How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Lovefraud reader gets con man Alistair Stewart jailed for his £600,000 con

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Nina Siegenthaler, a smart, sophisticated real estate agent in the Turks and Caicos Islands, called me about 18 months ago, trying to figure out what had happened to her. She lost £600,000 to a British con man who posed as a former investment banker. Siegenthaler worked with British authorities to get the guy prosecuted. Last week, he pleaded guilty to fraud. He is now in jail awaiting his sentencing. Here's more on the story: 'I had to stop him fleecing other women': Caribbean victim of hedge fund fantasist lost more than £600,000 through 'dating a sociopath,' on Dailymail.co.uk. Conman's £600,000 fraud posing as retired Goldman Sachs billionaire, on Telegraph.co.uk. …

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: How Sociopaths Target Us and How We Bite

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey Before I go into explaining in more detail the exercises to help you gather strength and lose fear to leave the sociopath (from my last article) it would be helpful to know how and why we end up reacting to the sociopath and getting attached and controlled in the first place. Predators are extremely astute at quickly assessing and targeting our vulnerabilities, whether consciously or subconsciously. It's very empowering to start becoming aware of what those vulnerabilities are that hook us and keep us hooked. Self-awareness, or “mindfulness,” is the most essential tool in going forward. It means to become conscious of our rea …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost myself in the relationship with a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was submitted by a reader who writes as "Buffalo Girl." The boy across the street. I remember him back in the late 70's. My family had moved into the new neighborhood. I was 12. He was the popular 13-year-old who always hung out with the cool boys who were years older than him. And they seemed to idolize him. I remember the second day in my new catholic grammar school ”¦”¦ me, the new girl, and him already there for years. But the teachers were fed up with him. Second day of school. The head nun and a few teachers surrounded him in the hall. They were already frustrated and ganged up on him. Saying they've had enough and were not going to take anoth …

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Even with all that I now know, I got scammed

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I like to think of myself as pretty wise, now that I have learned to recognize most of the red flags of dishonesty and people high in psychopathic traits. But I recently got scammed by three people working in concert. They also scammed another party as well. I bought a dog that was actually stolen. Here's how it happened: I went to a web site in Georgia looking for dogs that are trained as protection dogs. They cost quite a bit of money, starting at about $5,000 and I knew this. This man offered me a “sport” trained dog for $4,000 plus freight which would put her in the $5,000 range, but he had a woman trainer here in Arkansas who could teach me to h …

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Why we get hooked on unpredictable romance

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Many Lovefraud readers have experienced the phenomenon of knowing that a romantic partner is unreliable and even bad for them, but they keep taking the person back. A psychiatrist explains why this happens. Blame your brain. I heart unpredictable love, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopath

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader called "Makemenew2012." The Lure I met my second husband, an African immigrant, on a social media site in early January of this year. Mr. C (as I'll refer to him) connected with me through a mutual acquaintance and began sending me e-mails every day. At first, his messages seemed rather innocent— Mr. C asked how my day was going, what the weather was like, etc. But after a few days, he began fishing for information, inquiring about my husband and children. The first time, I ignored his question and responded on my own behalf. The next time, I replied that I didn't have a husband or children. And that was his cue to st …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and Betrayal

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who writes as "Esther." I am watching with horror as I see the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. The water and photos of devastation bring back memories for me of my experiences in South Florida—three hurricanes back to back destroyed my home. I was married to the sociopath at that time. He enjoyed the attention and the chaos. I was devastated and overwhelmed. The insurance adjusters, claims, trying to get tarps to protect the home from further rain and damage, the ceiling collapsing and the black mold that began to appear on the walls after the power was restored. Contractors could not be found, and the predators looking f …

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Loving the sociopath who’s spared you

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(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) It can be hard to hate or despise even the most terrible human being so long as he's inflicted his cruelty on others, but spared you. Take a sociopathic relative, even a close one. If somehow he compartmentalized his life, lived a “double life—”in any case, if you learned that he treated you (retrospectively even) with an exceptional, aberrant mercy that he denied his victims, you might very possibly remain “loyal” to him. You might still even “love” him. Various defenses are pertine …

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What should she do about a violent stalker?

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now. One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole.  After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him. I am considering calling his probation officer to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homework

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Editor's note: The following article was received by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." It's been over a year since I discovered that the man that I married had been living a double-life before we ever even met. My vulnerabilities were the beacon that he gravitated towards: exiting an abusive marriage, loving to my children, spiritually "grounded," artistic and creative, and all of these attributes and vulnerabilities in addition to a "socially connected" family with a colorful history were exploitable and desirable. I believed his words and assertions because I wanted to. I "needed" to feel validated and valued because I couldn't provide this to myself, on my own. I've …

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