While preparing for the holiday season, my children and I like to play Christmas movies as we add our decorative touches throughout the house. This year, I caught a portion of the television movie Snow as we worked. Although I was not paying close attention, the premise is that Santa goes to California to rescue one of his reindeer that somehow ends up in a local zoo. This particular reindeer, Buddy, was not expected to ever be able to fly. Of course, as the movie's climax began, I stopped arranging the garland and candles on the fireplace and sat to watch. Naturally, I hoped that Buddy the reindeer would triumph. As Christmas movies go, he learned to fly just in time to escape the "b …
Getting the sociopath out of your head
Not long ago, I heard from a woman whom we'll call "Rochelle." When Rochelle was in her 50s, through a high school reunion, she reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. Rochelle had a crush on him when she was 14. They dated for almost five years, although he always seemed to have an eye out for other girls. When they broke up, Rochelle was heartbroken, but she moved on, married, divorced, and life was reasonably good—until that first love came back into her life. He poured on the charm, and Rochelle felt like finally, after more than 30 years, she had her chance to be with the guy she always wanted. Rochelle left everything to move out of state with him. They eventually m …
Psychopathy is a disorder, not an adaptation
According to Merriam Webster online a pet peeve is something that annoys or bothers a person very much. One of my pet peeves is people of all sorts who say that psychopathy is "fascinating" or worse even assert that it is "beneficial". There is nothing fascinating or beneficial about a disorder that is linked to child rape and murder of innocent victims and countless ruined lives. It also bothers me that professionals who talk about psychopathy in this way are sought after by the press. Several months ago a lovefraud reader forwarded me an article I had not seen. Nepotistic patterns of violent psychopathy: evidence for adaptation? Linda and I wrote a comment on this paper and that comment …
BOOK REVIEW: The No Asshole Rule
Here at Lovefraud, most of the conversation is about the sociopaths we've encountered in romantic relationships. But sociopaths are equal opportunity exploiters, and are often abusive in some way to almost everyone in their lives. Therefore, we can encounter sociopaths anywhere—especially in the workplace. I recently read a book that's helpful for avoiding, or surviving, abuse on the job: The No Asshole Rule Building a civilized workplace and surviving one that isn't. The book is written by Robert I. Sutton, Ph.D., a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University. Yes, there is a mild obscenity in the title, and the A-word appears throughout the book. Still, I'd d …
Religion, spirituality and sociopaths
Editor's note: This article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Religious and spiritual beliefs are of extreme importance to people. More than their beliefs of themselves, people adhere to religious and spiritual doctrines because they give them a strong sense of continuity, comfort, and meaning. Teachings and rituals often fill in the gaps of what we cannot provide to ourselves or process as a result of living, dying, and the random events in Life that cause us to question, "Why did this happen?" The first thing that an invading culture or nation does is to take away or abolish the re …
Reminder of the brazen lies
I live four miles from where Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey. The bay, dramatically swollen by rain, wind and storm surge, left three feet of water in the ground floor of my home. We're slowly cleaning up the mess. On several occasions, government and agency officials have been on our street to see how we're making out. City officials were walking around the day after we were allowed to return home. A week later, a man from FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) knocked on our door and gave us a flier for disaster assistance. A week after that a woman from the Red Cross stopped by, checking to see if anyone needed services. Yesterday, we had another visitor. A man …
Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehavior
I've been incredulously half-following the media reports of the scandal involving General David Petraeus; his paramour Paula Broadwell; Jill Kelley, whose complaint about harassing emails touched off the investigation; Natalie Khawam, Kelley's twin sister who was embroiled in a nasty custody fight; General John Allen, who allegedly sent "flirtatious" emails to Kelley; and a shirtless FBI agent. This story is so convoluted that it's tough to follow all the characters and allegations. I found a really good summary on MotherJones.com, complete with updates as the story got thicker and thicker: The David Petraeus Scandal, Explained I thought there must be a lesson in this story …
Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehaviorRead More
Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accomplice
Where we find psychopaths, we may find accomplices. There are no shortages of individuals who are ready and waiting to champion psychopaths' causes or support their agendas. This happens in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons. However, if our brushes with psychopathy came by way of romantic involvement, we may have lived through the experience of having been "replaced." This is common because relationships with psychopaths do not endure. This doesn't reflect on us, as we probably once thought. Rather, it is merely a phenomenon that comes with the territory. Initially, we may have been upset or experience sadness and confusion. However, in time, those feelings te …
Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accompliceRead More
Hurricanes, warnings and not wanting to believe
The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore. A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband's drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. T …
Sowing the seed of knowledge
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …