How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The sociopath left me to go back to his wife 5 times over the past 14 years

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Editor's Note:  This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Tilly Marie." I've been involved with a sociopath for over 14 years. We met at work and fell in love. At least I did. We were both married to other people at the time, and there has been a merry dance led between myself and his wife ever since -- he leaves her, sets up home with me, kicks me out, there's a dramatic showdown, then he ignores me for weeks or months. This has happened five times in 14 years -- that last time being a few weeks ago. I could never fully understand the reasons why he did this, to me or to her. He's painted me as crazy to her and her as crazy to me. Wash. Rinse. …

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I still can’t believe he convinced me to stay

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Editor's Note: This Spath Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Peggy-Elizabeth." I met him in 1997 and eloped in 1998. Even though that little voice inside told me not to, I still married him. I found that I took my vows more seriously than he EVER did. He's cheated on me since day one. He's lied, cheated, stolen money, forged checks, pawned all of MY belongings, used my credit cards, gave my clothes to girlfriends and only he knows what else. Obviously, I didn't know all this then but I had my suspicions, yet when I began distancing myself again, the story of him being a victim of child molestation emerged. This caused a major rift in his family, and now being …

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Never send money to Nigerians or others you meet online

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Lovefraud received the following email from a reader Just want to know if I am right on this. I am communicating with 4 guys on the Internet and all have asked for money. They have all sent me pictures of them and the kids, to prove they are "real." Also have cell phone numbers. They are all in Nigeria "working" and seem to have one problem or another. One has finished his job and has been paid, but cannot cash the check. He wants me to send him money to come home on; I have refused. One is still working in Nigeria and needs me to repay a loan for him because he cannot send money out of the country...I refused. One cannot use his credit cards in Nigeria and needs me to send him …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Hindsight is 20/20; his love was all a fraud (Part 3 – Escape, Freedom and Love)

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "Lil' Bit." This is a three-part letter. Read Part 1 — The Imbalance. Part 2 — Absolute Power. This is Part 3.   We get married and my son goes to trade school Now, it was decided when we left for our honeymoon July of 2010 that the $600 a month X had been collecting since the previous April (and keeping) in rent from my property would become only $300 beginning that August -- allowing my son to then keep $75 weekly for his needs. It was also at this time that my son, following through with his part in our plans for him, began Trade school. He graduated that following May and becam …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Hindsight is 20/20; his love was a fraud (Part 2 – Absolute power)

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "Lil' Bit." This is a three-part letter. Read Part 1 — The Imbalance. This is Part 2 — Absolute Power. Kindhearted people too often are preyed upon by Narcissists  I have known many Narcissists in my lifetime. I had not yet been schooled on the psychology of narcissism though, but looking back now, obviously my education had begun, I just had not realized yet what it was that I was seeing. I chuckle still as I recall X exclaim that he could relate well with all my exes, evil men, drug addicts, pedophiles, violent men and thieves, who like him, once they realized they could not be who they …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Hindsight is 20/20; his love was a fraud (Part 1 – The imbalance)

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "Lil' Bit." This is a three-part letter. This is Part 1 — The Imbalance. I have never been ashamed of surviving what others are capable of, in fact once I fight back the bitterness and anger I fill with pride that it wasn't in my heart to even fathom their true intent. Inasmuch as it hurts to breathe the stagnant air of the world's disease, too many, looking out for themselves at any cost, I would rather endure the hell I have, losing all that others covet in their attempts to emulate what they can only pretend to be. I prefer it be that I don't have it in my heart to see such things e …

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An abused woman’s negotiation with herself

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Writing in the first person, Reut Amit describes a dialog that many abused women know: As long as her partner wasn't hitting her, she could put up with his lies, his cheating, his verbal and psychological abuse, and her isolation. “I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn't cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave,” Amit writes on Huffington Post. With the help of other abused women, she did not wait until the arbitrary red line was crossed to get out of the relationship. He Never Hit Me, from HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by MaryAnn Glynn. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online …

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Not all sociopaths are charming and polished

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Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Leslie Ann.” The names in this story have been changed. I met Matt. I was tired of dating and definitely tired of dating jerks. Matt was stable, not as good looking as the men I had dated before, in fact he seemed a little awkward. He was very kind and polite. I was ready to get married and settle down. He said he had been divorced for 8 years and that his wife has lived in another bedroom for their 18 year marriage and was cold to him but that they had a peaceful marriage. He was starved for love and was so wanting to find his soul mate. He had dreamed of finding woman who looked like me. I'm pet …

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Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or not

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "GoldenGirl.” I remember my first red flag. We were walking to his car on a first date after about three months of telephone conversation after we first met. I was so shocked by what “I” blurted out, that I ignored my own advice. As we were close to his car, I turned to him and said, for no specific reason, “If you ever lie to me I will leave you.” I immediately apologized and said, “I don't know where that came from! I have never said anything like that to someone before in my life.” It is five years later and I dearly wish that I had followed my own advice. I was 65 at the time, had not …

Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or notRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.

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Editor's note: This letter was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Billyjean.” All names in this letter have been changed. Donna Andersen will comment on this story tomorrow. When I met "Joseph," I had been through my fair share of heartbreak. I was a single mum with a five-year-old little girl, who had little contact with her dad, a Swedish national, and, as I was from overseas, I had no family here. No grandma and grandpa for her, no aunties or uncles. I had to be everything. I did my best to give her a happy home. Dating as a single parent is tricky. You have to consider carefully when is the right time to introduce a prospective new partner to your little one …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.Read More