Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest, PDHom You are a precious gift from the Universe. You might not feel like it sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. In fact, it’s at precisely those times that it would serve you well to remember it and to connect with the beautiful Light that is you - your sweet spirit, the very essence of your soul. Perhaps you’ve spent too much time in the presence of people who do not appreciate your Light. It’s probably because it frightens them; they live mostly in their own shadow of Darkness that your Light is blind …
Why it hurts to leave the sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader asking why it hurt to leave the sociopath: Why would a person become distraught when the narc/sociopath that has wronged them gives them the silent treatment? I have ridden the merry go round for 10 years with a guy that has cheated and not told the truth. We break up (usually me pushing him away and him acting the victim and then we never can stay away.) He begs, I reject and then he retreats and I feel overwrought. Horrible. I feel heartbroken every single time. So hard to understand and get out of this cycle. Any explanation? Actually, there are two explanations, rooted in human psychology, for why it hurts to leave the …
Waiting for the Ripples to Reach the Shore…
Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach. In this article, she reminds us that this too shall pass. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest, PDHom Recently, a very dear friend was confiding in me. After a tremendous shock some months ago that left her reeling, she's been having a pretty bumpy time. She's been feeling stuck. Very, very stuck, and wondering if she'll ever see the light at the end of the tunnel (when it's not the train coming at her). One of the most difficult bits of her troubles has been that she's had no control over the situation. Finding herself in a toxic relationship that …
Everyday kindnesses of love after the sociopath
Yes, there is love after the sociopath, and the proof is in the kiwi tart that my husband, Terry Kelly, made for us today. We received a gift box of fruit, including golden kiwis. It came with a recipe for a kiwi tart. Yesterday, Terry bought the rest of the ingredients. This morning, he made the tart. Why is the timing significant? Because I have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. I need to monitor my sugar intake, and if I eat sweets too late in the day, such as after dinner, the sugar keeps me awake half the night. Terry made the tart early so we could enjoy it with our lunch, and I'd be able to sleep later. This is just the latest of the multitude of pleasures and kindnesses that …
Sociopaths, pain and the Primal Scream
UPDATED FOR 2020: The Primal Scream — I remember this book being all the rage when it was published in 1970, even though at the time I had just started high school. Everyone was talking about the book, by Arthur Janov, and the therapy he developed, called primal therapy. For me, that was the end of it. I never read the book. I never heard anything more about Arthur Janov. I haven't thought about Primal Scream or primal therapy in more than 40 years, until a Lovefraud reader brought it up. The reader sent me a link to an article on Arthur Janov's blog. (He was alive until recently. Janov died in 2017 at the age of 93.) The article was is entitled Why we need safety, and it was published …
Dealing with nasty emails from sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2020 — The Lovefraud reader "Flicka" copied us on the following email thread. The exchange is a good example of how sociopaths use every opportunity to assert control, divide and conquer family members, and engage in character assassination. So how do you deal with nasty emails from sociopaths? By way of background, Flicka was married to a sociopath. Unfortunately, all of her five children inherited their father's disorder and also became sociopaths. Flicka's children are now adults, and she is estranged from all of them. So now, when she should be doting on her grandchildren, she barely sees them. One son, whom we'll call "Bill," was married to a Vietnamese woman, whom w …
To recover from the sociopath, first recognize the depth of your pain
UPDATED FOR 2020 A Lovefraud reader who posts as "LadyA" sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath. I've spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn't understand why I don't feel any better about it. What was I missing? When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could …
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Recovering from a sociopath by living your life
UPDATED FOR 2020 You're in meltdown. You've come to the conclusion that you've been involved with a sociopath, and that everything this person told you was a lie, from the details of his or her life to the proclamations of undying love. Now it all makes sense. Now you understand how the unbelievable headiness of the whirlwind romance (love bombing) morphed into the silent treatment, unexplained absences and unprovoked rages (devalue and discard). You have discovered the truth: The person you fell in love with never existed. Everything you saw and experienced was an act designed to exploit you. You are crushed. Overwhelmed by disappointment and betrayal, the emotional pain is …
How to find love after the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …
3 self-care steps to begin your recovery from narcissistic abuse
If you have tangled with anyone who has an exploitative and manipulative personality disorder, you have endured narcissistic abuse. What, exactly, does that mean? Good question. "Narcissistic abuse" is not an official term listed in the bible of mental health, which is the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). If you Google the term, you'll find the circular definition that narcissistic abuse is abuse inflicted by a narcissist. Mental health officialdom does not seem to have a good understanding of how these disordered individuals behave in romantic, family or other relationships. So looking for answers, we, the targets, have turned to the …
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