Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as BentNotBroken. She is having difficulty breaking off an involvement with a sociopath and really needs help.My head is so full that I don't really know where to start.I dated a man (off and on) for 2-1/2 years, and recently found out that he was having several long-term relationships at the same time. I had never been in an abusive relationship, so I didn't know what the gut-wrenching feeling meant. I didn't know to trust it.My mind is playing tricks on me at this point. Is he or isn't he? The signs are so obvious, but then I think of his face, his touch, his words, and I melt. How can this man — this love of m …
5 reasons why you can hook up with multiple sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following inquiry from a reader whom we'll call "Leslie-Marie," who believes that she was involved with multiple sociopaths. She writes:Is it not uncommon for people to have several relationships with sociopaths and/or narcissists throughout their life? I am wondering if you would do a write up on this topic as I find it so difficult to explain to others. They look at me in such disbelief, as if I'm making it up. It would be nice to have something to back me up. I can count 7 at least that I am certain of and have been closely involved with... Would you also consider explaining how this cycle can continue on what is it about us that attracts them or …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who we'll call “Kay.” She discovered that her magic relationship was all about him.Kay and the Loser in Aluminum FoilHe was prince charming, at least to me he was. We liked the same music, the same food, we spoke about the same topics, liked frequenting the same places, everything was so right.My friends, however, had a complete aversion to his instant overbearing interest in all things Kay. He completely immersed himself in my life and was constantly "making sure" I was okay. He made sure he monopolized all my time. He would call me approximately 20-25 times a day. During working hours he made sure he called me at lea …
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6 reasons why sociopaths seem so romantic – but they’re all fake
UPDATED FOR 2023. People who have been in a relationship with a sociopath frequently say that they were swept off their feet in a whirlwind romance. But what, exactly, does that mean?Here are six strategies that sociopaths employ to make you fall for them hard and fast — and why the romance is not at all what it seems to be.1. Sociopaths want to be with you, or in contact with you, all the timeThey call for dates. They want to hang out. They book your calendar weeks in advance. They may go to great lengths to see you — driving long distances or booking a flight. You may feel overwhelmed with the attention, and believe that your new romantic interest is just so smitten with you that he or she …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated
Editor's note: Lovefraud received this letter from a reader who we'll call “Abigail.” She relates how she felt bonded to a man, even after he brutally assaulted her.I grew up very sheltered in an ultra-religious family; I had no knowledge whatsoever about deceitful liars. I should have because my also very innocent and trusting mother was misled by one man like that, who deceived her, promising her marriage, just to end up getting her pregnant (with me) and then leave her and us for good. My family, however, preferred to deal with this issue by keeping it as much secret as possible, so unfortunately I couldn't learn from my mother's mistakes.I have been sheltered in a "glass box" all my lif …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He was snatched from me, even though he wasn’t real
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who we'll call “Janine.” She fell in love with a man that she met online, but he wasn't real.It started back in Dec. 08, I was on an online dating site and came across a profile, his picture was nice, my type, dark hair, nice face, normal handsome looking. Brief description, saying his likes dislikes etc, so I messaged him.From there is went to msn chat and then we exchanged numbers, when he rang me he said sorry if you don't like my voice, I had an operation when I was younger and it has changed it. Didn't think anything of it.We clicked straight away, got on like a house on fire, had the same sense of humour and talked for …
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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired.Well, there are reasons for this.First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice.Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheatingSo sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious downsides:1. Soc …
Games sociopaths play
Perhaps you’ve been making yourself crazy, trying to understand your relationship. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to make your partner happy. You feel confused, dismayed and, thanks to your partner’s complaints and accusations, guilt-ridden. Well, there’s an easy way to clear up your confusion. You just need to understand the games sociopaths play.Here’s the bottom line: To the sociopath, the relationship with you is nothing but a game. What’s a game?A game, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a “physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other.” When you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, he or sh …
To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions
Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman — as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. That's why it's so important to trust your perceptions. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect — like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing — these red flags are not …
How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everything
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." She learned the truth about sociopaths the hard way. I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever …
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