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Recovery from a sociopath

After the sociopath, managing how my brain manages trauma

By Eleanor Cowan

I felt heavy as I awakened this morning. A toxic punch followed by a few slaps of self-recrimination are tossed with tuning forks—all delivered by myself to me.

“No!” I say as I have for the past thirty years. I swing my legs out of bed and onto the solid oak floor. My gold filigreed daily planner is right where its supposed to be.

I will never erase my actual history of having married a pedophile who molested first his siblings and then our children. His crafty, conscienceless siphoning of my time, energy, money and support for fourteen years can never be expunged. I can never, ever erase his small daily cruelties that sadly, I … Read more

Dating again after the sociopath – Webinar May 16, 8 pm ET

You’d like a romantic partner, but after one sociopath, you’re afraid of meeting another. Learn how to know when you are ready for a new partner, and how to date with awareness, so you can protect yourself from scammers and predators.

Bring your questions!

Dating again after the sociopath
Presented by Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com
Wednesday, May 16, 2018 • 8-9 pm ET • $25

Highlights

  • How to protect yourself from sociopaths
  • Why internal healing is important
  • Lovefraud’s 3 rules of dating
  • 10 tips for dating with awareness
  • Staying safe with online dating

The … Read more

Sometimes “no contact” is not an option

For more than two years, I’ve shared my story and relevant insights here once a week.

That’s coming to a close.  My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles my marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves  includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. I hope the excertps I’ve shared from them have been helpful.

Husband Liar Sociopath

I didn’t know.

Before I married “Paul” (not his real name), I never imagined my life could be so derailed and that my soul could be turned to dust. I didn’t know sociopaths are common, often hiding in plain sight. I didn’t know that they feed off of the … Read more

What Betrayal Taught Me

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

By Waleuska Lazo

Betrayal. This eight-letter word conjures up scary thoughts. Betrayal is one of the deepest pains we go through because it hits us at the core of our ability to love and trust

After my marriage ended I was grateful for the two loves of my life, my beautiful daughters. When I went into my next relationship, again I did with an implicit trust. In my mind, I was forming an invisible contract, or what I called a soul agreement.

It was my assumption that I, as well as the other person, came to the relationship with pure intentions … Read more

Healing old pain through a new disordered relationship

By Eleanor Cowan

My throat, arms, and legs felt swollen. Not for the first time, the thought occurred: “Death would be an instant relief.” I could hardly walk. Heavy with grief, a searing acidic ache in my stomach, I arrived at the weekend retreat held by a support group for those affected by the addictions of a loved one. Assigned to a tiny room the size of a storage cupboard in the small community college, I dropped the worn backpack I’d hastily stuffed with an old nightie, soap, and toothbrush. I chose a seminar among those offered on the agenda lying on the desk and stumbled to it.

What was going on for me? I’d met someone. It … Read more

BOOK REVIEW: ‘Psychopath Free’ — helping you understand your disordered romance and recover yourself

Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People, by Jackson Mackenzie

Review by Donna Andersen

I admit I’ve been remiss. Jackson Mackenzie’s book, Psychopath Free, came out in 2015, and I just finished reading it. I think I need about 48 hours in the day.

Anyway, if you’ve been romantically involved with a psychopath or other disordered individual, Psychopath Free will ring true for you. Jackson does an excellent job of describing the cycle of an involvement with a psychopath, from the glorious beginning when you’re feeling high on all the attention, to the confusion of the mind games in the middle, to the utter devastation when you are brutally discarded.… Read more

Fill in the blank: ‘Detaching from the abuser in my life feels like _____’

By Eleanor Cowan

One early evening at the end of the second year in my support group for Parents of Sexually Abused Children, we were invited to participate in a new activity together. Our lead Social Worker, Aidan, also an artist and storyteller, suggested that we complete two unfinished sentences, each in our own words.

The first was, “Detaching from the abuser(s) in my life feels like _____.

The second was, “Once I let go, I found myself _____.

I’d like to share the responses I heard that evening with Lovefraud readers.

Aidan, also a former victim of physical predation both in her childhood and in her adult life, began:

“Finally detaching from my abuser dissolved tiny sharp … Read more

After the sociopath, consumed by obsession

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The illusion is vaporized. One way or another, you have discovered that your partner, family member, friend or colleague is a sociopath. Maybe you unearthed one lie too many. Or maybe the mask slipped and the person unceremoniously dumped you. However it happened, you’ve learned that he or she has been lying to you all along.

And now you’re obsessed.

You want to know the truth. You want to know where the sociopath really was, who the sociopath was really with, what happened to the money. With your new awareness of his or her lying personality, you recall multiple incidents that left you scratching your head, and now look at … Read more

After the sociopath, taking back power and standing up to bad behavior

By Eleanor Cowan

On Tuesday, a young friend from Montreal called with good news. A single mother of four children, proud of her escape from an abusive ex-husband, Kaila is back at school, works part-time to cover the groceries, and, each week it seems, successfully faces yet another challenge to advance her world.

On Monday, a problem with the toilet required a plumber. Kaila called the “cheapest in town” ad circled in red ballpoint in an old phone book. In his early 50’s, the uniformed plumber waited for Kaila to return from taking her children to school that morning. As he inspected the toilet in her apartment, he began to talk about the high cost of living. Raising … Read more

To recover from the sociopath, and protect yourself from another one, work on relieving your emotional tension

Over the weekend Terry, my husband, and I watched The Zookeeper’s Wife, a movie is set in Warsaw, Poland, during World War II. It tells the true story of how after animals at the Warsaw Zoo were bombed and shot, the couple that ran the zoo used the property to hide Jews from the Nazis until they could be transported to safety. It’s a good movie, but as you can imagine, it is tense and emotional.

My reaction to the film, plus the normal stress of daily life, made it difficult for me to … Read more

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