UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired. Well, there are reasons for this. First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice. Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheating So sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious …
Games sociopaths play
Perhaps you’ve been making yourself crazy, trying to understand your relationship. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to make your partner happy. You feel confused, dismayed and, thanks to your partner’s complaints and accusations, guilt-ridden. Well, there’s an easy way to clear up your confusion. You just need to understand the games sociopaths play. Here’s the bottom line: To the sociopath, the relationship with you is nothing but a game. What’s a game? A game, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a “physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other.” When you’re in a relationship with a soc …
To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions
Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman — as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. That's why it's so important to trust your perceptions. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect — like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing — these red flags are not …
How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everything
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." She learned the truth about sociopaths the hard way. I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever …
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Classic sociopathic control strategy: Accusing you of cheating
UPDATED FOR 2023. I was sitting at my kitchen table one day during my marriage to the sociopath, James Montgomery. We were arguing — I don't remember what about; we argued a lot. All of a sudden, Montgomery accused me of sleeping with another man. I was shocked. I had been friends with the man for about 15 years before I even met Montgomery. We were good friends. But that's all — friends. Still, Montgomery raged at me, "I know you had sex with him." I denied this, vociferously. Montgomery kept accusing — but eventually backed down. The accusation came out of thin air. I hadn't even seen my friend in months. So why did Montgomery do this? Sociopaths assume everyone cheats First o …
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The top 5 brazen lies your psychopathic partner tells you
UPDATED FOR 2023. When you become romantically involved with a psychopath, he or she will be lying to you from the very beginning or your involvement, although you won't realize it right away. Eventually, you may start catching inconsistencies, like he said he was here, and now he's saying he was there. Or she said she did this, and now she says she did that. You'll shrug your shoulders, assuming that you misunderstood. Or, you'll ask for clarification — which your partner will answer with more lies, although you won't realize that either. So you may recognize that your partner exaggerates, or likes to spin stories, or even offers contradictory explanations. But you probably won't s …
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Why falling for a sociopath doesn’t mean you’re stupid
UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." She wonders, does falling for a sociopath mean you're stupid? Since I found your website I have been doing a lot of reading, learning, and understanding. I made my break from my spath about three years ago. I keep reading how a spath knows who and how to catch a person in their web. Seemingly being very intelligent as to getting exactly what they want from us. In my case, my spath doesn't seem to be all that intelligent. Does this mean that I was taken in by a man of low intellect, and what does that say about me? I'm having trouble understanding how a man who seems to have no common s …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My journal entry about susceptibility to the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2023. Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader sent the following entry from her journal. "About 2 1/2 months since the sociopath revealed himself for what he was, I'm now assessing how I made myself so vulnerable in the first place," she wrote. "Shockingly I realize I likely still am... still am as vulnerable... until I do my next needed self-work: truly healing my relationship with myself. Deeply." The following piece represents a step in her healing. I was thinking about whether I'd ever be able to reclaim my memories, once sweet, once preciously loving, of the past two years — ever since the sociopath revealed himself for the liar and deceiver that he is via his cruel d …
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Here’s the worst lie a partner can tell you and what to do about it
If you’re looking for a romantic relationship and you’re also reading Lovefraud, you probably have some awareness of sociopaths and you’re trying to figure out how to not hook up with one. To help you, I will reveal the worst lie that a partner can tell you. If you encounter this lie, you absolutely should not excuse it. Lying sociopaths All sociopaths lie. This presents those of us who are honest with a huge problem. First of all, sociopaths are really good liars. They’ve been lying all their lives. They tell big lies, little lies, stupid lies. They mix lies with the truth. They lie like they breathe. Secondly, human beings are really bad lie detectors. Research shows that most people …
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The ulterior motives in good times with the sociopath
Yes, it is possible to have good times with a sociopath. They can be the life of the party, exciting and entertaining. They can enjoy sports, movies, museums, exotic cars, fine dining and all kinds of music. They can love to travel, from local road trips to round-the-world voyages. And through all these adventures, they can create special, unforgettable moments. Correction: The moments seem special and unforgettable at the time. But once you come to the painful realization that the person you shared them with is a sociopath, you’re faced with another shock: All those good times with the sociopath were fake. Traveling with my sociopathic ex-husband I shared multiple memorable experiences …
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