I recently received a very short email that asked a very important question. Here it is: Can you give me some advice on how to deal with people who proclaim that I'm worth nothing? By way of background, the email came from a young woman whom we'll call "Alma." Alma is a college student who first wrote to me back in January. A man who supervised her during her summer internship showed interest in her. Although the young woman initially did not respond, he pursued and pursued, until, thinking that he really loved her, Alma finally accepted him. Then, when she left the internship, the man dumped her. Alma was traumatized and could not concentrate on her studies. But people around her …
‘Justified’ highlights the differences between killers and psychopaths
One of my favorite television shows ever, Justified, just came to an end. After six seasons, the series finale of this smart, sophisticated crime drama, set in redneck Kentucky, aired on Tuesday, April 14, 2015. That morning, the Philadelphia Inquirer ran an article by Tirdad Derakhshani previewing the grand finale. Derakhshani wrote that the main character, U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens (played by Timothy Olyphant), had "the best lawman swagger since John Wayne." I agree. Here's how Derakhshani described the marshall: "A latter-day cowboy who inhabits a strange, surreal version of Harlan County, Ky., Raylan is a gunslinger for the ages. One who kills. Again. And again. He's more of a …
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He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 3 of 3.
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Corrine." Read Part 1 and Part 2 When my ex returned to my hometown, his behavior was the worst ever, as I discussed previously. And while I lived around my family, he had distanced us from them. It was only after my oldest son had a nightmare that I was shot (he was 12 yrs old) and my daughter (just 3 yrs old) was afraid from nightmares and wanted to stay with me to sleep, (both episodes occurring within 24 hours) I sought an ex parte against him. I remember telling my children that they'd come to realize it was for the best. Again, it was my 8 yr old son who emphatically stated, "we already know it's …
He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 3 of 3.Read More
He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 2 of 3.
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Corrine." Read Part 1. We were working together, but would come home to an environment that continued to whittle away at me. He would leave on the weekends or whenever something happened to a community member. He ignored me physically and emotionally, even if he brought me with him on weekends away. We would stay in his parents' home. He would go out and leave me there, alone. (His parents would take my son into their bedroom and close the door during this time.) I wasted away spiritually and physically. Eventually, my father came over to ask what was happening. He (anyone really) could easily see me …
He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 2 of 3.Read More
He was trying to kill me, and almost did: Part 1 of 3
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Corrine." I'd like to preface my story by describing my childhood. I led a charmed existence. I was smart and idealistic. I chose the field of medicine, despite my passion for writing, because I wanted to see humanity on its most fundamental level. My parents are hard working, and have built an empire from the ground up. As a young woman, I never would have imagined I'd become a victim to domestic violence. Nor did I dream I'd ever divorce. And it didn't happen overnight. There were layers upon layers of abuse that came in many forms, starting as attacks to my self-esteem. When I finally looked up …
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Research links stress and a bad relationship to high blood pressure
Research conducted by the University of Michigan links stress, negative relationship quality and high blood pressure in older married couples. Findings: Husbands had higher blood pressure when their wives reported greater stress. Husbands who reported greater stress had lower blood pressure when their wives reported lower stress. Wives who reported greater stress had lower blood pressure when their husbands reported greater stress. The researchers speculated that these findings were due to the fact that husbands relied on their wives for support, whereas wives had a broader support network. According to the paper, "When both partners reported higher levels of negative relationship qu …
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How long does it take to recover from a sociopath?
Most of you who come to Lovefraud are here because you suspect, or have concluded, that your partner is a sociopath. You are shocked, traumatized, betrayed, disappointed, angry. You may know, on an intellectual level, that you need to end the relationship, but you may find it hard to take the steps to do it. Or, you have already ended the relationship and are working to maintain No Contact with the individual, even as he or she pleads, cries or threatens, trying to draw you back into the web. Whatever your circumstances, you feel terrible. Your emotions range from grief to sadness to disappointment to fear to anger to hatred. Internally, you're a churning hot mess, and you want an answer …
Fraud prevention tips and checklists
Marie from Elderimpact.org is appalled by all the fraudulent activity in society, and is on a mission to fight it. "I've been moved to action after a family member was taken advantage of by a scammer in Las Vegas, who banked on her love and dedication to her family and convinced her to wire him thousands of dollars before vanishing without a trace," Marie says to Lovefraud.  "I can't help but think that if we had taken steps to alert her to such scams — how to recognize them, how to be effectively cautious with her information, etc. — this could have been prevented." Here's Marie's list of websites with important information for preventing fraud. Take a look and share the links with eve …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Am I a victim of a psychopath?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman from India whom we'll call "Nisa." I had a relationship with a man in the last year. He was in his separation at that time. I gradually fall for him. He told me about his wife and said that she cheated him in a very bad way by involving with another guy and she is not normal, has dual personality disorder. I felt the pain of this person in my heart and gradually became attached to him. As the day passes I started loving him. He said he loves me a lot. 'I fell as a boyfriend, I fell as a husband for you,' this was his language. Till one and a half months things were going good, but after that he became very possessive. He …
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Why I wrote ‘The One That Got Away’
By Brigitte Knowles It was 2011, a good year. I made $235,000.00 in my business that year and was at the top of my game. I went out for drinks with a girlfriend in Delray Beach, Florida. My life was only about work and I did not realize that I was out of balance. I had not gone out to a club for years and at 55, I was not a frequent dater, celibate for 5 years. I was ripe for the picking. I did not know that there were Financial Predators in this world. I was targeted by an Italian man who professed true love and wanted to do real estate business with me. He asked for down payments to buy distressed housing in West Palm Beach. We visited several with two real estate agents, mine and his. …