How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery

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Book Review: The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Review by Donna Andersen Many, many Lovefraud readers say that after your experience with a sociopath, you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if you haven't been diagnosed by a professional, you're probably right. But what, exactly, does that mean? What happens to your brain on PTSD? And what can you do about it? All the answers are in this book. The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, is the best explanation I've ever seen on the causes, effects and treatment of trauma. I strongly recommend that every mental health pro …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Pulled in by the child in the sociopath

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By PressEject It seems so odd. I wasn't exactly in love with this person! But I was entirely caught up in his breath, his every sentence, his needs and desires. He charmed me into thinking it was so much more that we shared. I sensed early on he was not exactly mature in conducting a one-on-one relationship. But I assumed I could help guide him and show him how to trust and become closer. He came across as unique, at times humble and often very sweet to be with. I heard his "story" and understood how difficult it had been for him trying to feel close to others and I was honored he felt he could be close to me. The story, a true "pity ploy," pulled me in. But I didn't think twice. …

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What happens to your brain with PTSD, and a promising technique to fix it

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many, many people involved with sociopaths end up with post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of PTSD include: Flashbacks Bad dreams Frightening thoughts Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the traumatic experience Feeling emotionally numb Feeling strong guilt, depression or worry Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past Having trouble remembering the dangerous event Being easily startled Feeling tense or "on edge" Having difficulty sleeping Having angry outbursts Negative thoughts about oneself or the world …

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Why betrayal by a sociopath hurts so much

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This post refers to spiritual concepts. Please see Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. UPDATED FOR 2023. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you may find it difficult to put into words the depth of the pain romantic betrayal causes. Discovering that your romantic partner, the person who claimed to be your soul mate, proclaimed unending love and promised a future of golden togetherness, was lying all along and totally deceived you, causes indescribable agony. Sandra Lee Dennis, Ph.D., has put your suffering into words. I read her book, Love and the Mystery of Betrayal — Recovering your trust and faith after trauma, deception and loss of love. It is the best description I' …

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Why are you distraught about the lying, cheating sociopath’s silent treatment?

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You’ve discovered that your romantic partner is lying and cheating on you. When you confront, this person turns on you and refuses to talk to you. You’re the one who has been wronged. So why are you distraught about the sociopath’s silent treatment? A Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call Lucy20, asked exactly this question. Here’s what she wrote: I have ridden the merry go round for 10 years with a guy that has cheated and not told the truth. We break up (usually me pushing him away and him acting the victim and then we never can stay away.) He begs, I reject and then he retreats and I feel overwrought. Horrible. I feel heartbroken every single time. So hard to understand and get out of t …

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After the sociopath, I still feel numb – what can I do?

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UPDATED FOR 2023. After discovering that someone close to you, someone you trusted, totally betrayed you, it would certainly be expected that you'd feel anger, outrage, or sadness. But many people who have this experience simply feel numb. For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: It has been about 3 years since I discovered what happened to me. I've had no contact with my spaths. Yet I still feel numb and broken. I feel like I have tried almost everything to get through this dark time. I feel so lost. I feel so robbed of my life and my children have been too. What can I do now? I'm running out of solutions. I don't want to feel like this anymore.... please …

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After the sociopath, how to overcome the fear of dating

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My ex-husband thoroughly betrayed me. He defrauded me, cheated prolifically, had a child with another woman during our marriage, and then committed bigamy. When people hear my outrageous story, they often ask, how did I overcome the fear of dating after the sociopath? Wasn’t I afraid that I’d meet another one? I’ve found that it is certainly possible to overcome the fear of dating again. I’ll explain how to do it. Heartbroken by a sociopath If you’ve been left heartbroken by a sociopath, you may feel gun shy about putting yourself out there in search of a new partner. This is totally understandable. The sociopath swept into your life, love bombed you, and promised that the two of you wo …

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Love Fraud Book Excerpt: For the first time in my life, my heart led the way

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In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m telling the beginning of my love story — finding real, authentic love after the betrayal by my sociopathic ex-husband. My healing journey is recorded in my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. For now, I invite you to read: Excerpts describing my husband’s lies and cheating. Excerpts describing my healing journey. By Donna Andersen I made one last attempt to get my money back from my ex-husband by blackmailing him. My intuition told me that I created a lot of problems for him in his latest scam, but I received nothing. The battle was over. At least my love life was moving forward. After our wonderful date a …

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5 steppingstones to true love after the sociopath

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If you become romantically involved with a sociopath, sooner or later your heart is broken. The pain is so devastating that you may swear you’ll never love again. Please don’t follow through on that. It is entirely possible to find true love after the sociopath. I know, because it happened to me. I first learned about sociopaths the hard way — by marrying one. I wrote a book about it, called Love Fraud – how marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. Much of the story is about my ex-husband’s outrageous lies and manipulations towards me and multiple other women. His audacity was unbelievable. You can’t make this stuff up.  Still, I think the most important part of book is how …

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Coerced debt: Financial betrayal by the sociopath

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For sociopaths, the objective of any relationship is to exert power and control over the other person. This is especially true in romantic relationships. One of the things sociopaths want to control is money, which often leaves survivors with mountains of coerced debt. I have experience with this one. My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, manipulated me into maxing out all my credit cards, supposedly to support his sure-to-succeed business plans. By the end, he’d wiped out my savings, decimated my business, and left me with $60,000 in credit card debt. I later found out he spent a lot of my money entertaining other women. Using my credit How did James Montgomery get his hands on m …

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