Editor's note: A master's student from Carleton University in Ottowa, Canada, is researching psychopaths in the workplace. She invited Lovefraud readers to participate in her research, and many of you did. Below are her preliminary findings. Backstabbing bosses and callous co-workers: An examination of the experience of working with a psychopath. Very little research has been conducted on the phenomenon of corporate psychopathy or victims of psychopaths. This study was one of the first to take a victimcentric approach to study how psychopaths behave in a workplace. The purpose of the study was to better understand the effects (mental, physical, financial, social) of working with an …
Why we get hooked on unpredictable romance
Many Lovefraud readers have experienced the phenomenon of knowing that a romantic partner is unreliable and even bad for them, but they keep taking the person back. A psychiatrist explains why this happens. Blame your brain. I heart unpredictable love, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Hurricanes, warnings and not wanting to believe
The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore. A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband's drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. T …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopath
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader called "Makemenew2012." The Lure I met my second husband, an African immigrant, on a social media site in early January of this year. Mr. C (as I'll refer to him) connected with me through a mutual acquaintance and began sending me e-mails every day. At first, his messages seemed rather innocent— Mr. C asked how my day was going, what the weather was like, etc. But after a few days, he began fishing for information, inquiring about my husband and children. The first time, I ignored his question and responded on my own behalf. The next time, I replied that I didn't have a husband or children. And that was his cue to st …
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Sowing the seed of knowledge
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and Betrayal
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who writes as "Esther." I am watching with horror as I see the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. The water and photos of devastation bring back memories for me of my experiences in South Florida—three hurricanes back to back destroyed my home. I was married to the sociopath at that time. He enjoyed the attention and the chaos. I was devastated and overwhelmed. The insurance adjusters, claims, trying to get tarps to protect the home from further rain and damage, the ceiling collapsing and the black mold that began to appear on the walls after the power was restored. Contractors could not be found, and the predators looking f …
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Chasing ghosts: psychopathy and the children
Psychopaths tend to be sexually promiscuous. They often have numerous short term romantic relationships and indiscriminant sexual encounters throughout their lives. Further, they commonly engage carelessly and recklessly, without regard for consequences. This, unfortunately, often leaves trails of children behind in their wakes. Psychopaths do not make good parents. They may be able to create the children, but do not have the ability to effectively parent. Frequently, they fail to properly provide for these children in most ways, as they are unusually focused on themselves, their own wants and needs, and often driven to act in anger and revenge. This is true, independent of whether o …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year. Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. "Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship." Well, if the spath isn't engaging in withhold/reward, they're engaging in …
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Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW [Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.] You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot …
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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He told me he loved me and would someday marry me
Lovefraud received the following email from a young lady whom we'll call "Suzette." I'm only twenty years old & I feel like my soul has been snatched out of me. I met him in my neighborhood; we'd been acquainted for a year. He contacted me out of the blue about how hurt he was that his girlfriend cheated (Lie#1). We hung out, I was charmed & wooed and he told me he loved me, & would someday marry me because I was the one. He just didn't know if he could handle jumping into something serious. I settled for taking it slow. He claimed he fell on hard times (Lie#2), couldn't find a job (actually wasn't looking) and needed a place to stay. I have a giving heart and so I felt sorry …
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