Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Mr. Invincible and other Un-Inspiring Characters By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide As many of your know, having come out of relationships with sociopaths often we feel powerless. Some like Donna and others like myself have felt inspired to speak up and share our stories and talk about their experiences. I had this little voice that wanted to shout from the rooftops in the hope that o …
Might does not make right
By Ox Drover Sometimes former victims of psychopaths have voiced to me that they just want others to know that the psychopath was not the victim, but the abuser. Former victims are frustrated that others don't recognize someone is an abuser. Many times the actual victim has instead been painted by the real abuser as the “bad guy.” I remember reading a letter from my psychopathic son from his prison cell who told me in the letter he knew that I had to be the one who was “wrong” because he got along with everyone in the family circle and I got along with no one, so therefore I had to be the one “in the wrong.” Well, democratically voting on something does not make something “right,” it …
If someone is violent, they are capable of worse
By Ox Drover Recently on Lovefraud there have been several people who have talked about how their ex-significant others have been violent, and yet they still have strong feelings for these (mostly) men. The readers find it difficult to go “no contact” and refuse to listen to the pleas of these guys to get back with them. Statistics show that more women are hurt or murdered at the time that they are breaking up with someone who has formerly been violent than at any other time. Breaking up with someone who is physically violent can be dangerous. Staying with someone who has proven they are physically dangerous and capable of violence is more dangerous. Here are stories about an ex-cop …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: None of us stood a chance if I didn’t get out
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we'll call “Laurel.” She married Frank as a teenager and had five children with him. Her oldest, Amy, is 19 in the story and married to Matt. Her son, Andy, is 14. Names have been changed. I knew I was leaving. I had been plotting for months, since my first few tastes of TRUE freedom and being around normal people, that I was getting myself and my children out. I had been saving and accumulating paperwork, solid proof of income for months. Keeping it safe and duplicating everything. One morning I walked into Frank's bedroom to give him his coffee and do whatever bidding he had in mind on his IPad, when it occ …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: None of us stood a chance if I didn’t get outRead More
Once we know what they are–we must maintain No Contact
By Ox Drover One of the themes that seems to run throughout the stories of many of, if not most of, the people who have had experiences with psychopaths is that we have either had repeated episodes of being abused by the same psychopath, even after we saw their dishonesty, or had episodes of being sucked into the webs of multiple psychopaths. Or, we have both of these—multiple episodes with multiple psychopaths. Most of the people I have known who were formerly victims of psychopaths are not stupid. In fact, some of the smartest, most accomplished people I know are former victims, and have been repeatedly victimized by one psychopath after finding out that this person was dishonest and …
Once we know what they are–we must maintain No ContactRead More
Being a “judgmental person” is more than okay–it is wise
By Ox Drover Many people think of the term “judging others” in a negative way. I think a lot of this comes from the Biblical admonition found in which Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1). Matthew 7:2-5 says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” What Jesus was condemning here was hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others. I frequently hear others say, “Well, I'm not judging him ”¦” when they talk about how someone they know has done something that is less than morally upright. When I was a young person in this community of mostly Scots-Irish Protestants, people were fr …
Being a “judgmental person” is more than okay–it is wiseRead More
BOOK REVIEWS: Looking at love and fraud from both sides
By Ox Drover I just finished reading the dueling autobiographies of the disgraced former governor of New Jersey, James E. McGreevey, and his ex-wife, Dino Matos McGreevey. His book is called The Confession and hers is called Silent Partner. Former Governor McGreevey, as you may remember, publicly announced in 2004 that he was resigning as governor of New Jersey because he was being blackmailed by a former homosexual lover. As he pronounced to the world that he was a “gay American,” as he styled himself, his then-wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, stood beside him with a stricken deer-in-the-head-lights look. Many times we get a book from one or the other of two aggrieved parties that sur …
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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: It was all for ‘our’ business, ‘our’ future
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader in Belgium who posts as “Nicola0903.” English is not her first language. Four years with a Sociopath. He was my best friend, my family, my soul mate, my lover, my business partner. I was 29, a foreigner in Belgium, with already some life experiences. Because my ex-business partner and ex-boyfriend that time decided suddenly to leave our brand new company, I stood there ”¦ Alone ”¦ with new clean sheet with “BVBA with marketing activities” on it — my job and hobby. I started “to swim between the sharks” and with success till I met HIM. “HE” was one of my first big clients. A charming, a good looking guy, around 40, an …
TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: It was all for ‘our’ business, ‘our’ futureRead More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I do not know my stepdaughter anymore
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader in Australia who we'll call “Lana.” All of the names below are pseudonyms. Everything had been quite on the Spath front for a while. But I have worked out over the past 3 years there is always something lurking, ready to rear its ugly head especially when there are children involved. Two weeks ago I received a call from Gary, a man that my ex-husband (Steve, the spath) worked for a year ago and ripped off. Gary knew where I was working, and being in the same industry, knew my boss. He asked my boss if I could call him a few months ago and we have been in touch since. Gary told me Steve had constantly made threats on m …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I do not know my stepdaughter anymoreRead More
How to Eat an Entire Cow in Ten Minutes
By Ox Drover If I told you that you had to eat an entire cow, do you think you could do it? How about if I told you that you had to eat an entire cow in only ten minutes? Do you think you could do it? “Holy cow! I can't do that!” you might say. Well, I think we all have our personal “cows” that we try to eat. Big jobs or big projects that we look at and say “Noooooo way, I can't eat all of that!” So having seen this particular “cow” as too big to swallow in one bite, we never even attempt to eat it. We just let it sit there in the middle of our lives, using up our resources, taking up space, and growing bigger by the day! Every time we look at this “pet cow,” it is bigger and bigger and …