October 2016 | Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths - narcissists in relationships

The narcissists in my life – the screamer and the deceiver

October 28, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Hilda." I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc. The screamer my female boss I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy. It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to …

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Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And Evasion

October 27, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 5 Comments

Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 29: It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word “Is” Is Paul manipulated the well-intentioned therapist into becoming complicit in Paul's self-serving altered version of reality—to view Paul as the perfect, calm, devoted, caring father and husband, while I was clearly on edge emotionally due to my declining mental health and jealousy over Paul and Anne-Marie's business partner …

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Groups – a key to healing from a sociopath

October 26, 2016 // by Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT// 2 Comments

By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT Most of you who have been involved with a sociopath have been to therapists either with your partner or individually. Therapy is critical to healing from the PTSD of these relationships from control, abuse, manipulation and deceit, and hopefully you have found a therapist who knows techniques for helping PTSD. There is also the rebuilding of self and the grief of loss that therapy can help with, not to mention the potential stressful impact of divorce on yourself and any children. It would be fortunate if your therapist understands the type of relationship you've been in and the person you were with. This is all necessary and important, but there's a critical …

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New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big lies

October 25, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 4 Comments

An article in the New York Times reviews new research on how the brain reacts to lies. Essentially, when someone continues to lie, "the negative emotional signals initially associated with lying decrease as the brain becomes desensitized." Why big liars often start out as small ones, on NYTimes.com. The story did not say that the research had anything to do with personality disorders. But it certainly makes sense with sociopaths — the more they lie, the easier it becomes, and they tell more lies. And then there's this sociopaths like the sense of power and control that they experience when people believe their lies. So not only does the negative reinforcement fade, but the positive rein …

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Donald Trump’s abusive behavior triggers PTSD – and so does Hillary Clinton’s

October 24, 2016 // by Donna Andersen

Presidential nominee Donald Trump went to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on Saturday, the site of one of the bloodiest battles of America's Civil War, supposedly to outline his plans for his first 100 days in office. But first, he said he'd sue the women who accused him of groping or kissing them without their consent. Typical abusive behavior Trump denied and threatened. That's the typical behavior of an abuser and it's triggering symptoms of PTSD in women who have endured sexual assault and/or relationships with sociopaths. A Lovefraud reader wrote: I wanted to bring up something that has been happening and it's alarming. While Trump has been campaigning for president, it has caused …

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I almost left my husband for a narcissist

October 21, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Marguerite." Hi Donna. I have recently read your book Love Fraud and am now reading Red Flags of Love Fraud, both of which I found were excellent. I feel I am recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist, although I feel blessed that things did not progress from the love bombing stage, which was exactly as you describe in your second book. Showering me with attention It was a very intense period of showering me with a huge amount of attention, adoration and admiration, and I now believe telling me the things I wanted to hear. I'm ashamed to say I was already married when I met him, and at …

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Marital Therapy With A Sociopath–Don’t Waste Your Time

October 20, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 6 Comments

Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 28: All The World's A Stage—To A Sociopath I researched marital therapists, searching for a male counselor (hoping to make Paul more comfortable) with an office near Paul's work so appointments would be minimally disruptive to his stressful, all-consuming job. And so the charade began. Marital talk therapy with a sociopath is like an art appreciation lecture for the bl …

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Banks in Singapore train employees to spot romance scams

October 19, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

A flustered elderly woman walked into an OCBC bank branch in Singapore. Her "friend" was in trouble in Malaysia, and she wanted to send him money. The woman knew her "friend" from the Internet. His bank details didn't match his name. And if he was locked up by the police, how was he able to call the woman? The bank customer service representative, Kristie Chiang, spent hours talking to the woman, trying to convince her that the request for money was a scam. Finally, the woman agreed to file a report with the police. According to another employee, the bank continually trains them to watch out for romance scams, which is a massive problem in Asia. Conflicting bank details raise alarm of …

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Video: Basic rules for a custody battle with a sociopath

October 17, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/i-OqrsZ7o3U" title="Basic%20rules%20for%20a%20custody%20battle%20with%20a%20sociopath"] In this edition of "Letters to Lovefraud" videos, a reader is facing a custody battle with her son's father, who she believes is a sociopath. She asks, "What are my options? Can I mention him being a sociopath in court without looking crazy?" I explain the basic rules of a custody battle with a sociopath. I emphasize that this is not a court procedure with a reasonable person who wants what is best for the child. And I explain your most important tool for building your case. …

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Discovering the double life: For 6 years, I was sleeping next to the devil (Part 2)

October 16, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 2 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Nadine." Read Part 1. I met my partner's parents very early on in the relationship. I was equipped with some knowledge about Narcs due to one of my friends having a Narc ex-mother-in-law. My radar was up, but unfortunately I was looking closely at mother and father instead of him. I did not know about love bombing, so I had no clue he was even remotely like his parents. I knew she was bad news the day I met her. Father was the silent brooding intimating type. Throughout the relationship I was constantly standing my ground with boundaries that were continuously ignored or disrespected. As the mask of my …

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Donna Andersen on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “Hi Samson75 – My paper was peer-reviewed and published in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology. There’s…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “HI Samson, from what I read of Donna’s article, she had more than 2,000 Lovferaud readers as a valid sample.…”
samson75 on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “love fraud subscribers are not really a valid sample as they represent people who either have had trouble dealing with…”
Donna Andersen on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “Thank you for your thoughtful comment.”
samson75 on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “The majority of studies show that bipolar and psychopathy can be comorbid, though it is rare. What people likely see…”