How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Cancer at Christmas – Living in a Sociopath’s World

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When Things Were I used to be so good at taking care of things like decorating my house for Christmas with shades of red, green and gold, carefully outlining dark corners with beautiful, gleaming lights to create that wonderful, cozy ambiance of a home filled with love and joy—the way it should feel at Christmas time. There were carefully thought out, warm meals prepared, music filling the crisp air, homemade Christmas sweets to grab on the way out the door, and soft, warm blankets on every couch for that last minute snuggle.  I would intentionally direct my energies towards evoking wonder with my family and daughter every day of December. Denial of Darkness I lived in my own reality of den …

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Jacqueline Kraft Bruno: 6 Ways to Heal the Feminine Spirit after Abuse

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By Jacqueline Kraft Bruno You may have identified you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, or a sociopath or a sociopathic-narcissist. You may have read and re-read the signs and symptoms. Maybe you have compared your stories with those of others who have walked the same road. Perhaps you have felt shock, anger and grief, at the realizations of who you were really with. Maybe you're wondering why. Why did I choose this person, or why did I let this person choose me? Maybe you're ready to start moving past it but find yourself reliving the past or the feelings of the past. Now what? For me, there wasn't a one stop solution for healing from the complex-trauma left behind when the …

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How can a run-in with a sociopath be a spiritual journey?

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This post refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. My first book is entitled, Love Fraud how marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.  I imagine that for many of you, your reaction to this title is, "Huh?" God is good, right? The Universe is supposed to support us, right? So how can there possibly be anything spiritual about having your life trampled by a sociopath? Believe me, as I was in the midst of the struggle, I asked those questions. Except in my pleadings with my Higher Power, I wasn't so polite. As you can see from my wedding video, I was well and truly duped into marrying James Montgomery. He presented …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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How to work with your brain to so you can feel better

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Dealing with sociopaths and the havoc they create crushes your sense of wellbeing, mood, self-esteem, confidence and happiness. In short, sociopaths make you miserable. Sometimes all you want is to feel better. Eric Barker wrote an article on BusinessInsider.com about how to feel happier. He summarized the work of multiple neuroscientists to come up with four steps you can take that will improve your outlook. They are: Ask "What am I grateful for?" Label negative emotions Make a decision Touch someone These aren't just "feel good" platitudes the suggestions are based on what affects your brain. Take these steps and you just might start to feel better. And that will enable you to deal with …

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7 reasons loving a cheater can be a gift

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Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …

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How did you get caught by a sociopath? Find answers in the new Red Flags of Love Fraud Workbook ebook

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As I learned more and more about the depths of my one-time husband's deception and betrayal, one of the things I kept asking myself was this: How did I get myself into this mess? I was a college-educated journalist and business owner. I'd been dating for more than 20 years. Yet nothing this man promised me was real, and I couldn't see it until it was far too late. How did this happen? Since my personal experience, and hearing from thousands of Lovefraud readers, I've discovered that we all have vulnerabilities, and sociopaths are experts at finding them. Recognizing our own vulnerabilities will help us understand why we were targeted, and what we have to do to recover. More importantly, …

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Pathological Liars are Sociopaths, Sociopaths are Pathological Liars

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Lies and Cheats I think to myself in retrospect of all the occurrences where the SP was telling a COMPLETE lie.  Of course, at the time, I knew something wasn't right, but I wanted him to make it right.  I wanted him to prove to me what he was really saying was true, which he never did.  For a very long time I did not want to believe he was cheating...that much.  I couldn't fathom it.  But he was. Surprise Visit I went to teach dance every Thursday evening and he came home from our office early so I could beat the traffic.  9 times out of 10 he was late, so I eventually had to tell him the schedule at work had changed to earlier, so when he was late, I would still be on time. One day I decide …

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Pets and recovery from sociopaths

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For the first time in 12 years, we've had a dog in the house. Terry and I have been watching our nephew's dog while he and his parents are on vacation. The dog, Cade, is a frisky 15-month-old mix. I don't know what breeds are in the mix, but Cade looks a lot like Beau, the dog I had while married to the sociopath and the dog who kept me company as I recovered from my ex-husband's destruction. I've been having flashbacks. Cade follows me around the house the way Beau did. He curls up in the same spots on the carpet that Beau liked. And he gets in the same kind of trouble that Beau did when he was young. I'm loving every minute of it (okay, I could do with a little less chewing). Cade …

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Maintaining No Contact with a Sociopath

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Boundaries?  I Don't Know What Those Are It's amazing how even after years and months go by of you making it perfectly clear what kind of contact you want with the sociopath, they don't reciprocate your boundaries.  I think it's just mind boggling over and over again in my mind that this concept of boundaries is so foreign to them, and they have no means, let alone intentions, of adhering to them. I mean normal people who find out other people don't want them to contact them anymore, just...stop.  But the sociopath does the exact opposite.  They continue to push buttons, push boundaries, push limits.  There is a constant alertness on the part of the person that set up the boundaries against t …

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