How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Leaving the abuser, then expected to co-parent

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gloria."I have been divorced from my abusive husband (mental, physical, sexual against me but he NEVER LEFT A MARK ON ME) for 11 years and we have 3 teenagers together. I have known him 20 years. For most of this time, I have been puzzled about why I could not "move on" after the divorce.Yes, I left him. During the marriage I did not know the name "abusive," so I just kept trying to be a good wife and mother, fulfill my marriage commitment, etc., but then I woke up just enough to know that it was "abusive" and I left. We had gone to about 8 couples counselors during the marriage, and I a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: They are everywhere and they inflict serious damage

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “Trista.” We previously posted her story, “LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was dismissed with a shrug.” Well, Trista's story continues.I have written to you long ago telling how my S husband destroyed my life. I would never think that I would meet another one, even worst than the first. I wonder why I attract those people.This is a sad story that is still now breaking my heart. I'm giving this to you and to the site.I'm writing from Brazil, where I moved after my divorce. The very first week here I was looking for a flat and someone told me about an estate agent who could help. I went to meet him one e …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I want the woman back that I fell in love with, but I know it is impossible

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a man who posts as “Drained.'I guess I have been in a bit of a hole for a while now and have generally been going through a rough time, which in hindsight may have made me ripe for the picking by my sociopathic ex girlfriend.I had been unhappy in a previous long term relationship (prior to meeting my SP) for a considerable time, my ex partner is an amazing person, however we grew apart and were more suited as friends than lovers. I had been in this relationship for 12 years. My father passed away last year after losing his battle with cancer, which was incredibly hard to watch. I have been battling depression for some time a …

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I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less

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UPDATED FOR 2024: Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call “Chelsea.”Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man!My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was fli …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Final words to the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call “Judith.”I hope you read this, you know who you are.I have remained silent for too long. I never used my voice to express how I felt about your actions toward me. I stayed quiet while you stalked and harassed me when I chose to cut all ties with you. I was too worried about what would happen if I spoke up. During that time, I thought no reaction from me would be best and it was. I've since changed my mind and I have determined that there is a difference between "reacting" and using my voice to heal myself.In the last few years, I've done well. I never went back or got caught up in your drama, despite …

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Even though we break up, we continue to see each other

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When I was 45 years old and fresh out of a divorce, I started an almost 3-year long distance relationship with a man that is 18 years younger than me. It was supposed to just be fun and it was until it wasn't. We met on airplane, both of us going to work. He is an officer on a tugboat and I an administrator of a private independent school. We had 30 days of getting to know each other over text, phone calls and FaceTime while he was on the boat. Once off the boat we decided to meet and we met up every time he got home the entire course of this relationship. The first year was a situationship. He led me to believe there was no one else, yet we had not defined the relationship. Three …

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My journey through NPD abuse and the fight for my children 

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For over 15 years, I endured profound abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. His manipulation and control were pervasive, leaving me and our children in a state of constant fear and instability. When he finally left, he did so in a manner that ensured our suffering would continue. He abandoned us in a broken-down trailer, neglecting to pay rent for six months and placing a lien on our only car. With no money and no means to improve our situation, I was left with $20 in cash and the daunting task of figuring out how to survive. He took everything of value, including our tax money and all our savings, and told me to "figure it out." This was not just a financial blow but a calculated move …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: ‘Good Guy’ Gone Terribly Wrong

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman about a "good guy" gone wrong. She went public with her experience in order to draw attention to the terrible problem of domestic violence. The name she uses on Lovefraud is “Tormented.”In 2008, I divorced my husband of 18 years due to differences that unfortunately we couldn't work out. We have three amazing children together and remain good friends in spite of our divorce, which has made things much easier for all of us.Just five months after the divorce, I met a man who charmed me from the very beginning. I thought he was wonderful, and I quickly fell head over heels for him. A former county deputy she …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: ‘O like Umbrella,’ and the shut down mechanism

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Quest.” He identifies what he believes is the shut down mechanism that psychopaths use on their victims.As most of us know what its like to be a psychopath victim; I am not going to go into all the details of my relationship with a full-blown psychopathic woman that turned my life into a living hell in just 18 months. What I really want to talk about is the mental effects that this woman was able to inflict upon me without my conscious realisation; gaslighting it's called.Just so there is a little background, I am a 55-year-old male and split from my ex psychopath female mate three years ago. We w …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Things people say

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Last week, Lovefraud posted a letter from “Cybil,” I did not choose this guy. Here's more of her experience about "things people say."I'll call this, “Things people say, part II.” This is the other one that bugs me: "You're paranoid." I always have a good 24 hours of self-doubt before I realize they're the ones that are nuts, not me. I know a lot more about what crazy stuff is out there in the world than your average, never-tangled-with-a-sociopath human does.I just went to a seminar of a national expert on how domestic violence leads to murder, especially for women. Over and over he said, "Trust your instinct." He told the audience to take women seriously when they have the …

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