Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." When I was trying to process the facts about my eldest son, I sought counseling therapy. This was on the heels of having been stalked and harassed by a would-be business partner. At that time, I was what is termed today as a "hot mess." I was attempting to run a commercial art business and was in such a state of hypervigilance and fear-based anxiety that I was unable to function. The counselor was cursory with my issues and ended my treatment after the insurance-allotted number of sessions. I didn't feel that I had accomplished any work with her, though she did allow me to rant and rave about my …
LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: A tale of 4 wives
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …
Murder from both sides
If you've been visiting Lovefraud for awhile, you probably know that Lovefraud author and member Joyce Alexander, who comments as "Ox Drover," is protesting the parole of her son, Patrick Alexander. Patrick Alexander was convicted of murdering 17-year-old Jessica Witt in January, 1992. Then, in 2007, while still in prison, Patrick sent a man to kill his mother, Joyce. She believes that if Patrick were paroled, he would come after her again. Joyce has expressed the sorrow that she feels for the family of Jessica Witt, whose life her son ended. Now we can understand what that family endured. Jessica Witt's aunt, MaryHellen Cuellar, has posted about the experience on a website called …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Rochelle." As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples: What you do or say and what the sociopath hears Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues. Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues. Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive. Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something. Crying because I am hurting = drama queen. Me asking him not to bring up a topic while …
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While litigation fees mount, Connecticut court awards custody to abusers
This two-part article in the Washington Times follows the money trail of Connecticut family court. Author Aine Nistophain writes about a 9-year-old, Max: When Max reported to authorities that his father had raped him, the Judge Munro awarded sole custody of him to his father. Suddenly, Max went from living with his mother full time, to seeing his mother a few hours a week in supervised visitation run by strangers armed with clipboards, then no contact at all. There's more, and it's bad. Read: Finding Ground Zero in Connecticut Immunity for Guardian Ad Litem destroys Connecticut family …
While litigation fees mount, Connecticut court awards custody to abusersRead More
Sociopaths: The giant skeleton in humanity’s closet
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader in Holland whom we'll call "Anika": Today I registered to your love fraud site. Nice that you created it. It is a great help when you are abused by a socio-psychopath whatever you call it. I've been divorced from mine almost 30 years. Only 3 years ago I read a book that explained to me why, after my divorce, my life changed from a drama into a hell. And this blog and sites are very helpful. Knowledge gives power. So I am together with a cousin (who is also divorced her psychopath), working on creating something like this in Holland. In our country it seems to be an unknown subject. I want to write especially about the t …
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Healing is a journey
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've written here many times that I used to think that healing was a place we arrived at and that once we got there “everything would be wonderful.” I have learned in my latest tangles with the multiple psychopaths in my life that healing is NOT a place that we arrive at, but it is a Journey. I have no doubt looking back at my relationship with my P-sperm donor that I had PTSD when I escaped from his clutches at least alive, which is more than some of his victims have done. I was 19 and had no one to advise me. Looking back, I wanted to talk to people about this trauma and no one seemed to either believe or care. Even my Egg Donor didn't believe a word …
Our “crazy” friends and associates: discounting us by dismissing them
Those of us who have been in abusive relationships know all too well what it feels like to be discounted. We may have been told that our beliefs are ridiculous, our thoughts off kilter, and been made fun of for having them. We may have encountered ethnic or racial slurs, made by those who should have been the last to utter such words. After all, belittle our very core, the parts of us that we can do nothing about, and we may really turn into putty. We have also probably spent countless hours being ignored, which signals us that we were not worthy of the abuser's time or attention. As a result, over time, even we may begin to question out own judgment, value, and abilities. The list ca …
Our “crazy” friends and associates: discounting us by dismissing themRead More
The shame and blame game
All conscientious people, when there's a problem in a relationship, take a look inside eventually to see where their fault or responsibility lies. In a good couple relationship, you might have a fight over something, but then at some point, you talk about it and get a different understanding of where your partner was coming from, which can change your perspective. You might realize you reacted because it pushed some sort of button in you, perhaps some experience from your past, or you misinterpreted something. In this interchange, both people in a mutually caring relationship should eventually take responsibility for their part of the conflict. Through resolving the conflict you should end …
Relationships after the sociopath
I received the following email from the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Zimzoomit:" I saw the Lifetime Network show about you and lovefraud.com. What I would like to know is how the man who came next (your true lover, after the fraud) helped you to overcome the emotional havoc your ex who frauded you caused? Is there a specific blog or link on lovefraud.com to tell us how he helped you? Were you able to talk about things that bothered you about your ex, even ever so occasionally, when/if the haunted thoughts encroached on you ”¦ even if only occasionally but for years after the fact, and if so, what things did your new love say, to help you overcome those thoughts? Was he willing to li …