from sociopaths, here is the answer. "Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you're dating a sociopath," is now available in Spanish! Forward this article to them. Alertas rojas de estafa amorosa 10 señales de que estás saliendo con un sociópata De Donna Andersen, autora de Lovefraud.com Tienes una relacin amorosa que comenzó como un torbellino de atención y afecto, pero ahora te atormenta el temor de que algo no va bien. O has tenido una relación que era verbal, emocional, financiera o incluso físicamente abusiva. Esa persona ya se ha ido, pero sigues sin comprender cómo te eng …

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Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy Revisited

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Now that I've had my own life derailed by a sociopath, and now that I know up to 4% of the population is sociopathic, I see sociopaths often in everyday life. I also see sociopaths in literature and film.  Yet, before my own life was train wrecked by a sociopath, I viewed these stories and characters as entertaining aberrations, not as anything or anyone about which I really had to worry. Weren't sociopaths rare, and wouldn't I somehow know if such a person entered my life? I'm guessing I'm not that unusual.  Before it happened to you, did you know how high the odds were that your life could be profoundly scarred by a sociopath? Why Aren't We Warned? Why isn't every young adult repeatedly w …

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How to spot terrorists and sociopaths

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[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/ZTksPl2jnfk"]Last Wednesday, Dec. 2, in San Bernardino, California, 14 people were killed and 21 wounded when two terrorists, Tashfeen Malik and Syed Rizwan Farook, shot up a holiday party. Yes, I said they were terrorists, although it took American officials several days to come to the conclusion that two Muslims with roots in the Middle East, wearing tactical clothing and killing innocent people with assault rifles, were, in fact, terrorists. Even after the FBI stated it was treating the bloodbath as an "act of terrorism," U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch "urged the public not to jump to conclusions about the motive for the attack or the couple's ties …

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 2

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Sociopaths have many tools in their deceptive toolkit. Last week, in Part 1, I explored three techniques "Paul," my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath, used the day after our honeymoon.  (This is taken from my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned , available via Amazon.com).  The three techniques were:  1) framing the conversation to blind me to what was in clear view, 2) creating cognitive dissonance that I would likely resolve in his favor, 3) deceiving without uttering a single word that was untrue.  A barrage of other deceptive techniques, likely common to other liars and sociopaths, followed. "Our Hon …

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‘Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson,’ a two-part documentary on domestic violence in Australia, airs Nov. 24 and 25

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Isabella Cullen's husband, Ben, hit her in the face as he held their child in his arms. Wendy fled her ex-partner with her children. They had only the clothes they were wearing. "Rachel's" injuries are documented by a doctor who runs a forensic domestic violence service. These are some of the stories included in "Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson," a documentary about the "epidemic" of domestic violence in Australia. It airs Tuesday, Nov. 24, and Wednesday, Nov. 25, on ABC in Australia. As the women tell their stories, they describe the same behaviors we discuss here on Lovefraud every day. The stories are chilling. Woman whose husband punched her until she was bleeding in the face as he held …

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10 rules for keeping psychopaths and Cluster Bs out of your life

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Jay Anthony" posted the following as a comment on November 10. It is reproduced as an article so that readers who may have missed it can benefit from Jay Anthony's insight. Highly sensitive individuals are certainly going to suffer from shock, among other deep emotional symptoms, after dealing with a psychopath. I was raised in a highly dysfunctional Italian family so the ability to rebound has helped tremendously in adult life. My childhood was a sink or swim situation of whose lessons I've carried into adulthood. This has made it much easier to overcome the experiences I've personally had with psychopaths/sociopaths (and there has been more than …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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Sociopath Math

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 "It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied.  “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this!  Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began

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My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com  website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …

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What I, as a Highly Sensitive Person, learned the hard way about sociopaths

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  Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email froma reader who posts as "emotionallyraped." She previously wrote the blog post "Highly Sensitive People are perfect targets for sociopaths." Obviously, anyone with a conscience is a potential victim for the sociopath. Among people with a conscience, I would say a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) would be the easiest to detect, right? So, if HSP's are more easily spotted among the population with conscience, then would you agree that HSP's are likely a sociopath's most common target? Assuming you agree, would it not make sense that socios would be experts at feigning the emotions and actions of Highly Sensitive …

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