How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Recovering from the Lingering Effects of a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce  One of my least favorite activities is walking through the women's fragrance department at the mall.  I always reach the other side of the store trying to hold my breath while fighting the impending headache and dizziness that always follows.  By the time I get home, I feel as though every area of my environment has been saturated; the scent lingers on my clothes, in my car, in my hair”¦ It is with similar annoyance that I recognize the clinging traces of my ex-husband's sociopathic behaviors in my own responses to current situations.  For instance, throughout my relationship, my ex-husband often criticized or attacked my decisions and actions that were independent of his …

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Why sociopaths keep showing up

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A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following question: I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this? This reader posts as "Sam." Last year I published her story as a "Letter to Lovefraud." The explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of Sam's story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her: She witnessed domestic violence from a very young age. She left home before she turned 15. She suffered from depression. Her …

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Failed Attempts at Marriage Counseling with a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce  I sat in the small, tastefully furnished room and listened to the tick”¦tick”¦tick of the clock.  I had long since stopped listening to the conversation going on around me. This was not the way it was supposed to be.  I stepped into the psychologist's office less than a half hour earlier full of optimism and hope.  Unfortunately, I was, once again, realizing how naive I had been. An Insincere Effort For nearly a year, I had been begging and pleading with my (then) husband to come to marriage counseling.  Our relationship was deteriorating a a rate that was destined for destruction.  He always supported me and the children going to counseling, so I was amazed when he a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She played the hot and cold game

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Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader "truelove." Wow where to start. I am in my 40s and started dating a girl in her late 20s back in April 2013. I had met her a couple years ago and thought she was a nice, caring person. We started dating and things got hot and heavy really fast. It was like a fun roller coaster ride, but little did I realize she had plans to purposely make it jump the tracks once I was most vulnerable and hooked. Taking control She played the hot and cold game with me from the beginning.  I was hurt by it but always went back to her when she wanted to see me. She was taking control of the relationship at this point through manipulating my …

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BOOK REVIEW: Living and Loving After Betrayal

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I've been looking for a book to help you heal from the devastating betrayal of a sociopath. I finally found it. Living and Loving After Betrayal How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment, by Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the best explanation I've ever read of how betrayal affects you emotionally and psychologically, and how to recover from it. In fact, I am so impressed with this book that we are now carrying it in the Lovefraud bookstore. Why it hurts Stosny starts the book by explaining why intimate betrayal hurts so much. Love bonds developed because they were crucial to the survival of the human race. Back in caveman days, we needed to look out for …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How to discourage the psychopath in your life

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Editor's note: The following was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "LouAnn." She had no choice but to deal with a psychopath. 1.    Psychopaths need stimulation. They like “fireworks.” Don't give it to them. Either do not respond to them at all, or give them very calm, professional responses. This is called “non-reward” and it will become much less fun to bully you. 2.    When you do respond, respond slowly. Psychopaths need instant gratification. Making them wait for your response is not fun or stimulating for them. 3.    Consider not telling them about the damage they have done. They may be secretly finding glee from hurting you if they are in revenge mode, or may find satisf …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …

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Divorcing A Sociopath: Getting Away, Staying Away

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 by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity.  These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs.  Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even  possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain.  Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband,  or pretending he was a …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath?

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by Quinn Pierce The other day, in one of my counseling sessions, I was recounting a story about some family members who still interact with my ex-husband, despite my requests that they respect me enough to not have any contact with him. I was no longer angry or annoyed by their behavior, I had since realized it is much easier if I lower my expectations for some people in my life and distance myself from others.  But, I was curious about their inability to stop contact with my ex-husband even after knowing everything he has done to my family. The Inexplicable Bond It led me to wonder: Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath? It seems as though it makes no difference if …

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