By Eleanor Cowan “The statute of limitations? It took me 25 years post-drug-rape to recognize his abuse,” I replied to a comment as a bunch of us at our local Senior Center crowded around the fitness room TV to hear the sentencing of a dangerous sex criminal, a wealthy fellow much older than most of us, a fatherly figure whose abuses rampaged for decades with no limitations, brakes or borders. “Why is there no statute of limitations for murder?” asked one woman, “while there is one for sexual abuse?” “Yes,” said another, “Billy can wake up with a sudden recall of the murderer who killed twenty years ago, and the police are on it. No officer would ever say, ‘Sorry, times up on your re …
Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?
Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and run? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …
After the Narcissist, You Will Recover
“A Narcissist doesn't just break your heart, they break your spirit....that's why it takes so long to heal.” — narcissist_survivor After experiencing and living through emotional abuse and trauma, there are days where you will feel like you can't move forward, where you feel worthless, where nothing matters anymore.....but I am here to tell you recovery IS possible. Right after the truth was revealed and after my relationship with my abuser ended, I was shocked, devastated, and a reeling mess. There were so many emotions that I would transition to, from hour to hour....for months. I couldn't believe my reality or even comprehend that I had been taken to this place of depression and self …
Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Emilie": I won't go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It's the same basic story as always and plus, I think there's some kind of email size limit. :) Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I've made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, "if you're going to treat me like crap, then I'm the girl for you!" Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I'm around, but sadly it's true. I was watching a movie last night and was judging the characters on their level …
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Trust after betrayal by the sociopath
For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist. We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn't have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again. Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not. Trust and human society I wrote previously about Paul …
Dr. Laura Rubiales: Sociopaths, PTSD and the Mind Body Connection
By Dr. Laura Rubiales After reading an e-mail with the accusatory gibberish/provoking/non-responsibility-taking BS that only a sociopath or other bona-fide Cluster B personality disordered person can seem to write, I found myself with palpitations, panicked, blood pressure rising, on the verge of a spiking migraine and barely able to breathe. I immediately called a girlfriend to therapeutically debrief. In her gorgeous Louisiana Southern drawl she said, “Darlin,’ you just don’t mess with crazy.” In all I have learned about the nervous system from over 20 years of studying and working with sick people, let me tell you why it is best to just “not mess with crazy” from a physiological pers …
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Advice for dating again after the sociopath
Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …
With the sociopath, I kept my mouth shut — not anymore
By Eleanor Cowan A 1929 Depression-era humorist, Andrew Glasow, once wrote, “Improvement begins with I,” and this week, I noted an example of my progress. On Tuesday, I filled out a feedback form about a costly senior health program I attended. I complained that our well-paid lecturers felt entitled to consume 96 minutes of our time to detail their personal histories of living overseas, the languages they’d learned so quickly, and the distinguished academic careers of their high-achieving children – none of which was on the agenda. Annoyed, I chose not to return to the afternoon segment. That evening, an attendee, Ted, called to say that only the last scrunchy 25 minutes of the worksho …
With the sociopath, I kept my mouth shut — not anymoreRead More
Forget the checklist — after the sociopath pay attention to how YOU feel in a new relationship
When you're romantically involved with a sociopath, sooner or later your entire relationship falls apart. The level of destruction may differ, but the bottom line is the same for all of these involvements: There never was a relationship — everything you thought you had was built on lies. You're devastated. But if you follow Lovefraud's advice and allow yourself sufficient time to process and recover from the experience, eventually another opportunity for romance will come your way. Still, you may feel gun shy. You were completely deceived before. How can you be sure it won't happen again? The Lovefraud reader, "Slimone," posted a comment recently that I believe is absolutely terrific a …
Video: Why we mistakenly feel guilty when we’re abused by a sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/gdrim7Kt5BM"]When Travis Vining was a young man, his sociopathic father murdered a man — one of four people he killed — and then manipulated Travis into helping him destroy evidence. For years after that, Travis experienced guilt and emotional pain that manifested as physical illnesses. But that is in the past. Travis has overcome the experience and now helps others recover from their entanglements with sociopaths. In his upcoming webinar he'll explain how to do it: Self-forgiveness: Understanding and letting go of guilt Presented by Travis Vining Tuesday, August 14 • 8-9 pm ET • $25 More info …
Video: Why we mistakenly feel guilty when we’re abused by a sociopathRead More