How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Why A Relationship With A Sociopath is Soul-Destroying–Some Thoughts

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Many people describe a long-term relationship with a sociopath as “soul-destroying?” Mine was. But, why? How does this happen. I'm still searching for all the answers, but here are some thoughts. Insidious Erosion Perhaps some, but not all, of the answer is erosion. Increasingly, he doesn't come home for dinner; she's chronically late for commitments with you; he flirts with other women in front of you, then denies it, attributing your concern to your insecurity; instead of engaging you over brunch, she's constantly checking her phone. Sometimes, she just ignores you. He contemptuously rolls his eyes as you voice your opinion, but denies it. He says he wants to take you to dinner and wants yo …

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Please keep Lovefraud co-founder in your thoughts and prayers

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  I've written quite a few times about the wonderful relationship that I have with my husband, Terry Kelly. Yes, there is love after a sociopath. Terry is my business partner in Lovefraud. He funded building the website and the printing of my books. When business decisions about Lovefraud need to be made, he's my consultant. He even handles shipping when we receive book orders. I'm writing this as I sit in the ICU waiting room of our local hospital. Terry suffered a heart attack on Tuesday. It's been a long week. This came totally out of the blue. Terry does not have any of the typical risk factors of heart disease. No family history. No smoking. He's not overweight, he eats well, he …

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Been to counseling because of abuse? Fill out the Therapy Satisfaction Survey – closing soon!

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If you sought professional counseling because of an involvement with someone who may be disordered, Lovefraud wants to know about your experience. Working with Dr. Liane Leedom and the University of Bridgeport, we are gathering data for scientific research about the therapeutic experience of those who sought therapy in the context of an abusive relationship. The survey is completely anonymous no personal information is collected at all. What did you experience? Did the therapist understand what you were talking about? Did he or she help you realize what you were dealing with? Or was the counselor completely clueless about personality disorders? Did the person make you feel worse instead of …

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Living in Secret with the Sociopath

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Are Things Really What We Think They Are? Things aren't always what they seem, that's for sure. And sometimes things aren't always what they seem when they are right in your face. People can't really be persuaded, even if something is right in their face. For whatever their reasons are, people have to come to their own conclusions about things. And most of the time it's difficult for family and friends to watch someone they love continue in a path that is harmful to them. Living In Secret Those of us who fall into the victim category, well, we live in secret. We live in secret about what is really going on for a lot of reasons. We are in denial of our own circumstances even though we know …

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Is It Really My Fault? A Victim Fights Back Against Victim-Blame

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Chapter Six I Wouldn't Let That Happen It's your fault for letting yourself get hurt. Just reading that sentence probably makes you agitated. But people say that about each other all the time. We blame victims for letting themselves get hurt. Now maybe you want to say, “NO I DON'T.” It's offensive, right? We all want to be the kind of person who shows up with band-aids and soup and enough time to really listen and care about what happened. That's because we're decent people, and we do care. But think for a moment about how we respond differently to the kind of hurt that takes a band-aid and that we can see maybe happening to us and the kind of hurt that we never, ever want to touch our liv …

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After A Relationship With A Sociopath/ Psychopath, Finding The Right Support Can Be Challenging

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  Getting out of a relationship with a sociopath can be dangerous, draining, and confusing. For me, and I'm guessing for many others, this can be exacerbated by the fact that finding the right support during this vulnerable time can be difficult. Finding The Right Therapist There was virtually nothing left of me after almost two decades of being unwittingly married to a sociopath --chronic, subtle criticism; gaslighting; isolation; blaming; triangulating, intermittent love/affection, etc. To weaken me further so that he could prevail in our divorce, my then husband started using full frontal assaults as well—verbal abuse, financial terrorism (pretending he could no longer draw a salary f …

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Why No Contact With A Sociopath Is So Important

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Healing from a relationship with a sociopath is hard, often brutally hard. Don't add to that by being hard on yourself if your own path is filled with dark days and setbacks--even setbacks you may have caused by diverting from a path of "no contact." We are human. We are imperfect. Seek support from those who understand and will not judge. It's okay. All we can ever do in life is to move forward. No Contact/No Emotion Yet, as soon as possible, no contact with a sociopath is important. If no contact isn't possible for legal, custody or other reasons, keeping the contact minimal and totally devoid of emotion is critical. Why? Because sociopaths feed on emotion. I just finished reading a …

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Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals Addiction

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Abusive people often isolate the people they want to control.  This happened to me and is chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Due to Paul (not his real name) "working" such long hours and on weekends, we had virtually no social life as a couple. Yet, if I went out with friends alone, Paul was often home early that night waiting for me. Here's a Typical Exchange “Hi, Paul, it's great you're home. I thought you wouldn't be home ”˜til after midnight.” “We got done early,” Paul said, his face devoid of any “nic …

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In the wake of a sociopath, feel better with Energy Medicine

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[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/Di5Ua44iuXc"] Involvements with sociopaths are often called "toxic." This is totally appropriate, because whether these predators engage in subtle manipulation and deceit that leaves you wondering what is "off," or whether they inflict outright emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse, your body, mind and spirit are flooded with toxins. Sustained sociopathic exploitation drains you. Eventually, you can become so physically, emotionally and psychologically depleted that it becomes difficult to handle day-to-day life, let alone the drama of the sociopath. But to escape and recover from the sociopath, you need your strength. How can you rebuild it? …

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Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath

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Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …

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