A psychologist who treats priests was not surprised by continuing revelations of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. But there was something that surprised him: "It was a surprise for me to see how many psychopaths I met in the priesthood," Dr. Leslie Lothstein said. "Glib, callous, could say anything to you and be charming." Read A psychologist steeped in treatment of sexually active priests, on nytimes.com. Link suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
What sociopaths want: power, control and sex
The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men's physical desires. With that, both women were dumped. Read the letters here: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they'd been used and abused. How …
Why do they kill?
Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams' detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder. The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams' findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits. Because David Adams' findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I'll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals …
Sociopaths As Discarders
In my last LoveFraud article I discussed strategies for vetting your new partner for “personality skeletons” lurking in the “apparent” history. I'd like to focus, here, more specifically (and in more depth) on individuals with a pattern of discarding the people in their lives. Sociopaths and other seriously disturbed narcissistic personality types will have this history—that is, a history (past and recent) that's almost certainly littered with friends, family, and anyone who was once useful, whom they've cast off ostensibly for one or another reason. As best as possible we want to glean this history, if it's applicable and somehow accessible. In such cases, we want to ensure that …
Lovefraud’s comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5
Editor's note: The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is the main reference book used by mental health professionals. Back in February, Lovefraud invited you, our readers, to complete a survey on issues related to the new DSM-5. We will be preparing a full scientific paper on the results of the survey. In the meantime, following is Lovefraud's comment to the DSM-5 committee, which includes the basic survey results. To read the revised definition of antisocial personality disorder in the draft of the DSM-5, click the following link. (The working group has recommended …
How To Avoid Exploitative Partners
While there are no sure-proof ways to avoid exploitive partners (short of entering the monastery), we can reduce our risk of getting too deeply involved with them. Why do I say too deeply? Because if getting involved with an exploiter at all isn't bad enough, getting in too deeply is the disaster we hope to avoid. One of the best (and most under-utilized) strategies to protect yourself is to properly“vet” your prospective (or new) partner. What I have to say ahead is especially applicable if you've been burned by a sociopath previously, and even moreso if you suspect in yourself a tendency to enter relationships with bad-news characters. What do I mean by “vetting” your partner? I …
10 Signs that you’re dating a sociopath
If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath. 1. Charisma and charm. They're smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. 2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that. 3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends. 4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch. 5. Blame …
New York book club to discuss ‘The Sociopath Next Door’
The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., will be the topic of discussion at a New York City Barnes & Noble Book Store on April 22, 2010, at 7 p.m. The event is sponsored by the Non-Fiction Reading Club at the Barnes & Noble at 86th and Lexington Avenue. All are welcome. Event announcement provided by a Lovefraud reader. …
New York book club to discuss ‘The Sociopath Next Door’Read More
The marriage and the monster
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader: I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two when he openly cheated and decided to leave me, then played games of false reconciliation, which in hindsight were so he could have two sex partners. The short end of my question is ”¦ How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage, the illusion of a man you married with the horrible monster he has become in trying to create turmoil in your life and use your greatest love (your child) to hurt you? Range of behavior One reason why it's so difficult to spot sociopaths is because they are not all the same. …
Two terrible stories about sex and children
In Trenton, New Jersey, a 15-year-old girl sold her 7-year-old stepsister to a group of men and boys at a party for sex. Read: Cops: N.J. teen sold stepsister, 7, for party sex on Msnbc.com. In Wales, a 6-year-old was repeatedly stripped, sexually abused and physically assaulted by other children in her school. Read: Horrific ordeal of girl, six, who was physically and sexually abused by 23 of her primary school classmates on Mail Online. Links submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …