If you sought professional counseling because of an involvement with someone who may be disordered, Lovefraud wants to know about your experience. Working with Dr. Liane Leedom and the University of Bridgeport, we are gathering data for scientific research about the therapeutic experience of those who sought therapy in the context of an abusive relationship. The survey is completely anonymous no personal information is collected at all. What did you experience? Did the therapist understand what you were talking about? Did he or she help you realize what you were dealing with? Or was the counselor completely clueless about personality disorders? Did the person make you feel worse instead of …
Living in Secret with the Sociopath
Are Things Really What We Think They Are? Things aren't always what they seem, that's for sure. And sometimes things aren't always what they seem when they are right in your face. People can't really be persuaded, even if something is right in their face. For whatever their reasons are, people have to come to their own conclusions about things. And most of the time it's difficult for family and friends to watch someone they love continue in a path that is harmful to them. Living In Secret Those of us who fall into the victim category, well, we live in secret. We live in secret about what is really going on for a lot of reasons. We are in denial of our own circumstances even though we know …
Is It Really My Fault? A Victim Fights Back Against Victim-Blame
Chapter Six I Wouldn't Let That Happen It's your fault for letting yourself get hurt. Just reading that sentence probably makes you agitated. But people say that about each other all the time. We blame victims for letting themselves get hurt. Now maybe you want to say, “NO I DON'T.” It's offensive, right? We all want to be the kind of person who shows up with band-aids and soup and enough time to really listen and care about what happened. That's because we're decent people, and we do care. But think for a moment about how we respond differently to the kind of hurt that takes a band-aid and that we can see maybe happening to us and the kind of hurt that we never, ever want to touch our liv …
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After A Relationship With A Sociopath/ Psychopath, Finding The Right Support Can Be Challenging
Getting out of a relationship with a sociopath can be dangerous, draining, and confusing. For me, and I'm guessing for many others, this can be exacerbated by the fact that finding the right support during this vulnerable time can be difficult. Finding The Right Therapist There was virtually nothing left of me after almost two decades of being unwittingly married to a sociopath --chronic, subtle criticism; gaslighting; isolation; blaming; triangulating, intermittent love/affection, etc. To weaken me further so that he could prevail in our divorce, my then husband started using full frontal assaults as well—verbal abuse, financial terrorism (pretending he could no longer draw a salary f …
Why No Contact With A Sociopath Is So Important
Healing from a relationship with a sociopath is hard, often brutally hard. Don't add to that by being hard on yourself if your own path is filled with dark days and setbacks--even setbacks you may have caused by diverting from a path of "no contact." We are human. We are imperfect. Seek support from those who understand and will not judge. It's okay. All we can ever do in life is to move forward. No Contact/No Emotion Yet, as soon as possible, no contact with a sociopath is important. If no contact isn't possible for legal, custody or other reasons, keeping the contact minimal and totally devoid of emotion is critical. Why? Because sociopaths feed on emotion. I just finished reading a …
Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals Addiction
Abusive people often isolate the people they want to control. This happened to me and is chronicled in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Due to Paul (not his real name) "working" such long hours and on weekends, we had virtually no social life as a couple. Yet, if I went out with friends alone, Paul was often home early that night waiting for me. Here's a Typical Exchange “Hi, Paul, it's great you're home. I thought you wouldn't be home ”˜til after midnight.” “We got done early,” Paul said, his face devoid of any “nic …
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In the wake of a sociopath, feel better with Energy Medicine
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/Di5Ua44iuXc"] Involvements with sociopaths are often called "toxic." This is totally appropriate, because whether these predators engage in subtle manipulation and deceit that leaves you wondering what is "off," or whether they inflict outright emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse, your body, mind and spirit are flooded with toxins. Sustained sociopathic exploitation drains you. Eventually, you can become so physically, emotionally and psychologically depleted that it becomes difficult to handle day-to-day life, let alone the drama of the sociopath. But to escape and recover from the sociopath, you need your strength. How can you rebuild it? …
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Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath
Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …
The Road: A woman’s journey through domestic abuse
Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader. By Cynthia Creswell I took the road that shouldn't be traveled, so alluring was this path! Decadent flowers framed the entrance, the sweet smells of their majestic perfume luring me in, dripping with promises. The trees' flowering branches beckoned me in as though the crook of a finger, enticing me to enjoy its nectar. I listened to the call as it promised me things it knew I wanted; the soft, lush grass under my feet as to make my journey easier, the promise of sunshine to warm my soul, the glistening of dew covered foliage to pleasure my eyes and cool my brow... 'Come here to rest' it beckoned, 'let me care for you.' Unable to …
This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a Host
Weak Parasite, Strong Host One of my old friends said she saw SP still showing up to our old church. She said that he didn't look attractive anymore and looks like he's lost himself. I thought to myself, well he lost his HOST, that's why; well all the while, I feel great! My health is improving, I'm eating well, sleeping well, it's amazing. I made my way out, and I will continue to take whatever steps necessary to maintain that no contact. I am now almost 2 years post divorce, and a year and a half of no contact. Usually at the end of the year, there is a reflective time of that previous year, but for me, I am reflecting on when I first decided to move out of my house with my daughter, …
This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a HostRead More