lf2

Archive for November, 2009

I, Psychopath: Watch the documentary online

Three years ago, on November 30, 2006, I received an e-mail from Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

Perhaps you’ve seen Vaknin’s name on the Internet. He wrote and self-published a book called Malignant Self-Love—Narcissism Revisited. He promotes the book heavily online, so if you Google “narcissism,” his website on narcissistic personality disorder comes up on the first page of search results.

Here’s what Vaknin said in his e-mail:

You haven’t responded to my last two e-mails to you. Have I done anything to offend you?

(puzzled)

Take care.

Sam Vaknin

Now, I didn’t remember seeing any e-mails from Sam Vaknin. So I wrote:

This is a preview of I, Psychopath: Watch the documentary online. Read the full post (807 words, 0 images, estimated 3:14 mins reading time)
Posted in: Donna Andersen, Explaining the sociopath, Media sociopaths

After the sociopath is gone: Your best life yet!

There was a time when all I felt grateful for was the absence of his voice, for just an hour or two from the phone.

There was a time when what I was most grateful for was knowing he was somewhere else, somewhere where I wasn’t.

There was a time when I was grateful not to think of him, for just a moment, or an hour, maybe even, if I was really strong, for half a day.

There was a time.

This is a preview of After the sociopath is gone: Your best life yet!. Read the full post (1136 words, 0 images, estimated 4:33 mins reading time)
Posted in: M.L. Gallagher, Recovery from a sociopath

Thanksgiving–count your blessings

By Ox Drover

I’m sure we have all heard the old saying, “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” This “old saying” is true, though I think it is made up to inspire some guilt in us for complaining about the small things we lack and make us aware that we are fortunate to have the many blessings that we do have, which many others are not fortunate enough to have.

This is a preview of Thanksgiving–count your blessings. Read the full post (755 words, 0 images, estimated 3:01 mins reading time)
Posted in: Recovery from a sociopath

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hyper vigilance and PTSD

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received this story from the member who writes as “Duped.”

In hindsight, I remember questioning the little green things on the dinosaur nuggets he prepared for dinner. I was surprised he’d made the effort, in response to much nagging about not pitching in. It was late and I’d just returned from teaching an evening class. An overload to pay the bills since he quit his job. We had been arguing a lot, or rather me complaining; him not working, cleaning, taking care of the kids or pets and not making so much of an effort as to prepare a meal or help me. I had been working my full-time job teaching, overloaded for extra pay, consulting work for a publisher to generate more income, plus trying to finish my graduate degree in time to make tenure. All this and two children, one his and only a year old. And he never lifted a finger.

This is a preview of LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hyper vigilance and PTSD. Read the full post (931 words, 0 images, estimated 3:43 mins reading time)
Posted in: Cases, Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

BOOK REVIEW: Perfect Prey

Lovefraud first heard from Liz Cole, author of Perfect Prey—Surviving a Cyber Shark’s Romantic Fraud, back in 2007, shortly after she realized that the guy she met on the Internet was a sociopath.

The guy called himself John Hill, although that wasn’t his real name. Liz wrote:

In my case, John presented himself as:
an Irish born gentleman,
well groomed,
graduate degreed,
retired from the Royal Marines where he performed his tour of duty in the Falkland Islands,
a dutiful and tireless single parent to one daughter, aged 25 completing Medical School in Dublin,
an accomplished chef and restaurateur,
an accomplished sailor,
multi-lingual,
affectionate,
old-school about etiquette,
strong work ethic and,
a family background rich in details complete with family tartan (Montgomery Clan), brogues, Prince Albert jacket etc.

This is a preview of BOOK REVIEW: Perfect Prey. Read the full post (352 words, 0 images, estimated 1:24 mins reading time)
Posted in: Book reviews, Donna Andersen, Media sociopaths

Healthy Giving

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

By Ox Drover

Thirty years ago I met a special lady, she was my next-door neighbor’s sister-in-law. She had grown up in Italy during WWII. Her father was a “slave” to the government and worked for them. In exchange, he was given at least a limited amount of food. He loved his children and gave all the food to his children. As a consequence of giving all the food he had to his children, he became very weak and unable to work at full capacity. His masters informed him that if he continued to give the majority of the food to his children that when he became unable to work, all food would be stopped, and not only he, but his children as well, would starve.

This is a preview of Healthy Giving. Read the full post (816 words, 0 images, estimated 3:16 mins reading time)
Posted in: Recovery from a sociopath

When nurture becomes nature

There comes a time when nurture becomes nature.

This is the time when nurture and nature become inextricable, inseparable.

I suspect nobody knows precisely when this point arrives in the development of a given individual, but the immediate ramification is this: When you are involved specifically with a sociopath, or any exploitative personality, it is imperative that you stop asking how this person became who he is?

Sure, he likely endured—and was shaped by—some form of neglect or abuse growing up, and if this wasn’t obvious in the history, it was still likely there.

This is a preview of When nurture becomes nature. Read the full post (575 words, 0 images, estimated 2:18 mins reading time)
Posted in: Explaining the sociopath, Recovery from a sociopath, Steve Becker, LCSW

Your voice. It counts.

When I was with the man whose lies no longer hurt me, I believed he held my freedom in his hands. I believed I could only be free with his love. With his words. His voice feeding me the lies I called the truth. The lies I believed were truth and was too afraid to uncover with my questions, with my doubt, with my fear he was telling lies.

Freed of him, I know the truth. I am free when I watch my words. When I listen to my voice. When I hear my thoughts and acknowledge my presence in my life — without measuring my journey against someone else’s belief they hold my freedom in their hands.

This is a preview of Your voice. It counts.. Read the full post (1114 words, 0 images, estimated 4:27 mins reading time)
Posted in: M.L. Gallagher, Recovery from a sociopath

Judge Judy hears case about rape and the abuse of the legal system

A Lovefraud reader sent a link to a Judge Judy program on YouTube.

Judge Judy, Get Unshocked

In this case, the plaintiff, Paul Baker, has filed a lawsuit against his ex-wife, Casey Bell. Baker says that Bell falsely accused him of rape, which caused him to spend time in jail, lose his job as a firefighter, and spend $30,000 on legal fees.

Bell says that Baker did, in fact rape her. She tearfully proceeded to tell Judge Judy how it happened, and as her story unfolded, Judge Judy became more and more incredulous.

This is a preview of Judge Judy hears case about rape and the abuse of the legal system. Read the full post (169 words, 0 images, estimated 41 secs reading time)
Posted in: Donna Andersen, Female sociopaths, Laws and courts, Media sociopaths

Recovering from a sociopath: acceptance and focusing on now

Lovefraud has heard from a woman who we’ll call “Sally.” Sally is dealing with a sociopathic man who threatened to kill her, sabotage her daughter’s career and injure other family members. She says law enforcement either doesn’t believe her or doesn’t care.

Sally has been in touch with another of the sociopath’s victims, and they’ve helped each other through the nightmare. Still, people in regular support groups don’t believe them, and friends and family members have backed away. A lawyer and a therapist have backed away.

Sally recently sent Lovefraud the following e-mail:

This is a preview of Recovering from a sociopath: acceptance and focusing on now. Read the full post (1055 words, 0 images, estimated 4:13 mins reading time)
Posted in: Donna Andersen, Recovery from a sociopath

Send this to a friend