By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning came to mind today. Dr. Frankl wrote his book after spending time in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII. He lost his wife, his family and most of his friends. His book was not just another list of the atrocities done by the Nazis, but a look at the emotional toll taken by the hopeless situations in the camps and how different people responded differently. I learned a lot from this book, and I highly recommend it for those who have suffered “hopeless” situations. "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when fac …
Gain disguised as loss; healing after the storm
Few, if any, walk away from their experiences with psychopaths completely unscathed. They may leave us bankrupt, homeless, or destitute. They may feign victimization, as they continue to wage their assaults, further insulting what we actually endured at their hands. Their thirst for destruction may be almost insatiable when it comes to us. Those are just the tangible losses. Let us give equal time to the emotional confusion and trauma. Many of us suffer from PTSD, depression, or serious physical medical concerns, as a result. Living through experiences with psychopaths, or those with such features, is an incredible feat. While we tend to focus on the negative consequences, we shou …
Sometimes, harassment by the sociopath just isn’t important
By Olga Rodriguez Every time I post on LF; I predictably get a text from the sociopath saying something negative; sure enough after the last posting (Now I can honestly say to a victim, 'I understand how you feel') I got one. I recall having a conversation with the sociopath back when we were still together. I was expressing my love of writing. I said I'd love to write a book sometime. His response was, “Me too.” I asked why and he said, “Just so I can say I wrote a book.” Bragging rights, I guess! I asked, “Would you care if it sold or not? “ He said, “No!” I explained that my reward would be having someone, even if it was just one person, say, “That book changed my life.” Or I'd like …
Sometimes, harassment by the sociopath just isn’t importantRead More
Time and recovery from sociopaths
I can't believe that it is Labor Day. Here in the U.S., it's the holiday that marks the end of summer, and all I can wonder is, where did the summer go? Yesterday, my husband, Terry, complained about a "time leak"—he swears that an hour is now only 40 minutes long. Actually, of course, time keeps moving at the same pace, with the exception of the "leap second" added on June 30, 2012. (This apparently caused software problems all over the Internet.) Yes, time marches on—and we can use this to our advantage in recovering from the sociopath. Involvements with sociopaths cause serious damage to our emotions, psychology, health, finances, social connections—to our very lives. We can recove …
What did the sociopath give me and why is it so hard to let it go?
Editor's Note: The following was posted as a comment by the Lovefraud reader, NewLife43. I thought everyone should see it. I had a small epiphany today while driving back from the grocery store. What, exactly, did the spath give me that I find so difficult to let go? I have been married twice before and when those marriages were over, I was sad and wished that they hadn't ended the way that they had. But neither one of them was like this 8 year relationship! I was still the same person, what was so different this time? Why couldn't I release it and move on with my life? Neither one of my ex-husbands were like the spath. In fact, NO ONE had ever made me feel like he did. And by that I …
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Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”
Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic. If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much "no contact" as is possible my child's psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These people don't …
My Brown Eyed Girl – Life DOES continue after the sociopath
Greetings to all my friends here on Lovefraud. I have been silent for a couple of weeks because I've been dealing with a few personal things I would now like to share with you. I already posted the story on my own blog and, after chatting with Donna (who is always so kind and supportive) I've realised that while my story is not about the usual sociopath or survivor message, it may possibly be of value. So here it is - with a few added words just for everyone here. I hope you like it... It felt so deliciously peaceful just floating there in the nothingness. The noisy mind-chatter all but disappeared, I was happily allowing myself to drift off to sleep, enjoying the half-way-ness of being …
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The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …
How to get revenge against the sociopath
You've finally figured out what is wrong with an individual who has taken advantage of you, abused you, perhaps even assaulted you. Reading Lovefraud, you realize that he or she is a sociopath. Now, you're an emotional wreck. You've been profoundly betrayed. You're justifiably angry. Plus, the sociopath has caused you real problems. Perhaps all your money is gone. Or you're in a vicious child custody battle. You've lost your job, your savings or your home. You suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD. You feel so far down that you don't even know which direction is up. You are outraged by the sociopath's actions. You are further outraged that after this individual bulldozed through y …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can honestly say to a victim, ‘I understand how you feel’
Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader formerly posted under the name of "Adelle." Her articles include "A thank you note to my sociopath" and "If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it." In the past I have written under the name of Adelle in an effort to keep my stalker from finding me. I dated this man and lived with him for about two years; he knows one of my passions is writing. I've written a few articles that have been published; he knows my style so it didn't take him long to figure out I was “Adelle.” The fact that while I was still living with him I would get my support from Lovefraud also made it easy to find my writings. He knows a lot about me; of course he does ”¦ that is what soci …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can honestly say to a victim, ‘I understand how you feel’Read More