Recovery from a sociopath

Before I became entangled with the sociopath, I was an avid consumer of self-help books and programs. Although I was successful in my career, I could not get the relationship thing to work. This, of course, was the vulnerability exploited by the sociopath I married, but I get ahead of myself. In my quest for answers—Why was I alone? Why couldn't I find love?—I once participated in a weekend seminar called "Understanding Yourself and Others." After some initial skepticism, I found the program to be helpful. One of the things I remember from the weekend is a pithy little motto: "The truth will set you free—but first it will piss you off." In reference to sociopaths, truer words were never sp …

After the sociopath, hard-learned truthsRead More

In the three years since Lovefraud launched, it's grown from a website to a community. I am always amazed and appreciative that so many people are contributing. New readers arrive distraught and asking for help; other readers respond with caring and heartfelt support. People start to recover. It is beautiful to watch. Thank you all. As we post, there is an important fact that we must all keep in mind. Here it is: Linguists estimate that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication is transmitted via nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expression, body language. None of these cues, of course, are available over a computer. That means when we post written comments on the L …

Guidelines for posting comments on the Lovefraud BlogRead More

Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader; we'll call her Lisa. In one short paragraph, Lisa conveyed the betrayal, rage, pain and hopelessness that we've all felt: If a stranger broke into my house and stole all my valuables and then burned the rest. If I was left homeless and broke. I would be angry. I would be damaged. But I would recover. The person who did this slept in my bed and held me tight and told me he loved me every day. He told me that we were moving overseas and that everything should go. Stop paying the mortgage. Sell your furniture for cheap. Burn the rest. I did it. He disappeared with my jewelry and cash. I feel that I cannot recover. I am devastated. I am …

8 steps to recovery from the betrayal of a sociopathRead More

When the sociopath was arrested and I awoke to the devastation around me, I was overwhelmed with one, undeniable truth. I was alive. I didn't think it was possible. Hadn't believed it would happen. I had spent so long in those final months wanting to die, wishing I could, thinking of ways to make it happen and waiting for him to make it happen, I couldn't believe I actually was alive. Yet, I was. How could that be? What was I supposed to do with this unexpected gift of a lifetime? In Jackie Nink Pflug's book, Miles to Go Before I Sleep, her survivor's story of being shot in the head by terrorists and left for dead when the plane she was on from Athens to Cairo was hijacked, she …

After the sociopath is gone: Loving being me.Read More

Hot. Sunny. The slits of the blinds filter the light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Birds twitter. In the distance, traffic hums. The city awakens. I helped my friend's daughter move out of her house on Saturday. My friend's daughter who discovered one morning that her fiance whom she was to marry in August was untrue. It was a tough time. A difficult day. Yet, amidst the sadness, a day of hope took shape. A day for new beginnings took seed. New ideas were planted. JS, the young woman who's heart is broken, did well. He was there too. The man who has lied and deceived her. The man who promised he loved her, and only her and yet, does not deny the two other women who believe the same lie. …

After the sociopath is gone: In time…Read More

I planned to discuss fearlessness and sociopathy this week, but instead I want to share with you a very sad event- the passing of my beloved father. My father, Dr. John M. Leedom was a good man and brilliant physician. This was not supposed to happen now, you see I was hoping to move closer to my parents after having recovered my life. I still have not recovered the status that I lost, and now my father will not get to be there when I do. I have been thinking about all the things that were not supposed to happen, including the fact that I married a psychopath/sociopath. I am sure you also have your list. Today I spoke to a friend who was overwhelmed facing the loss of her dog. The dog is …

This was not supposed to happenRead More

It was just a simple text message, "He's a liar". At the time of its arrival on her cellphone, Sarah* didn't know its value. But, as the days unfolded and the story of his deceit was revealed, that little text message became a miracle. A gift from God. A sign from the angels that her life was about to change, radically, for the better. When I first spoke with her, she couldn't see the miracle of that text message. She could only feel its pain. She couldn't see the gift of knowledge it presented or the freedom it represented. She didn't want to see it was a gift for a better future. She wanted his love to be true. She wanted him to be true. She wanted time to rewind and take her back to …

After the sociopath is gone: Miracles that set us free.Read More

It has been five years since the sociopath was arrested and I was set free. Five years of growth, of change, of healing. Five years of pain and sorrow leading the way to laughter and joy, abundance and gratitude. Five years after the ending of that debacle, I am grateful that I no longer have to think about him, or worry about him, or do things because of him, or even for him. Five years of growing into doing for me. Living for me. Turning up for me without fear. What a difference time makes. As I look back to those days when my life was narrowly defined by what he wanted, he said, he needed, he dictated, I am in awe of how far I've come, by how much has changed. I am in …

After the sociopath is gone: Hear me roarRead More