How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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For Valentine’s Day: The difference between sociopathic “love” and real love

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Yes, there is love after the sociopath. I divorced my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, in 2000. A little more than a year later, I met Terry Kelly. We dated for a few years, got to know each other, and then married. Terry and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary. I can honestly say that I am as happy and in love as I was on our wedding day. What's different about love with a normal, caring person, and "love" with a sociopath? Just about everything. Real love is peaceful I don't have the stress, drama and doubt that I felt while married to the sociopath. Instead, with Terry, I feel calm and content. Real love is supportive My sociopathic ex-husband was demanding and …

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Co-parenting and Interactions with the Sociopath After the Divorce

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by Quinn Pierce I sat on the edge of the stage watching the teams race up and down the court. It was the first game of my son's basketball tournament. I knew my ex-husband was there, because I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot.  I wasn't surprised that he was there, even though he said he wasn't going.  He often changed his plans last minute, or lied entirely just to avoid giving a difinitive answer and to keep others off balance. When I saw him standing by the players, I felt a mix of annoyance and disgust that he continues to play the 'Father of the Year' role, despite the cruel and un-fatherly behavior he practices behind closed doors.  At least I knew he would not try to …

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The Cost of a Sociopath

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I've been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is: All my life, I've been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques. “For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.” Something like that. But I don't think anyone knows how many years you lose to a psychopath. Not even counting the years you spend going crazy before you finally figure out wha …

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Winter of Wellness – January 20 to March 20

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I just received word of a "Winter of Wellness" event free presentations by 40 holistic health and wellness pioneers. The presentations will take place online and on the phone from January 20 through March 20, 2015. I've been impressed by the work of several of the listed experts, including: David Feinstein Author of the book The Promise of Energy Psychology, which teaches EFT tapping (Emotional Freed Technique), which I believe can help anyone overcome the emotional devastation of an involvement with a sociopath. John Gray, Ph.D. A relationship expert and author of, Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Dawson Church Author of The Genie in Your Genes, explaining the link b …

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Watching the Sociopath Self-Destruct

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by Quinn Pierce  The Perpetual Victim I don't know how he does it.  It's a skill he continues to practice and perfect, I suppose. What's astonishing is his ability to twist any situation- no matter how absurd- into something where he can paint himself as the victim. Anyone who was even remotely involved in our lives last year would know that my ex-husband reached a new level of vindictive, hurtful behavior.  He manipulated every resource he could access including doctors, courts, school systems, and child services in two states.  It was such a forceful and constant barrage of attacks that I didn't even have time to collect my thoughts before responding. And that was his goal all alo …

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New Year’s Resolutions for Lovefraud readers

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Here we are, at the beginning of the New Year. Let's make it a year of recovery, healing and growth! I offer the following suggestions for New Year's resolutions: I will treat myself with love and respect regardless of how I may have been treated by others. I will trust my own perception of reality. I will maintain No Contact. I will accept that what happened actually did happen and let it go. I will listen to the still, small voice that knows the truth my intuition. I will evaluate other people by their actions, not their words. I will make time for my personal healing and growth. How about you? Do you have a resolution to share? I wish all Lovefraud readers a wonderful New Year!   …

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Merry Christmas to all Lovefraud readers!

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Christmas is the time of peace and joy. To all Lovefraud readers, know that peace and joy are possible, even after what you've experienced. Commit to your recovery. Even if you experience a few bumps in the road, keep going. Through patience and perseverance, you can become whole again, I promise you. May the Christmas spirit help you move from the darkness to the light. Much love to all, Donna and Terry     …

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Sarah Strudwick Presents: ‘Dark Souls’ – The Aftermath Talk

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Editor's note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. Sarah Strudwick Presents: 'Dark Souls' — The Aftermath Talk LONDON Saturday 31st January 2015 12.30-2.30 A good way of describing the relationship with a sociopath is to liken it to a Tsunami. Sometimes you are lucky enough to come out of it unscathed but for many you are left with an aftermath  which can take days, months or even years to clean up. Five years ago Sarah Strudwick decided to write Dark Souls fresh out of her  relationship with a s …

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An abused woman’s negotiation with herself

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Writing in the first person, Reut Amit describes a dialog that many abused women know: As long as her partner wasn't hitting her, she could put up with his lies, his cheating, his verbal and psychological abuse, and her isolation. “I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn't cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave,” Amit writes on Huffington Post. With the help of other abused women, she did not wait until the arbitrary red line was crossed to get out of the relationship. He Never Hit Me, from HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by MaryAnn Glynn. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online …

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Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or not

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "GoldenGirl.” I remember my first red flag. We were walking to his car on a first date after about three months of telephone conversation after we first met. I was so shocked by what “I” blurted out, that I ignored my own advice. As we were close to his car, I turned to him and said, for no specific reason, “If you ever lie to me I will leave you.” I immediately apologized and said, “I don't know where that came from! I have never said anything like that to someone before in my life.” It is five years later and I dearly wish that I had followed my own advice. I was 65 at the time, had not …

Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or notRead More