How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for 2019

Avoiding narcissistic abuse and PTSD during the holidays

//  by //  8 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M. ED, CCBT, BC “Do not just slay your demons. Dissect them and find what they’ve been feeding on.”—The Man Frozen in Time Angela was married to a personality disordered husband. She was already traumatized by the threat of danger with each day that she continued a relationship with him. With the prompting and help of her friend,  she filed for divorce. As the divorce was unfolding, her siblings, as was custom throughout the years, continued to demand her presence at all family functions. She had young children, and knew that she should not subject them to the heavy drinking and other activities not appropriate for them. Whenever Angela had ideas for other …

Avoiding narcissistic abuse and PTSD during the holidaysRead More

Sociopath at work: Taking credit for an artist’s talent and creativity

//  by //  7 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from Curt Chiarelli, who is a designer, sculptor, illustrator and author who's worked in the motion picture/television, toy/collectible, video game and museum exhibit industries for over 30 years. The photos show Curt's work that the sociopath he describes attempted to plagiarize. Things that Go Bump Behind the Backstage Curtain By Curt Chiarelli According to the ancient druids, Samhain is the season when the membrane between our world and the nether realm becomes dangerously thin. In the cursed places of the earth, portals would sometimes open and allow monsters to slip through to terrorize mankind. And although it is of monsters …

Sociopath at work: Taking credit for an artist’s talent and creativityRead More

What is sociopathic abuse by proxy?

//  by //  10 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, CCBT, BC If you have had the misfortune of dealing with a sociopath in your life, you are well acquainted with many of their abuse strategies that left you feeling you are like a deer in the headlights, taken by surprise and knocked off your feet. However, there are times when sociopaths do not come straight at you on their own, but employ third parties to carry out their control tactics to ensure you are complying with their demands on a continual basis. This is called abuse by proxy. Why does the sociopath employ third parties? There may be several reasons why the sociopath doesn't use direct tactics with you. You may have inflicted narcissistic …

What is sociopathic abuse by proxy?Read More

After the sociopath, I have recovered but I’m still scarred for life

//  by //  3 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." I married a sociopath who charmed me when I was at a very lonely & depressed time in my life. After only a few months of knowing him, we ended up married. He was younger than me and seemed to have it together. Very handsome, quiet & smart. I had just lost a family member and was devastated & grieving. Our relationship consisted of very high highs and very low lows, it was like being on a roller coaster. I was walking on egg shells all the time and felt in some ways that I had disappeared. His words were cruel & condescending when speaking of his ex, or anyone else he …

After the sociopath, I have recovered but I’m still scarred for lifeRead More

Forgiveness and sociopathic abusers — what the Bible says

//  by //  16 Comments

Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBT, BC As a Christian, I am required to forgive someone if they repent from their misdeeds. Genuine repentance means that a person completely refuses to engage in former abusive behaviors, especially when it comes to how that person behaves with you. Humility is required of all human beings in determining that we many have hurt someone by something we have said or done. Are we required to keep forgiving abusers? In the Bible, God is clear about the requirements for forgiveness. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the …

Forgiveness and sociopathic abusers — what the Bible saysRead More

After the sociopath, I have finally found who I was meant to be

//  by //  2 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader. Names have been changed. My name is Elisa. I was born in Central America. I lived in my native country until I was 18. I was raised by my two parents. As an adult I have identified that every male role model in my family was a narcissist, including my dad and grandparents. I went to school in Texas. I had two boyfriends prior to my college days, which by studying all the information I can diagnose them with either narcissistic tendencies or BPD. Male figures with these characteristics where what normal was for me. I didn't know better. During my freshman year I met Tom — he was my brother's roommate. I found him f …

After the sociopath, I have finally found who I was meant to beRead More

Sociopathic seduction: Three months of romance, then it falls apart

//  by //  2 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received this story from a European woman whom we'll call, "Johanna." I met a man in Facebook. He wasn't my friend but started to write his thoughts, which were so ideal, beautiful and intriguing. He idealized woman and described how he would spend time with woman by loving her so deeply. I analyzed his writings because I was recognizing some depression or bitterness in his writings. It was unusual writings from man. I was a specialized nurse and also specialized in depression. Man was a bit irritated when I did that and I promised not to analyze his writings any longer. He told he was working in high rank in the army. (He did.) But as the writings …

Sociopathic seduction: Three months of romance, then it falls apartRead More

Why you can become addicted to a sociopath

//  by //  134 Comments

Updated for 2019 Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: Why can't I get past this jerk? Why do I feel like there is something wrong with me? You see he dumped me for a female version of himself, i.e., drug dealer, liar, manipulator, violent — and he is stringing me along bad mouthing her to me and vice versa. Never in a million years would I think I would even associate myself with someone like that! Yet I'm beating myself up - why not me?? I should be grateful!! Why am I still pining for this creep? Many, many Lovefraud readers have described the same confusion: I realize now that the person is a sociopath. I know he betrayed me. I know he is bad for me. But I still love …

Why you can become addicted to a sociopathRead More

Fraud at first sight — seduced by a sociopathic woman and her parents

//  by //  2 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud — Sophocles Sociopaths scramble their target’s ability to discern the truth about how a situation or person could potentially be dangerous. Our brains are designed to notice patterns, and make decisions based on the anticipation of these patterns. Because the sociopath confuses the target with lies and alternate kind/cruel behaviors, it becomes nearly impossible for the target to identify that carefully constructed façade that hides the true self, which in reality, is an empty vessel with no identity. Let us consider “Michael,” a tough military guy trained to detect danger. Michael meets Lucy …

Fraud at first sight — seduced by a sociopathic woman and her parentsRead More

Is he a sociopath or am I the toxic person?

//  by //  1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Carolina." I am completely confused about what actually happened and what is going on. I recently broke up with my boyfriend — we have been on and off for the past 18 years — I met him when I was 10 years old. He made me think he was the perfect man. And that he was loyal honest trustworthy sincere caring my soul mate. I'm not a perfect person — I have made mistakes — but he always made me feel secure. I was really dependent on him — he was my whole world. I've always tried to self-evaluate and fix my behavior and I've always been open about talking to him about everything and anything and I thought he …

Is he a sociopath or am I the toxic person?Read More