How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: She was deceiving both of us and living a double life

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call "Roger." He says his girlfriend was seeing two men at once, deceiving both of them and living a double life. UPDATED FOR 2024: First off this is a man's story and I hope it will help other men who have had to deal with sociopathic women. No offense women but most stories here are written by women! So I met my X-fiancee about 3 years at a job function. She was beautiful, sweet, caring, attractive — just seemed like an extremely “genuine” person at the time. We would constantly email each other all day and the more we conversed, the more I was realizing how similar we both were in every way. We were both divo …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hooked by an Internet predator

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call “Greta.” She writes about being hooked by an internet predator. After being married for 23 years to an alcoholic, being sad and lonely, I was vulnerable and targeted by a sociopath online through Facebook. I live in the US, he was from the Netherlands but living in Italy at time. He sent me a random friend request, I accepted, we talked on instant message chat occasionally for about 9 months and then he zeroed in. He speaks 5 languages fluently and has traveled to many countries. He is very bright and articulate. We had similar interests, especially spiritually, or at least th …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina," a senior citizen who encountered a sociopath. I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story. To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune …

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12 Seduction strategies from the Sociopath Playbook

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Sociopaths tend to use all the same tactics while reeling in new romantic partners, as if they were all working from the same well-known reference manual. If you were able to find this playbook, written by an alpha sociopath for the benefit of the trainees, here are ploys it would include. 1 . Listen intently to your targets, staring into their eyes and hanging on their every word. This encourages them to keep talking — and everything they tell you can later be used as ammunition against them. 2. Call, text and email your targets frequently. They will interpret your constant attention as a sign that you are smitten with them, and will not notice that you are e …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: They are everywhere and they inflict serious damage

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “Trista.” We previously posted her story, “LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was dismissed with a shrug.” Well, Trista's story continues. I have written to you long ago telling how my S husband destroyed my life. I would never think that I would meet another one, even worst than the first. I wonder why I attract those people. This is a sad story that is still now breaking my heart. I'm giving this to you and to the site. I'm writing from Brazil, where I moved after my divorce. The very first week here I was looking for a flat and someone told me about an estate agent who could help. I went to me …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I want the woman back that I fell in love with, but I know it is impossible

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a man who posts as “Drained.' I guess I have been in a bit of a hole for a while now and have generally been going through a rough time, which in hindsight may have made me ripe for the picking by my sociopathic ex girlfriend. I had been unhappy in a previous long term relationship (prior to meeting my SP) for a considerable time, my ex partner is an amazing person, however we grew apart and were more suited as friends than lovers. I had been in this relationship for 12 years. My father passed away last year after losing his battle with cancer, which was incredibly hard to watch. I have been battling depression for s …

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I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less

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UPDATED FOR 2024: Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call “Chelsea.” Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man! My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was …

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The sociopathic MO in three easy steps

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UPDATED FOR 2024. I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer. After a year, he started going out in search of companionship. He knew my history of being involved with a sociopath, in fact, he knew my ex, James Montgomery. So when he had a bizarre experience with woman he dated for a few weeks, my friend had questions for me. The woman claimed to be separated from her husband, although I’m not sure that was the case. She pursued my friend relentlessly, until they had sex. At some point, she made a comment about “a lion needs fresh meat.” After that, they spent an entire day together, then she unceremoniously dumped him. My friend asked, was this woman kooky like my ex? He told me mor …

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How sociopaths intentionally mess with your mind

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UPDATED FOR 2024. I talk to a lot of people who are, or have been, involved with sociopaths. Time and time again they tell me, "I feel like I'm losing my mind." This is exactly how sociopaths want you to feel. Why? Because if you are confused and unsure of yourself, you are more pliable. You are easier to control, and what sociopaths want is to control you. So how do they mess with your mind? Lies from hello to goodbye First of all, they lie. Now, this may not sound all that terrible, because we all lie from time to time. But normal people lie to get out of trouble or spare someone's feelings. Sociopaths lie because they have an agenda. The lying starts at the very …

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Should I warn the next victim?

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UPDATED FOR 2024: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me.” She asks a very important question: "Should I warn the next victim?" I'll answer her question after her letter. Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had en …

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