There was a time when mental health professionals were trained to see children as intrinsically good until influenced otherwise. If kids came out bad, the parents were to blame. That attitude is changing, writes Dr. Richard A. Friedman, a professor of psychiatry in Manhattan. In reality, parents have limited power to influence their children. Read Accepting that good parents may plant bad seeds, on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …
Stolen Valor Act ruled unconstitutional
All those impostors who lied about being in the military when they weren't, lied about earning medals of valor when they didn't, have just gotten a get-out-of-jail-free card. A federal judge in Denver has ruled that the Stolen Valor Act, which made it illegal to falsely claim any military decoration or medal, is "facially unconstitutional." The law violates the First Amendment right of free speech. Great. Now military impostors like my ex-husband, who told me that he won Australia's equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, so that I would believe he was a responsible and trustworthy man, are free to lie all they want. Lying about military service is protected speech. This is …
Helpful books for people being stalked
By Ox Drover Dr. Sherry L. Meinberg, an educator holds the “world's record” with the FBI for being seriously stalked for the longest time—forty years!—by a combination of her first and second husbands, who brutally beat her and almost killed her. Even after 17 years in a mental institution for the dangerously insane, her first husband, who had written her letters every day of his incarceration, came after her again, and found her. Dr. Meinberg's book promotion says: Research now tells us that one in twelve women in the USA, and a growing number of men, will be stalked at some time in their lives. Over one and a half million adults are stalked annually, with the vast majority of victim …
Sociopath quotes the price of his soul
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who we'll call “Jenna.” At the end, she posts a document written by her sociopathic ex about the price of his soul, which provides a unnerving glimpse into how he truly thinks. Names have been changed. I have spent the last 18 years dealing with a classic sociopath, a man who lies beyond my wildest imagination. I have come to believe that he isn't just evil that is too easy an explanation. Evil people can't help themselves; they can be "born bad." No, this man chooses to be sadistic and mentally cruel. He can be "nice" when he wants to. He has a now four-year-old granddaughter who adores him and thinks her "Papa" hung the …
Dear Abby and the narcissist
Last week I happened to read a Dear Abby column in the newspaper. A woman wrote to Abby that she had been married to a man for 15 years who was controlling and manipulative, along with being emotionally, economically and sexually abusive. The letter-writer termed her husband narcissistic and passive-aggressive, but in my view he may be a sociopath. The woman is filing for divorce. Her dilemma is that her husband projects a “good guy” image, and she fears that if she accuses him of abuse, no one will believe her. Abby's advice was to tell a few close girlfriends what really happened. “The truth will spread like wildfire,” Abby wrote. I wonder if Abby gave good advice for this situati …
Is God A Sociopath?
I've been thinking lately about God, assuming He exists. Mainly, I've been thinking about the Judeo-Christian biblical conception of God, and asking myself, crazy as this sounds, if He exists, Is God a sociopath? I pose this question seriously, and apologize in advance for offending anyone by probing this idea. But consider: You are expected to worship Him. You are expected to acknowledge His perfection. You are expected to live by His standards. You are expected to fear His Judgement. You are expected to please, not disappoint Him. You are expected to do penance when you've strayed from His rules. You are expected to be in awe of, and fear, His omniscience. You …
Murderous partners
I'm going to address a disturbing subject: the motives, the thinking, of men who eliminate—yes, who murder—their partners. But first a caveat: Females also sometimes eliminate their partners and share, I suspect, similar mindsets and motives with male murderous eliminators. And so what I write, here, applies, I suspect, across gender lines. One other caveat—when I use the term “eliminate,” as you might suspect, I'm excluding killings in self-defense, of passion, and as responses to insufferable abuse. This will be apparent as the discussion unfolds. Last, by “eliminate,” I refer to two possible means of disposing of a partner—by one's own hands, or by outsourcing the job. So …
The high cost of locking up sex offenders
Twenty states have "civil commitment" laws to keep dangerous sex offenders off the street after their jail sentences are complete. This year, the programs will cost a total of more than $500 million—five times the cost of regular incarceration. Why? Because of all the behavioral therapists, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists who are treating the predators. In Lovefraud's view, this cost could easily be reduced, because many of the sex offenders are psychopaths, and psychopaths can't be rehabilitated. So the solution is to help those who can be helped, and throw the rest in jail. Read: Treatment for a sexual predator costs a whopping $175,000 per person per year in New Y …
What if he says he’ll get help?
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Callista.” I'll have some comments at the end. This is yet ANOTHER email from a woman who realized she had been with a sociopath. In my case, it's been for 8 years. He fits the bill on all counts, except that while his finances are always a mess, he met me when I was coming out of a divorce and mine were a mess too. So he didn't see me as a "mark" he could use and swindle. He is now paying me support and believe it or not he was not only impeccable about paying it to his ex-wife, he is also impeccable about paying me. This confuses me because he lacks the trait of screwing EVERYONE. Don't get me wrong, there i …
Domestic violence and digital abuse
In a local tragedy a week ago, a woman, Tracy Coleman, her brother and her 13-year-old son were shot to death by the woman's boyfriend, Sharif Whitlock. The murders took place 45 minutes after the woman had filed a domestic violence complaint against her boyfriend. The perpetrator fled the scene and later hanged himself. The case was the lead incident in a story published yesterday by my local newspaper, the Press of Atlantic City. It was entitled, Hamilton Twp. shooting deaths show familiar domestic violence outcome. The well-done story focused on the larger issue of domestic violence. In Atlantic County, New Jersey over the last two years, 13 people have been killed in domestic violence …