How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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My Story of Lies: His Lies to Me and the Lies I Told Myself

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Gaslit073168.” I met him in spring of 2014 through an online dating site. He was so honest in his profile (sarcasm now, in awe then) about being imperfect. Depression was his biggest flaw, in his eyes. He was sad because his kids live in Japan where he can only see them when he can financially manage to make the trip. It's been this way for a couple years because his now ex wife left him and decided to go home to her family in Japan. This wasn't the only reason he was depressed. He had brain cancer in 1998 that caused him to be legally blind in one eye, a huge bald patch across the back of his head and no tee …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I still love the stupid jerk – what is wrong with me?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we'll call “Lila” she posts as "gruuvygirl." Like many of the women I see on this site, I stumbled here while searching for answers as to why my four-year relationship is so incredibly painful and why I keep going back for more pain and heartache. I feel like I have lost my mind. At the beginning, our relationship was awesome. I was soooo happy because I thought I had finally found “the one” — my soul mate! He was handsome, drove a Harley, liked to do the same things I do, he was friendly and everyone liked him (I thought), he had a house on the lake and a job, but mostly he seemed to adore me. But even at the beginning t …

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Marriage to the narcissist was bad, but divorcing him was worse

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Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call “Mary-Louise.” I was married for 9 years to a man who is a malignant narcissist, very similar to a sociopath. I have 2 kids and we share legal custody. I thought being married to him was bad, but divorcing him is worse in a lot of ways. He had a sex and gambling addiction. He works as a fitness coach for adults and loved the automatic authority that gave him. He took full advantage of the women clients and had affairs with many of them. This was unknown to me until we separated. There were several women he had on-going affairs with over the course of 10 years. Regularly he would invite his fitness clients over to our house f …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Wise Lesbian’s Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships

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Exploiters are everywhere. Personality disordered individuals can be found in all demographic groups male, female, rich, poor, all races, all religions, all nationalities and all sexual orientations. Amber Ault, Ph.D. is s clinical sociologist and a psychotherapist, and also a member of the Lovefraud Continuing Education team. She's written a book called The Wise Lesbian's Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting On with Your Life. Reading the book, I was struck by how much exploitative behavior is the same, no matter what community is involved. There are some dimensions to the experience of becoming involved with a sociopath that are specific to the gay community, …

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Tom Guida, aka Tom Gatto – fake psychologist, fake Special Forces, fake brain cancer patient – is charged with bigamy

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By Donna Andersen Thomas A. Guida, 52, of Toms River, New Jersey, arrived in court on May 29, 2015 to face a charge of bigamy filed by one of his wives. Mrs. Guida signed a complaint against him on February 18, 2015, after receiving Facebook messages about another woman he is married to, a woman he was engaged to, and a woman he was cheating with. Each woman believed she was in an exclusive relationship with Tom Guida, planning a future with a true American hero. They were all wrong. Tom told all the women that he was a Ph.D. psychotherapist who specialized in traumatic stress and bereavement counseling, going into dangerous situations as a first responder. In reality, he is not licensed for …

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The sociopath has changed me and I will never be the same: Part 2 of 3

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader in Belgium, whom we'll call "Enora." Read Part 1. Starting the business was very expensive. We went to the bank for a loan, but he wasn't able to get one, as he was blacklisted by every bank in the country. I had to cosign a loan so that he was able to pay for his debts to the bank. Now that problem was dealt with, we were able to start a business being equal shareholders and equally responsible for everything. I told him that this was something that we would work for until our retirement and that in a year, he couldn't change his mind or be fed up with it. He agreed, but he kept expressing his doubts about me. He felt that …

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Poem artfully describes sociopathic manipulation

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following poem from a reader whom we'll call "Chandra." She says, "My poem is an expression of how it feels to discover all the lies, remembering the well-applied pressure, and sometimes the fear of of living with a sociopath." Origami They start with the basic material. Find the right size and shape. With the right texture and resistance. Then, the adjustments start. The first folds, as important as any others to follow, carefully considered and made. A few more folds. Both large and small, then turn it around. Pressing those folds in firmly, so they take. Adjustments made, worked into the piece, rather than wrong folds taken back. Turn it around. Fold …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He wanted to drive her car, but didn’t want their child

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "ifiwereabird29." I met him in 2009 at my job. He asked me for my number and his wit and funny personality won me over. The first night we talked, we talked for 6 hours straight. I was completely mesmerized. At the end of conversing, he stated, “You and I will be dealing with each other for a long time.” I was elated. I had graduated from college two years prior and I was certainly ready for love. I wasn't the girl who guys often pursued so when he pursued me, I was wide open! I had many red flags but chose to ignore them out of pure desperation. I will admit that I was too ready to jump into a relationship. The …

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‘Magnetic first gaze’ – a poem about my experience with a sociopath

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, Ashley K, sends the following: I recently went through an awful experience with a man who I truly believed was trying to be my friend. A few months ago I woke up to what his true intentions were when his actions weren't matching up with his words and he initiated a discussion with me regarding developing romantic feelings for me. I was targeted by a man who I strongly believe is sociopathic. To complicate matters, he started dating my friend, who I think became the apath and I am the empath. I told my husband and my friend exactly what happened - my husband was upset but forgiving. My friend's words indicated that she believed his story, which, of course, …

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On Tinder: Raising awareness of domestic abuse

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Women in the Miami, Florida area who are scrolling through the dating profiles on Tinder, a location-based dating app, are seeing profile pictures that draw attention to the issue of domestic violence. Women in Distress, a domestic violence center in Florida, sponsored the awareness campaign with fake profiles in the exact place where women are looking for potential romantic interests. The organization also created a YouTube video about  the Tinder campaign, although it has been taken down. I wonder why? Domestic violence charity creates fake Tinder profiles for abusive men in order to show women who are seeking love online how quickly a relationship can 'turn ugly,' on …

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