Explaining the sociopath

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS If the narcissist comes to you and says, “We need to talk,” what exactly does this mean? Why does the narcissist want to talk to you and about what? And since when does the narcissist ever have the desire to resolve a problem or conflict with you? There are specific ways of communicating that seem to be “cookie cutter” for narcissists. They always communicate with a goal in mind: to get what they want regardless of the cost. I believe narcissists are completely predictable, but one must see the signs from the beginning and study how they establish relationships with others and how the dynamics of these relationships play out over time. Examining a …

What does it mean when the narcissist says, ‘we need to talk?’Read More

UPDATED FOR 2021. Just about all Lovefraud readers share the feeling of being shattered by the sociopath. You just can't get your arms around the experience. "How can someone who claims to love me be so cruel?" "Do you mean he (she) never loved me? It was all a lie?" "I never knew people like this existed!" When you first begin to realize that you've been involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder, you may feel shattered by the sociopath, like you've lost your bearings in the world and you're drifting. You've had your heart broken before, but no previous relationship compared to this. Even if you've managed to get away from this toxic person, you feel lost. …

Why you feel so shattered by the sociopath’s betrayalRead More

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains how to know if a person in your life is dysfunctional or a sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest I want to look at the dynamics of a particular issue that is at the heart of relationships with sociopaths. That issue is control. It's also at the heart of many relationships that although dysfunctional, are not toxic to the point of being abusive and dangerous to one's overall wellbeing. Put it this way: All sociopaths are controllers, but not all controllers are sociopaths. So before I dive into this big topic, don't panic and immediately think that your …

Is Your Loved One Dysfunctional or a Sociopath?Read More

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS The term Dark Triad always fascinated me. The name sounds so ominous – images of Darth Vader from Star Wars come to mind, as if nothing worse could possibly exist in the universe. The Dark Triad encompasses three sociopathic disorders — psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder and Machiavellianism. These individuals are considered to be the most socially harmful of all sociopaths. Still, they often don’t get away with their exploitation forever — they may eventually crash and burn, usually due to self-sabotage. People of the Dark Triad meet diagnostic criteria (per the DSM-5) for Narcissistic Personality Disorder coupled with psychopathy and a Machiav …

How people of the Dark Triad implode: The link is self-sabotageRead More

UPDATED FOR 2021. Sociopaths are hiding in all segments of society. They can be male, female, all races, all religions, all ethnic groups, old, young, rich, poor, good-looking, homely. Only one aspect of their appearance may hint at their personality disorder: The eyes of a sociopath. If you've had any type of involvement with a sociopath, you may have noticed some weirdness about the person's eyes. You may see this in one or more ways, such as: Intense eye contact In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud one of the 10 warning signs is intense eye contact. To gather information for the book, I conducted the Lovefraud Romantic Partners Survey. Of the 1,352 survey respondents, 59% of them …

The eyes of a sociopathRead More

A key trait of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is the lack of empathy. At least, that’s what most mental health professionals believe, and a lack of empathy is included in the diagnostic criteria of the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). But clinical research has failed to establish that narcissists lack empathy. How can this be? Many of us have endured, first-hand, the devastating lack of empathy exhibited by narcissists, antisocials and psychopaths. Well, it turns out that there are two types of empathy, and these disordered individuals often lack one of them, but not the other. When you understand this, you’ll also understand wh …

Narcissists and the lack of empathyRead More

UPDATED FOR 2021 — Evil exists. That was the revelation posted back in 2014 by Richard Cohen, a columnist with the Washington Post. The world once again appears to be a dangerous place, so it seems appropriate to revisit this concept. The impetus for Cohen’s column was the atrocities committed by the Islamic State — the jihadists who overran Iraq, murdered anyone they didn't like, and beheaded American photojournalist James Foley. "I used to not believe in evil," Cohen wrote in his article, The Islamic State is evil returned. Now he does. Cohen compares the acts committed by the Islamic State to those of other purveyors of brutal atrocities Adolph Hitler and the Nazis. In the gener …

Explaining evil – the psychopathic agendaRead More

Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she points out the big similarity between toxic bosses and toxic spouses. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A “toxic” boss can be described in broad terms as being self-centred, controlling (or micro-managing), manipulative and threatened by initiative. Toxic workplaces are generally characterised by in-fighting, mistrust, lack of communication and high turnover. Mis-managers enjoy pitting employees against one another, making empty promises, stealing the limelight and blaming poor performance on their employees. A “toxic” …

What do toxic bosses and toxic spouses have in common?Read More

The New York Times publishes a feature called "Modern Love." Last week they ran an article by a woman who wrote that sociopathy is a spectrum disorder, and she has it. The author, Patric Gagne, says she knew since age seven that she was different. Because she lacked empathy and emotions, she would get in trouble for the adrenaline rush, just to be able to feel something. She was eventually diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Recognizing that getting in trouble could lead to problems in her life, she stopped breaking into houses and instead earned a Ph.D. in psychology. She also got married and had children. Here's the article — please take a few minutes to read it: He m …

Sociopathy is a spectrum — but not so bad is still badRead More

UPDATED FOR 2020: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jason." It's an opportunity to explain the range of sociopathic behavior. My best friend of 20 years I believe is a sociopath. It's very sad because you want to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but after awhile it becomes apparent. He displays all the characteristics of the sociopath. I'm smart, but I can't convince myself with 100% certainty that he's a sociopath (maybe most people can't.) It's hard to reconcile with it. Is there any advice you can give me? Yes, Jason. First I'll give the somewhat easy explanation; then I'll give the more technical explanation. Cluster of traits and …

Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killerRead More