How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Partners in an unhealthy dance

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a woman who posts as Willow888. I recently started to work through the awful morass of feelings that follow an interaction with a disordered person. These people are such deceptive and expert manipulators they can apparently draw in even the healthiest of partners, partly because their behavior is beyond normal imagining and experience. Just as we're taught to drive a car defensively, to suppose that every other driver is asleep at the wheel, we could still get taken unawares by a driver who aims at us head on, deliberately. That we wouldn't necessarily be ready for. Information about toxic relationships often mentions typical …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call Hilary. Names are changed. The night before I met Nick, I had a vivid nightmare. I lost sight of a caring man in a chaotic crowd, a baby was murdered, and I was poisoned. I awoke and heard, "Wait for the right one. Don't try to save him. You'll ruin yourself and your future." The thought was so pervasive that, although I was perplexed, I wrote it down. The following afternoon, I met Nick (with whom I'd connected on a dating site) on his boat at the local marina, and an afternoon sail turned into an “accidental” dinner with his parents and sister, drinks afterward, and hours of conversation late into the n …

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Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath

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I am so excited. I can finally start talking about my new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you're dating a sociopath. Who should read this book? Quite frankly, everyone. If you're wondering whether you're in a relationship with a sociopath, this book tells you. If you know you are, or were, involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how you got sucked into the situation and why it's so difficult to get out. If your friends and family can't understand why you got trapped, give them this book. It explains everything. If you want to protect yourself, or someone you care about, from becoming involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how to stay safe. Red Flags of Love F …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Layers of shame and guilt

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack of this discernment exposed me to many abusive personalities. I became a …

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Does anything work in getting a victim away from a sociopath?

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Since Lovefraud launched in 2005, I've collected 2,850 cases—people who have contacted me to tell me about their experiences with a sociopath. In nearly 100 of these cases—3.4%—the person who contacted me was not actually the victim, but was a friend or family member who was trying to pry the victim away from the sociopath. For example, here's an email that Lovefraud recently received: I have a sister-in-law who is dating a married man, who claims he will be getting a divorce, which is still yet to happen. Now she's pregnant with his kid so things are more serious. They were supposed to move out together a couple months ago, but when the day came he disappeared, then a couple weeks later s …

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RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: The Whitney Houston tragedy

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Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Rebecca Potter works as a licensed mental health counselor in West Palm Beach, Florida. I'm every woman ”¦ It's all in me ”¦ By Rebecca Potter Rebecca Potter profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Sadly, on February 11, 2012, the world lost another woman's voice when Whitney Elizabeth Houston died in her hotel room. The press talked about her drug and alcohol use, her bizarre behavior, etc. Reporters briefly mentioned her tumultuous marriage. Did we lose another beautiful woman's voice to the tragic, permanent, emotional and physical side effects of …

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The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths

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Editor's note: At the request of readers, the Lovefraud member "Skylar" has contributed the following article. When dealing with malignant narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, borderlines, drama queens, stalkers and other emotional vampires, it's commonly advised that no response is the best response to unwanted attention. This is often true and No Contact (the avoidance of all communication) should be used whenever possible. There are some situations however, when No Contact is not feasible, as in when you share child custody with a psychopath. As another example, if you are being stalked by an ex, a restraining order can infuriate the unwanted suitor, and refusing to respond to him …

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Overcoming the hype to educate people about sociopaths

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Eleanor.” Thank you for your wonderful site Lovefraud! It has helped me tremendously. I am still with my sociopath husband, but am quietly and surely planning on leaving. We have a few children so it really makes it more complicated. He has now gone up to the next stage in what I've read sociopaths love to do. I'm so thankful that I read about it before he did it and know how to react and what to expect! He's started to call up my family, giving them a sob story about how broken he is and how I won't get any help (we've gone through a few counselors, with no obvious results as they've all been taken in by his a …

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When clergy are abusers

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Editor's note: The following list was compiled by Carolyn Waterstradt, who holds a masters degree in theology and will graduate with masters degree in social work in April 2012. Carolyn owns Inner Quest Healing, where she works with survivors of clergy sexual abuse. This partial list of grooming techniques was compiled from her research with 18 women who were abused by a member of the clergy. Her book, "Fighting the Good Fight: Healing and Advocacy after Clergy Sexual Assault," is a compilation of this research and will be available in spring 2012.  This article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. 10 Grooming Techniques Commonly Used in Cle …

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