Here at Lovefraud, most of the conversation is about the sociopaths we've encountered in romantic relationships. But sociopaths are equal opportunity exploiters, and are often abusive in some way to almost everyone in their lives. Therefore, we can encounter sociopaths anywhere—especially in the workplace. I recently read a book that's helpful for avoiding, or surviving, abuse on the job: The No Asshole Rule Building a civilized workplace and surviving one that isn't. The book is written by Robert I. Sutton, Ph.D., a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University. Yes, there is a mild obscenity in the title, and the A-word appears throughout the book. Still, I'd d …
Religion, spirituality and sociopaths
Editor's note: This article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Religious and spiritual beliefs are of extreme importance to people. More than their beliefs of themselves, people adhere to religious and spiritual doctrines because they give them a strong sense of continuity, comfort, and meaning. Teachings and rituals often fill in the gaps of what we cannot provide to ourselves or process as a result of living, dying, and the random events in Life that cause us to question, "Why did this happen?" The first thing that an invading culture or nation does is to take away or abolish the re …
Reminder of the brazen lies
I live four miles from where Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey. The bay, dramatically swollen by rain, wind and storm surge, left three feet of water in the ground floor of my home. We're slowly cleaning up the mess. On several occasions, government and agency officials have been on our street to see how we're making out. City officials were walking around the day after we were allowed to return home. A week later, a man from FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) knocked on our door and gave us a flier for disaster assistance. A week after that a woman from the Red Cross stopped by, checking to see if anyone needed services. Yesterday, we had another visitor. A man …
Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehavior
I've been incredulously half-following the media reports of the scandal involving General David Petraeus; his paramour Paula Broadwell; Jill Kelley, whose complaint about harassing emails touched off the investigation; Natalie Khawam, Kelley's twin sister who was embroiled in a nasty custody fight; General John Allen, who allegedly sent "flirtatious" emails to Kelley; and a shirtless FBI agent. This story is so convoluted that it's tough to follow all the characters and allegations. I found a really good summary on MotherJones.com, complete with updates as the story got thicker and thicker: The David Petraeus Scandal, Explained I thought there must be a lesson in this story …
Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehaviorRead More
Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accomplice
Where we find psychopaths, we may find accomplices. There are no shortages of individuals who are ready and waiting to champion psychopaths' causes or support their agendas. This happens in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons. However, if our brushes with psychopathy came by way of romantic involvement, we may have lived through the experience of having been "replaced." This is common because relationships with psychopaths do not endure. This doesn't reflect on us, as we probably once thought. Rather, it is merely a phenomenon that comes with the territory. Initially, we may have been upset or experience sadness and confusion. However, in time, those feelings te …
Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accompliceRead More
Hurricanes, warnings and not wanting to believe
The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore. A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband's drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. T …
Sowing the seed of knowledge
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …
The sociopath’s “loyalty” deficiency
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. The use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) “Loyalty” and “the sociopath” are incompatible terms. We've discussed many traits of the exploitive personality, but let's not minimize a very vital one: deficient loyalty. Clearly, deficient loyalty is a sociopathic characteristic. A deficiency of loyalty can be disguised very well by clever, self-serving rationalizations. But you will not find the case of a true sociopath about whom you will ever be able to say: he (or she) was really, through and through, truly loyal. L …
The overdiagnosis of sociopaths
(The following article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.) Let's be honest. The term “sociopath” has become so commonplace, a very good thing (reflecting the increasingly spacious public awareness of exploiters), that it sometimes seems that pretty much every jerk we confront we're tempted to call a “sociopath.” Now, there's way more “upside” to this than “downside.” And I'd say this applies to terms like “abusive” as well. And thank goodness the concept of “abuse” is now much more widely understood—it's wider public reach, al …
People with bad behavior in the news
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I recently read this article in the New York Times about Lance Armstrong. Armstrong is a world famous cyclist and well known “do-gooder” with his “Live Strong” website, which purports to tell others how to “Live Well and Live Strong.” Armstrong is a survivor of cancer. Testicular cancer is a “young man's” disease and one that I sought to teach my college-aged patients about when I worked as a director of student health. I also have a close friend who is now a middle-aged man who is also a survivor of testicular cancer. It is a horrible disease. Details of doping scheme paint Armstrong as leader It has been rumored for years that Armstrong was “doping …