Seduced by a sociopath

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." She learned the truth about sociopaths the hard way. I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever …

How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everythingRead More

UPDATED FOR 2023. When you become romantically involved with a psychopath, he or she will be lying to you from the very beginning or your involvement, although you won't realize it right away. Eventually, you may start catching inconsistencies, like he said he was here, and now he's saying he was there. Or she said she did this, and now she says she did that. You'll shrug your shoulders, assuming that you misunderstood. Or, you'll ask for clarification — which your partner will answer with more lies, although you won't realize that either. So you may recognize that your partner exaggerates, or likes to spin stories, or even offers contradictory explanations. But you probably won't s …

The top 5 brazen lies your psychopathic partner tells youRead More

UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." She wonders, does falling for a sociopath mean you're stupid? Since I found your website I have been doing a lot of reading, learning, and understanding. I made my break from my spath about three years ago. I keep reading how a spath knows who and how to catch a person in their web. Seemingly being very intelligent as to getting exactly what they want from us. In my case, my spath doesn't seem to be all that intelligent. Does this mean that I was taken in by a man of low intellect, and what does that say about me? I'm having trouble understanding how a man who seems to have no common s …

Why falling for a sociopath doesn’t mean you’re stupidRead More

If you’re looking for a romantic relationship and you’re also reading Lovefraud, you probably have some awareness of sociopaths and you’re trying to figure out how to not hook up with one. To help you, I will reveal the worst lie that a partner can tell you. If you encounter this lie, you absolutely should not excuse it. Lying sociopaths All sociopaths lie. This presents those of us who are honest with a huge problem. First of all, sociopaths are really good liars. They’ve been lying all their lives. They tell big lies, little lies, stupid lies. They mix lies with the truth. They lie like they breathe. Secondly, human beings are really bad lie detectors. Research shows that most people …

Here’s the worst lie a partner can tell you and what to do about itRead More

Yes, it is possible to have good times with a sociopath. They can be the life of the party, exciting and entertaining. They can enjoy sports, movies, museums, exotic cars, fine dining and all kinds of music. They can love to travel, from local road trips to round-the-world voyages. And through all these adventures, they can create special, unforgettable moments. Correction: The moments seem special and unforgettable at the time. But once you come to the painful realization that the person you shared them with is a sociopath, you’re faced with another shock: All those good times with the sociopath were fake. Traveling with my sociopathic ex-husband I shared multiple memorable experiences …

The ulterior motives in good times with the sociopathRead More

Many of us are inclined to help people when we are asked. But if the person doing the asking is a sociopath, the request for assistance may lead to outright exploitation. If you’re debating whether to help or not to help, pause and ask yourself these seven questions. The questions come from hard experience. For those of us who have been exploited by a sociopath, here’s a true but frustrating observation: They couldn’t have done it without our own cooperation. Yes, some sociopaths are complete criminals who rob people at gunpoint. But usually, sociopaths use manipulation. They love bomb, flatter and plead that we’re the only one who can help them. Unfortunately, they’re really good at convin …

To help or not to help — ask yourself these 7 questionsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: The goal of exploiters and manipulators is to bring us under their control. Here's one of their key strategies: Sociopaths use our self-image against us. We all have a mental picture of ourselves. We may think of ourselves as smart, kind, creative, professional, competent or loving. We may also have negative views of ourselves, such as disorganized, overweight, temperamental, fearful or lazy. Generally, our overall self-image is a collection of what we consider to be our assets and liabilities. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this mental picture is learned. They write: Self-image is a product of learning. Early childhood influences, such as parents and caregivers, …

Sociopaths use our self-image against usRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman who, unfortunately, must understand the rules for negotiating with a psychopath. Here's what she wrote: I have woken up to the fact that I am living among a nest of snakes. This includes my kids that I love. Can you recommend anything to read that helps with negotiating with a psychopath? They are so angry and so nasty. However, things "must" be worked out. Any suggestions on reading materials? The safest approach to take with a psychopath is not to negotiate at all, to get the person out of your life. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially when the psychopath is your spouse and you share …

12 rules for negotiating with a psychopathRead More