There was a time when mental health professionals were trained to see children as intrinsically good until influenced otherwise. If kids came out bad, the parents were to blame. That attitude is changing, writes Dr. Richard A. Friedman, a professor of psychiatry in Manhattan. In reality, parents have limited power to influence their children. Read Accepting that good parents may plant bad seeds, on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …
Stolen Valor Act ruled unconstitutional
All those impostors who lied about being in the military when they weren't, lied about earning medals of valor when they didn't, have just gotten a get-out-of-jail-free card. A federal judge in Denver has ruled that the Stolen Valor Act, which made it illegal to falsely claim any military decoration or medal, is "facially unconstitutional." The law violates the First Amendment right of free speech. Great. Now military impostors like my ex-husband, who told me that he won Australia's equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, so that I would believe he was a responsible and trustworthy man, are free to lie all they want. Lying about military service is protected speech. This is …
Why you still want your sociopathic partner
Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they're in love with them, and can't get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions. Now, there's proof. A recent study found that "the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings," according to Science Daily. Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …
Dear Abby and the narcissist
Last week I happened to read a Dear Abby column in the newspaper. A woman wrote to Abby that she had been married to a man for 15 years who was controlling and manipulative, along with being emotionally, economically and sexually abusive. The letter-writer termed her husband narcissistic and passive-aggressive, but in my view he may be a sociopath. The woman is filing for divorce. Her dilemma is that her husband projects a “good guy” image, and she fears that if she accuses him of abuse, no one will believe her. Abby's advice was to tell a few close girlfriends what really happened. “The truth will spread like wildfire,” Abby wrote. I wonder if Abby gave good advice for this situati …
Quarterback Michael Vick possibly in trouble again
Almost a year ago, Lovefraud wrote about Michael Vick, the NFL quarterback who was convicted of running a dog fighting ring, released from jail and hired by the Philadelphia Eagles. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) objected to Vick's reinstatement in the NFL. They wrote to Roger Goodell, league commissioner, stating that the quarterback fit the profile for antisocial personality disorder. Last year's Lovefraud article asked the question, Can Michael Vick change his behavior? The answer, unsurprisingly, may be no. Unlike most sociopaths, Michael Vick is subject to a very public probation. Everyone knows he did time. Everyone knows that for him to keep his job, …
Coming soon: Love Fraud, the book!
On and off for the past four years, I've been mentioning my upcoming book about my experience with a sociopath, James Montgomery, and my recovery from the ordeal. Well, the book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is at the printer, and will be available in about a month. In writing the book, I had five goals: Drawing attention to the problem of sociopaths. Showing how sociopaths weave their web of lies to trap people. Exposing the impotence of social institutions in dealing with these predators. Explaining why, from a spiritual perspective, we fall into these relationships. Offering hope that we can, even after these devastating encounters, r …
The high cost of locking up sex offenders
Twenty states have "civil commitment" laws to keep dangerous sex offenders off the street after their jail sentences are complete. This year, the programs will cost a total of more than $500 million—five times the cost of regular incarceration. Why? Because of all the behavioral therapists, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists who are treating the predators. In Lovefraud's view, this cost could easily be reduced, because many of the sex offenders are psychopaths, and psychopaths can't be rehabilitated. So the solution is to help those who can be helped, and throw the rest in jail. Read: Treatment for a sexual predator costs a whopping $175,000 per person per year in New Y …
What if he says he’ll get help?
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Callista.” I'll have some comments at the end. This is yet ANOTHER email from a woman who realized she had been with a sociopath. In my case, it's been for 8 years. He fits the bill on all counts, except that while his finances are always a mess, he met me when I was coming out of a divorce and mine were a mess too. So he didn't see me as a "mark" he could use and swindle. He is now paying me support and believe it or not he was not only impeccable about paying it to his ex-wife, he is also impeccable about paying me. This confuses me because he lacks the trait of screwing EVERYONE. Don't get me wrong, there i …
What is on that computer? Ask Scout
If you're looking for evidence about what your spouse is really doing on his or her computer—evidence that you can use in court—look into the Scout. The Scout is a device and service offered by Catch-A-Cheater.net. It was invented by Rob Moody, a forensic data specialist with 15 years of experience finding information on hard drives for corporate, government and law firm clients. What kind of information can a computer forensic examination find? Here are some examples from Moody's case files: • Trip with the mistress: A guy used a travel agent to book and pay for a trip for himself and another person, who was not his wife. The trip was confirmed via text. He thought the text was dele …
Domestic violence and digital abuse
In a local tragedy a week ago, a woman, Tracy Coleman, her brother and her 13-year-old son were shot to death by the woman's boyfriend, Sharif Whitlock. The murders took place 45 minutes after the woman had filed a domestic violence complaint against her boyfriend. The perpetrator fled the scene and later hanged himself. The case was the lead incident in a story published yesterday by my local newspaper, the Press of Atlantic City. It was entitled, Hamilton Twp. shooting deaths show familiar domestic violence outcome. The well-done story focused on the larger issue of domestic violence. In Atlantic County, New Jersey over the last two years, 13 people have been killed in domestic violence …