Editor's Note: This is another email from the Lovefraud reader whom we're calling “Adelle.” She previously contributed, Are you seeing someone else? This time she relates the freedom that comes with losing the fear of What Ifs.I finally left my SP and like the alka-seltzer commercial used to say, “Oh what a relief it is.” My decision to leave was made a long time ago. Today I thought to myself, “Why didn't I do this sooner?”I didn't do it sooner because of fear, of course. I had so many “What Ifs?” I never questioned whether it was in my best interest, I knew it was. The “What Ifs?” were in reference to him. What if he contacts my friends and tries to make me look bad? What if he does da …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I provided her a road map to my life
Editor's Note: The following post was written by a Lovefraud reader who comments as RobertinSeattle. He realized that in providing detailed answers in an online profile, he provided a female predator with a road map to his life.Boy, I've started and re-started this post several times. Each time, a new idea or thought comes up that changes what I want to convey in my first open post about a recent breakup that started from a popular online dating site.But let me start off with some general observations: I've noted on many websites and blogs that sociopaths make up anywhere from 1% - 4% of our society. And that male sociopaths outnumber females by as many as 8-to-1. While I might agree with …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What would you do and what would you think?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Maryjane." She describes a lifetime of abuse from her family members, and asks 'what would you do?'If your husband, whom you found out had affairs all during your marriage, had a child with his secretary, paid her hush money, came on to your mother, grandmother, and another sister, told you that he had an affair with your sister during the time frame that you were readying for divorce, would you believe him? Also, this man gambled away most all the money in the marriage on football and golf betting (at a country club that you were the member of, not him, as he ran up bills) and was an alcoholic.And at the …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Email to self – do not go back to the disordered partner!
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as “Duped no more!" She wanted to remind herself why she should not go back to the disordered partner{A brief definition of my breaking NC, after almost 9 months, and a brief explanation of the experience and what I would say if I had to explain it to someone else. I had to send it to myself because there is nobody else but you who would understand}"I went back for you, with my heart in my hand and you just devoured it with no care nor consceince."Nothing has changed; don't listen no more; don't go back! This is it.I have seen and heard what I needed to and now it's time to move forward once and for all.I have s …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A thank you note to my sociopath
Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader "Adelle." It's a thank you note to the sociopath who targeted her. You'll see why. To the sociopath: I just want to thank you for all the things you do that keep me away from you! Had you not done those things or continue to do them, I may have thought you'd changed. You know we here at Lovefraud sometimes give you sociopaths too much credit! You guys are not as bright and slick as we think you are. You keep doing the things that confirm who and what you are. If you would just walk away, respect and accept the fact that you have been dumped, maybe you could fool us again into thinking you have an ounce of dignity. …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We met at church – I thought he was a decent man
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as "Radar_On" sent the following letter about a man she met at church and married. She thought he was a decent man.How does one begin to tell the tale of the masquerade and the swath of destruction at the hands of liars, narcissists, sociopaths, and so on? The psychological, emotional, mental damage that has been inflicted upon us is too much for the "normal" person to comprehend. Unless someone has been through, and survived living through situations like this, average people just can't understand, or relate!I am a 52yr. old woman that has been through much in my life. This current situation is my 3rd. marriage. My first ex husband (my …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mother as sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: The following email was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "OpalRose" about her sociopathic mother.I'm not a good writer, but I've learned so much the past 3 years from Love Fraud that I decided to write about my “Long Night's Journey into Day” about emerging from childhood with a sociopathic mother.My first experience of something amiss that stuck with me was probably pre-school when she had a full-blown temper tantrum that I brought her too many envelopes. She had asked for “a few envelopes” and I had brought 7 — she even counted them out and screamed that I should know that “a few” means 3. So much for my ability to read minds. She insisted that “if …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Partners in an unhealthy dance
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a woman who posts as Willow888. She wrote about her unhealthy dance with a sociopath.I recently started to work through the awful morass of feelings that follow an interaction with a disordered person. These people are such deceptive and expert manipulators they can apparently draw in even the healthiest of partners, partly because their behavior is beyond normal imagining and experience. Just as we're taught to drive a car defensively, to suppose that every other driver is asleep at the wheel, we could still get taken unawares by a driver who aims at us head on, deliberately. That we wouldn't necessarily be ready …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call Hilary, who wrote about how much we want to believe the romantic story. Names are changed.The night before I met Nick, I had a vivid nightmare. I lost sight of a caring man in a chaotic crowd, a baby was murdered, and I was poisoned. I awoke and heard, "Wait for the right one. Don't try to save him. You'll ruin yourself and your future." The thought was so pervasive that, although I was perplexed, I wrote it down.The following afternoon, I met Nick (with whom I'd connected on a dating site) on his boat at the local marina, and an afternoon sail turned into an “accidental” dinner with his par …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voice
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader. She learned the hard way how important it is to listen to your inner voice.When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I.After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into marriage …