How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Deception from the first encounter, and every single day thereafter

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "amille2." When my boyfriend..........or should I say the man I thought was my boyfriend...........walked out the door a couple of days ago, I told him I felt like I had been sucker punched. He replied, "No, you haven't" and shut the door. Just two days before that, I read his wife/girlfriend?'s grandmother's obituary whereby he was listed as the husband/significant other. The physical jolt that went through my body was immense ........... followed by the sound of every lie I had been told for the past 5 years clicking open in front of me to see ........... really see this time. Then they all came crashing down …

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After 30 years with a sociopath, she’s now having the time of her life

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a 67-year-old woman whom we'll call "Maura." Lied, cheated, used me and others. Serial adultery, pornography, probable bisexual behaviors, never used condoms. I didn't know about the adultery until much later. He suffered a head injury, and I mistakenly attributed his bad behaviors to that. Violent and aggressive. Marital fraud; some possessions, like a boat and trailer, "disappeared." Claimed money and objects were stolen, but never reported thefts to the police. Nagged and pestered me constantly to buy large items, mostly vehicles, that we couldn't afford. Developed "hobbies" that kept him away from home on a regular …

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Do you speak psychopath? navigating and exposing disordered communication

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Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of disordered communication knows that it can produce an array of madness and negativity. That's the point, after all. But, the more experience we have with it, the more we learn that it is all the same. The players may change, but the messages remain identical. Identifying the fact that the correspondence is, in fact, disordered is the first step to handling it positively. The next is to learn to read between the lines of the written word vomit to understand the actual meaning. When we can, it's liberating. Individuals high in psychopathic traits want no one to be happy. They are easily set off by the most minor of circumstances. They torture …

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6 really bad reasons for staying with the sociopath

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If you're reading Lovefraud, it's probably because you suspect that someone in your life is a sociopath. This person's behavior has baffled you how can he lie so prolifically? How can she be so cold? How can anyone behave so horribly and then act as if nothing happened? So you went looking on the Internet for answers. You've plugged this person's upsetting behavior into your favorite search engine and come across a list of traits such as Lovefraud's Key Symptoms of a Sociopath. Check, check, check the person exhibits all or most of them. So what do you do now? The correct answer is to get the person out of your life as quickly as possible. But some people don't do that. Some people stay …

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Married to a sociopathic pastor for 55 years

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Caroltta." I am 72 ”¦ was married 12/60 ”¦ found out in 1/14 my husband, a pastor for 45 yrs., committed adultery @ every pastorate. In fact, he says he has no idea how many x's & does not remember all the women. There was incest involved in his promiscuous life. He considered divorce for many of his women, but knew he could not preach after that, so his last girlfriend convinced him to murder me & they had a plan which did not work out because I told him I was retiring & he could come with me or not. He has been afraid to do anything, because it would mean no further contact with his …

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Recording artist loses his exciting career over sociopathic woman

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Cory." It started in 2013. I was a semi-successful, growing recording artist and singer. I just got full custody of my first daughter I was touring. Doing radio interviews. Life was exciting and full of enchantment. I became involved with a young woman I had been talking to since high school on and off. She had always seemed sweet. And a great mother as she had 2 boys of her own. We finally got to meet face to face and had sex. I'm not going to lie. It was amazing. She had it all in my eyes looks, charm, amazing in bed. Willing to do things in bed that most women wouldn't dream of. The third time …

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Con artist Bobbi Ann Finley now on her 15th husband

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She's baaaack!!! Lovefraud first wrote about Bobbi Ann Finley almost five years ago, in September 2010. Finley had a habit of hanging around military bases, meeting servicemen, marrying them, and wiping out their bank accounts. When we first wrote about Finley, she'd married 14 men and had at least nine children with almost as many fathers. She was so infamous that she was profiled on ABC's 20/20. In 2011 Finely was convicted of fraud. She was sentenced to three years in an Alabama prison. Well, she's out, and up to her old tricks. She's married again, although Husband #15 is not military. But they're wanted for passing bad checks all over Oregon, unauthorized use of a motor vehicle …

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Know the truth: You are worthy

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I recently received a very short email that asked a very important question. Here it is: Can you give me some advice on how to deal with people who proclaim that I'm worth nothing? By way of background, the email came from a young woman whom we'll call "Alma." Alma is a college student who first wrote to me back in January. A man who supervised her during her summer internship showed interest in her. Although the young woman initially did not respond, he pursued and pursued, until, thinking that he really loved her, Alma finally accepted him. Then, when she left the internship, the man dumped her. Alma was traumatized and could not concentrate on her studies. But people around her …

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‘Justified’ highlights the differences between killers and psychopaths

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One of my favorite television shows ever, Justified, just came to an end. After six seasons, the series finale of this smart, sophisticated crime drama, set in redneck Kentucky, aired on Tuesday, April 14, 2015. That morning, the Philadelphia Inquirer ran an article by Tirdad Derakhshani previewing the grand finale. Derakhshani wrote that the main character, U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens (played by Timothy Olyphant), had "the best lawman swagger since John Wayne." I agree. Here's how Derakhshani described the marshall: "A latter-day cowboy who inhabits a strange, surreal version of Harlan County, Ky., Raylan is a gunslinger for the ages. One who kills. Again. And again. He's more of a …

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He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 3 of 3.

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Corrine." Read Part 1 and Part 2 When my ex returned to my hometown, his behavior was the worst ever, as I discussed previously. And while I lived around my family, he had distanced us from them. It was only after my oldest son had a nightmare that I was shot (he was 12 yrs old) and my daughter (just 3 yrs old) was afraid from nightmares and wanted to stay with me to sleep, (both episodes occurring within 24 hours) I sought an ex parte against him. I remember telling my children that they'd come to realize it was for the best. Again, it was my 8 yr old son who emphatically stated, "we already know it's …

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