Editor's note: The following story was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alyce." When is it possible to forgive myself? I met a very charismatic man who was lecturing at a local dog boarding kennel. Over the course of a year I attended training, and I watched him help many people. He quoted science books and talked about papers he had written at university. We became friends, me asking for advice and he was always obliging beyond anyone else I met. I was quite attracted to him, but happy to keep that attraction to myself. Then he declared one day he was attracted to me. I suppose I was flattered. A romance began and we moved far too quickly. Before I knew it we were …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I need to have my experience to count for something
Editor's note: The following was written by Noelle R. Andrews, author of "Aftermath of Rock 'n' Roll." Read about her book in the article posted earlier today. Some people are born selfless. Mother Teresa, who worked with Calcutta's poor for decades, is a classic example. The caring people who worked with lepers on Hawaii's island of Molokai are another. Other people, like me, take up a cause because some experience has affected our lives in a profound way. Susan G. Koman's sister died of breast cancer. The foundation she created in her sister's honor is one of the best-known fundraisers for this disease. Jennie McCarthy has fought to raise awareness for autism, after her son was given …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He told me exactly what I wanted to hear
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "wantmylifeback41." When I first met him, I felt I loved him before I even knew him. He is the total opposite of me— a short, stocky dark hair Italian with eyes that seemed to focus on my every word. He moved quickly with me, telling me God had sent him an angel and he couldn't wait to begin a life with me. I was so drawn to his looks and him being so attentive on me, I fell for him quickly. Daughters He is nine years younger than me and told me of his abusive childhood from his mother. I felt the need to protect him. He had two daughters at the time who were around 5 and 6 (they are 12 and 13 now) that his mother …
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LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: A tale of 4 wives
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Rochelle." As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples: What you do or say and what the sociopath hears Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues. Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues. Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive. Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something. Crying because I am hurting = drama queen. Me asking him not to bring up a topic while …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from a Sociopathic “friend” and business partner
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Brielle.” Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Three years ago I left someone whom I only recently understood displays all the classic symptoms of being a sociopath. I'm writing this now to help other people who have had a close relationship, but not a romantic relationship, with a sociopath. It is still just as devastating when you have made the person the centre of your world. Young, vulnerable, and naive; the perfect target I was very young when I met her, emotionally vulnerable and naïve. To me she seemed so clever and charismatic. She offered me love, seemingly solutions to my lack of self …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Why, why, why did I say yes to a sociopath?
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “IMarriedIt.” Names are changed. Thirteen years ago, I was an attractive, confident single woman. I owned a small house with 2 cats & a dog. I wasn't looking to date when I met a charsmatic man at work, Simon, or rather, he made a beeline for me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating. He then chose the words he knew would reassure me, that we could spend time together as just friends, but it wouldn't be dating. We did things together & had dinner as pals (so I thought). He amped up the charm and was likeable & witty, though I thought there was something a little strange about him. One night he rang my doo …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am a sociopath
Lovefraud received the following email from a man who says he is a sociopath. It is published for educational purposes, to provide insight into how he thinks. Comments will not be allowed on this post. I'm a sociopath. I've known for a very long time that I'm a sociopath and that's that. I'm writing to you because I want your opinion. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a highly intelligent male with an IQ of 167. Everyone around me calls me a genius or prodigy; I just think I'm me. I am what I am and it's the only world I know. I am exceptionally good at deduction and reading people. The best example I give for myself would be Sherlock Holmes for the BBC TV series Sherlock. I can …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: On a healing path with my inner child
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” The first epiphany of my recovery from the exspath's damage was when my astute counselor identified my “shame-core.” In that same session, it was suggested that I read Healing The Shame That Binds You, by Bradshaw. Since I was grasping for any and every lifeline, I undertook this suggestion with a tenacity that, even in retrospect, still astounds me. I needed answers and my counselor rather shoved me in that direction, mercilessly. I use the term, “mercilessly,” because it seemed harsh at the time, but it was a truly caring and merciful shove. In a nutshell, my “shame-core” was a system of beliefs that caus …
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