How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Hindsight is 20/20; his love was a fraud (Part 1 – The imbalance)

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "Lil' Bit." This is a three-part letter. This is Part 1 — The Imbalance. I have never been ashamed of surviving what others are capable of, in fact once I fight back the bitterness and anger I fill with pride that it wasn't in my heart to even fathom their true intent. Inasmuch as it hurts to breathe the stagnant air of the world's disease, too many, looking out for themselves at any cost, I would rather endure the hell I have, losing all that others covet in their attempts to emulate what they can only pretend to be. I prefer it be that I don't have it in my heart to see such things e …

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An abused woman’s negotiation with herself

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Writing in the first person, Reut Amit describes a dialog that many abused women know: As long as her partner wasn't hitting her, she could put up with his lies, his cheating, his verbal and psychological abuse, and her isolation. “I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn't cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave,” Amit writes on Huffington Post. With the help of other abused women, she did not wait until the arbitrary red line was crossed to get out of the relationship. He Never Hit Me, from HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by MaryAnn Glynn. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online …

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Not all sociopaths are charming and polished

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Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Leslie Ann.” The names in this story have been changed. I met Matt. I was tired of dating and definitely tired of dating jerks. Matt was stable, not as good looking as the men I had dated before, in fact he seemed a little awkward. He was very kind and polite. I was ready to get married and settle down. He said he had been divorced for 8 years and that his wife has lived in another bedroom for their 18 year marriage and was cold to him but that they had a peaceful marriage. He was starved for love and was so wanting to find his soul mate. He had dreamed of finding woman who looked like me. I'm pet …

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Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or not

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "GoldenGirl.” I remember my first red flag. We were walking to his car on a first date after about three months of telephone conversation after we first met. I was so shocked by what “I” blurted out, that I ignored my own advice. As we were close to his car, I turned to him and said, for no specific reason, “If you ever lie to me I will leave you.” I immediately apologized and said, “I don't know where that came from! I have never said anything like that to someone before in my life.” It is five years later and I dearly wish that I had followed my own advice. I was 65 at the time, had not …

Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or notRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.

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Editor's note: This letter was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Billyjean.” All names in this letter have been changed. Donna Andersen will comment on this story tomorrow. When I met "Joseph," I had been through my fair share of heartbreak. I was a single mum with a five-year-old little girl, who had little contact with her dad, a Swedish national, and, as I was from overseas, I had no family here. No grandma and grandpa for her, no aunties or uncles. I had to be everything. I did my best to give her a happy home. Dating as a single parent is tricky. You have to consider carefully when is the right time to introduce a prospective new partner to your little one …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.Read More

It is so painful to know that the whole relationship was not real

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Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Terry Ann.” Other names in this post have also been changed. He is as romantic and alluring as his designer label name sounds. I met “PQ” on Millionaire Match.com. His profile states he was born in Milan, Italy, I wasn't seeking a millionaire. I wanted a man with a respectable job, status, and stability. We had a whirlwind romance in a two-week period of time before he suddenly had to move from Bradenton, Florida to Couer D'Alene, Idaho. I clearly remember his first phone call to me. His accent was sexy, romantic, and sweet. Within moments, he boldly asked me personal questions, but he was so nice, …

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‘The Stir’ posts about warning signs of a secret life

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Donna Andersen was recently interviewed for an article on "The Stir," part of Cafemom.com. They include: Your gut is telling you something's wrong He disappears or travels a lot He has unreasonable boundaries He lies and keeps secrets The author, Kiri Blakeley, did a great job.You'll want to read the story: 10 scary signs your man is living a secret life, on TheStir.Cafemom.com. …

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Every week the sociopath hooks up with shemale escorts

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This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Carlisia.” The sociopath left me and our son homeless. We were involved six years ago when I became pregnant. He was very upset about the pregnancy and treated me badly, even offered me money to have an abortion. He disappeared from our lives when our son was six months old and found another victim. Three years passed and because something went wrong with my child support I had to contact him again so he can fix it. We started communicating by email and exchanging pictures and he wanted to take me out to dinner to "catch up." I accepted and the love-bombing started all over again. More intense than the first time …

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She is taking everything I own and trying to destroy me

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Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Victor." I met my wife seven years ago. She was still married but told me her husband was abusive and she was working on a separation with him. He left the home and she bought him out (very little equity in the home). About six months after he left I moved in with her. We became engaged after three years and had a very passionate relationship. I was so proud and happy and we were so close. We married in 2011. Everything was great and we really got along well. I did notice that she would never say sorry for anything she did and it was always me that paid for things. We sold the house after I …

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I still feel like a fool for being blinded by love

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 Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Gerald." At age 62, I married a gal I'd been in love with all my life. I'd known her in high school and when I re-connected with her I felt that my two divorces were just dues I had to pay to get "the real thing." I told her that marrying her was like winning the lottery for me. She soon began to manifest some troubling behaviors fabricating supposed cheating incidents that never happened and misunderstanding small incidents. She became hyper-critical of everything I said or did. The first real clue I had to the nature of the problem was when I mentioned a book I'd read, "The Sociopath Next Door." …

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