Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader called “Adelade.” Her previous post is "This is the time for me to learn who I am." I'm having a really tough time, these days. The divorce hearing is coming down to the wire, and I am very fearful that the sociopath ex-husband is going to walk away from his crimes, unscathed. Last week, I had a discussion with someone whose husband is an attorney. She works in his office whenever she can to help him with his busy practice. We were discussing the facts of my divorce, and she said several things that caused a mild onset of anxiety, but I began to cogitate about the US and State legal systems that have not been ove …
Three Years After The Psychopath
This weekend marked an anniversary for me. It was three years to the day since I discovered the trail of emails that was to lead me to the truth about my ”˜soul mate' of ten years. Three years since my entire world shattered round me, leaving me lost and alone to deal with the ugly, frightening truth. I remember so clearly the evening I found the black and white proof that my marriage was nothing but a sham. Reading one email after another, I remember literally holding my throat and gasping for air. Pushing down my nearly overwhelming desire to be sick, and doing my best to control the shaking in my legs while my heart pumped in my mouth. I got through those first few days on pure ad …
Through Fear To Love
I'm sure many of us here have read Susan Jeffers' modern classic “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” — it's a book that invites us to understand and accept our natural feelings of fear and then use them to do something different and create a more positive life as a result. I first came across the book when I studied as a Louise Hay trainer back in 1997 and I still regard it as a hugely relevant, well-written piece of work that offers practical advice for many situations. Well, this week has been another opportunity for me to once again face my own fears — and also to acknowledge a few more of the hidden ones that have been sitting there niggling away in the background! Friday 13th was round t …
Dating after the sociopath
A reader posted the following comment on Lovefraud's Facebook page: "This website helps me too, but now, as I venture into the world of dating again, I find that my past is terrible hindrance. So difficult. Any advice gratefully received. Just want to be happy." Many times I've been asked, "After what your con artist ex-husband did to you, can you ever trust again?" Yes I can. I do. I am remarried, and I am happier now than I've ever been, in fact, I'm much happier than I ever was before the sociopath. So how do you climb out of the abyss of profound betrayal? How do you recover? How do you move forward, to the point where you can actually love again? Here are some lessons I've …
Stress eats holes in your brain
Dealing with a sociopath means stress. Somehow, we have to find ways to reduce it. Here's why: Yet another reason to reduce stress: It shrinks your brain, on CommercialAppeal.com. …
Deliberate Cruelty From Someone Who Is Meant To Care
Last week I found myself in an intimidating situation that required me to put all my skills of resilience in to practice. I was in the hands of a professional person who should be there to care for others. I was in a hugely vulnerable position, yet instead of receiving care, I felt myself being belittled, bullied and threatened. The person dishing out this particularly cruel treatment was a senior doctor in a private clinic, where I am a patient. A few years ago I would probably have put up with his behaviour, or brushed it off as being just something I mis-read — but not this time. Not now. Not ever again. So I thought I'd share my story here on Lovefraud. As you already k …
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Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath
I am so excited. I can finally start talking about my new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you're dating a sociopath. Who should read this book? Quite frankly, everyone. If you're wondering whether you're in a relationship with a sociopath, this book tells you. If you know you are, or were, involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how you got sucked into the situation and why it's so difficult to get out. If your friends and family can't understand why you got trapped, give them this book. It explains everything. If you want to protect yourself, or someone you care about, from becoming involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how to stay safe. Red Flags of Love F …
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BOOK REVIEW: Evil Eyes–A daughter’s memoir
Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been writing for Lovefraud as regularly over the last year. The reason is I have been working to get a research program off the ground. Objective scientific research on psychopathy and the family will inform a better understanding of the disorder and educate professionals about the needs of victims and family members. In a very exciting and lucky turn of events, an expert in “mixed methods” research has an office down the hall from mine at the University of Bridgeport, and l have recently learned a great deal about how to conduct this kind of research. I have long appreciated that the usual mathematical approach to psychological research does not …
Knowledge is power
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) If you are not willing to learn, No one can help you. If you are determined to learn, No one can stop you. A friend shared that saying with me today in an email and it made me think about what we say here at Lovefraud when we encourage a new poster to read and learn about psychopaths, to arm themselves with knowledge: “Knowledge is power.” Knowledge is a powerful tool in our lives. If we have no education, we are powerless, as we see in people who have dropped out of school illiterate. We encourage our children to do the best they can in school, to go on to higher education, so that they are better prepared in life, have more power to determine their …
They Just Can’t Understand – Why It’s So Hard To Explain The Truth To Others
This week's post is based on recent experiences and inspired by this comment posted on a previous article — “the eyes see only what the mind knows” (thank you ”˜woundlicker'). It's the on-going subject about how on earth we can open other peoples' eyes about the psychopaths who live and breathe among us. My recent experiences have highlighted, yet again, how tricky it is for people to get their head around this kind of information — let alone accept that they have been duped! I often think back to the early days after I discovered the truth about my ex, and how puzzling I found it when people just didn't seem to believe me when I told them what had happened. No matter how many reams of bl …
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