By Ox Drover Many of the people who have been victims of a sociopath have commented here at Lovefraud about how much “different” breaking up with a sociopath is than a “regular” break up, how much more painful. I've read comments from former victims about how intense the feelings are after being conned by a sociopath whatever the relationship has been, whether family member, spouse, lover, or child. I have also felt these same profoundly hurtful feelings as I have worked my way along the difficult and rocky road toward healing. Even though my profession was as a registered nurse practitioner, and I've studied “the grief process” as outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, one of the people who ha …
Disturbing cases of atypical abusers
Last week, Lovefraud readers brought two disturbing cases of abuse to my attention. The cases were disturbing because of the depraved actions of the perpetrators, and because most people would not suspect that they were predators at all. The Lovefraud reader BloggerT7165 sent me a link to the case of Jessica Banks, a 65-year old woman from Moreno Valley, California, who was convicted in July of 13 counts of child abuse and two counts of sexual penetration by force and fear. Two weeks ago she was sentenced to two consecutive life terms. The Lovefraud reader Ox Drover alerted me to a recent program on ABC's 20/20 called Handsome Devil: The man who spread HIV. It recounts the case of …
Sometimes “victory” is simply walking away upright
By Ox Drover Donna's great article about Victory, of a sort, over a sociopath the other day got me to thinking. Just what is “victory?” My wonderful stepfather was a young basketball coach when he got his first real job coaching for a very small rural school which had not had a winning game in over a decade. The team was dispirited and had no real expectation of ever winning a game. One of the local coaches bragged that he would beat them “by a hundred points!” at the next game. The team thought there was a good possibility that that coach's team could do just that. However, it is “good sportsmanship” for a coach playing a much weaker team to let their second, third, and fourth strings g …
Victory, of sorts, against the sociopath
Dennis SanSeverino is in jail. Trish Rynn, from whom he scammed more than $350,000, put him there. How did she do it? Legwork and persistence. Lovefraud initially posted this case on our True Lovefraud Stories page in February 2008. The headline is, First he flashes wads of cash, then he steals her home and inheritance. That pretty much sums up what happened to Trish Rynn. Unfortunately, Lovefraud has heard from plenty of people with similar experiences. They fell in love with the sociopath, trusted him or her, and lost everything. The difference with this case, however, is that Trish Rynn fought back. She reported him to New Jersey law enforcement authorities and actually got him …
Dealing with the root cause of the problem
By Ox Drover One of the first things I learned in nursing school was to correctly diagnose the problem before trying to fix it. I wish I had applied this lesson to my own personal life as well as I applied it to my professional life. We were taught that when there was a perceived need, for example, when the patient was feeling short of breath, to assess why the patient might be feeling short of breath. Was the airway obstructed? If the airway was clear, then what was another likely cause of the problem? Sometimes a patient who is very anxious will feel very short of breath when they are actually getting plenty of oxygen, (as measured by a “pulse ox—”a little gismo that you clip on the pati …
Attracting a new relationship after the sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: I have a question for you. I've been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I've tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I'm so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. If you've had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you're feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet …
Psychopaths thrive amid confusion, inexperience and denial
Bernie Madoff swindled an estimated $50 billion from investors in his hedge fund, and in March 2009, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He was sentenced to 150 years in jail. But if the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), which is charged with regulating the securities business, had been doing its job, Madoff could have been stopped years earlier. In a scathing report issued last week, the SEC's inspector general, H. David Kotz, summarized six substantial complaints that the agency received about Madoff dating back as far as 1992. The SEC conducted two investigations and three examinations into the complaints, and never identified Madoff's Ponzi scheme. The good news is that Kotz …
Psychopaths thrive amid confusion, inexperience and denialRead More
Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?
Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love's mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life? In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged? You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline: Steve Becker, LCSW: Love's Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting …
Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?Read More
Can Michael Vick change his behavior?
Nearly two weeks ago, watching the Philadelphia Eagles play the New England Patriots in a pre-season game, I heard TV commentators talking about the newest addition to the Eagles roster: dog-murderer Michael Vick. The news soon became official. The Philadelphia Eagles signed Michael Vick, the former star quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who just completed a 23-month sentence for running a dog fighting ring. Vick spent 18 months in prison, then served the rest of his sentence in home confinement. Thousands of Eagles fans were outraged. “As a lifetime Philadelphia sports fan, I'm reeling from the Eagles' signing of Michael Vick, justifiably the most hated man in sports,” wrote Dan Bro …
True and pithy observations about narcissists
Editor's Note: Laughs in the e-mail today sent by a Lovefraud reader. Enjoy! Narcissist sayings about themselves: "A lie is as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it.'" "I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me." About Narcissists: "He was the only man I ever knew that could strut while sitting down." "Every narcissist woman wants a man she can look down on." "There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate." "She was truly a legend in her own mind" Things it is better NOT to say to a Narcissist: "I'd love to stay and listen to you talk about yourself, but I gotta run." "Before you begin, may I adjust your …