How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The dangers of friendship with a female predator

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as “Kerisee04.”How does a person know if they have engaged in a friendship with a female predator? So often it is the romantic relationships that are discussed, and usually about male sociopaths.First of all, it's important to note that if you are a male, to the female sociopath, you either a sexual target or a source of financial gain. In my experience with the female sociopath, in her mind, there is no man beyond her reach. She has sexual fantasies about all men she encounters and runs scenarios in her head to accomplish her goal. In my naive state of mind, I had no idea this particular female sociopath was after my h …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lied to myself as I became close to him again

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Ravenless Tower.” She realizes, as she wrote, that "I lied to myself."I'm going to be as concise as I can here - but like most of you the story is long. I wanted to tell it so there is a frame of reference to my posts for anyone who cares. I also wanted to get it down in writing, and out of my head. My intent is not to complain or to place blame, so much as to identify the issues that have helped to shape my choices and brought my ultimately to this board for support. The point of being here, for me, is not to hate, not to blame, but to accept responsibility and own the things in my life that need to be add …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Tangled in his twisted web

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received this letter from a reader named “Krzyluv” who found herself in a sociopath's twisted web.I would like to start by saying that a concerned friend referred me to this website, and I must say that I never in a million years would think that there was anyone out there who was like me, or would ever believe what has happened to me and my children. The stories and blogs I have read have inspired so much strength and courage inside of this empty shell of a woman that I have become! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having such an inspiring website as this. It makes me think that if all these women can be that brave and do it, so can I.My story starts a lit …

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Why I wrote ‘Defying Silence’

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Editor's note: Hera McLeod announces her new book, "Defying Silence: A Memoir of a Mother's Loss and Courage in the Face of Injustice," about the murder of her young son by his father. She previously contributed to Lovefraud under the name, "Cappuccino Queen," as she was in the midst of her concerns about the safety of her son. Read her articles here.By Hera McLeodTwo weeks after giving birth to my son Prince, I discovered that everything I knew about my son's father was a lie. After a 12-month custody battle, full of terrifying evidence that I uncovered, Prince's father murdered him during the fourth unsupervised visitation. Parts of my son's case have been reported about in the …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What Would You Do?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "SocioSibs." She asks, "what would you do?"What if you have reason to believe that someone you know is a serious danger to others?  You've known this person almost all your life, grew up together in the same family.Until recently, this person had a huge menagerie of animals housed on an acre of land, including a horse, 13 dogs, 5 cats, turkeys & peacocks and possibly a parrot or 2.  Yet when she abandoned the property, all but 2 dogs she took with her disappeared in a span of just weeks.  Subsequent to this person's latest move (one of 25 or so over a half-century), you found a couple of canine c …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The long grift

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Editor's note: The following story was received from a reader whom we'll call “Violet” about her experience with a long grift, not of money, but of intimacy.I knew L when we worked together at a call centre as customer service representatives. He seemed nice, and he had lovely, expressive brown eyes and a gentle nature. I was losing weight at the time, and he asked for my help, so of course I gave him advice and tips. He began to lose weight, and he invited me over to his and his girlfriend, M's, apartment for dinner and to show him some 'exercise moves' (now I think it was mostly an excuse to ogle me). He looked at me very intently, it wasn't menacing, but I definitely felt like he wanted to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lost and really need help

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as BentNotBroken. She is having difficulty breaking off an involvement with a sociopath and really needs help.My head is so full that I don't really know where to start.I dated a man (off and on) for 2-1/2 years, and recently found out that he was having several long-term relationships at the same time. I had never been in an abusive relationship, so I didn't know what the gut-wrenching feeling meant. I didn't know to trust it.My mind is playing tricks on me at this point. Is he or isn't he? The signs are so obvious, but then I think of his face, his touch, his words, and I melt. How can this man — this love of m …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who we'll call “Kay.” She discovered that her magic relationship was all about him.Kay and the Loser in Aluminum FoilHe was prince charming, at least to me he was. We liked the same music, the same food, we spoke about the same topics, liked frequenting the same places, everything was so right.My friends, however, had a complete aversion to his instant overbearing interest in all things Kay. He completely immersed himself in my life and was constantly "making sure" I was okay. He made sure he monopolized all my time. He would call me approximately 20-25 times a day. During working hours he made sure he called me at lea …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: When The Player becomes The Played

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who we'll call Lorraine. She is 51 years old and lives in Australia. The name of the man she was involved with has been changed.I became involved with David, 49, after joining up to the dating site in September last year when I was emotionally down after a divorce and being on my own for awhile. I have heard both good and bad stories about online romances and was fully aware of women being ripped off financially. Well that was never going to happen to me, for I am too smart for that. But quite clearly not too smart for being taken emotionally.Within days of placing my profile complete with photo of myself I had received lots …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received this letter from a reader who we'll call “Abigail.” She relates how she felt bonded to a man, even after he brutally assaulted her.I grew up very sheltered in an ultra-religious family; I had no knowledge whatsoever about deceitful liars. I should have because my also very innocent and trusting mother was misled by one man like that, who deceived her, promising her marriage, just to end up getting her pregnant (with me) and then leave her and us for good. My family, however, preferred to deal with this issue by keeping it as much secret as possible, so unfortunately I couldn't learn from my mother's mistakes.I have been sheltered in a "glass box" all my lif …

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