How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Bernice." I had been out of an 18-year marriage for a year when I met my lovefraud. My husband was a selfish man who enjoyed his pornography. At the beginning I tried to be the good wife, experience things with him. The pornography I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy. I explained to him that for me it was a major turn off, almost sickening some of it. All that accomplished was him watching alone. When the children came along we only grew further apart. Over the rest of the marriage he became more and more independent from the children and I, often treating us like we were an inconvenience. He would …

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Why We Don’t Believe in Badness

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey Throughout graduate school for social work, when the professors were teaching us about how to establish a working therapeutic relationship with a client, they repeatedly drove into us to “have unconditional positive regard for the client.” Implied in that phrase is the stance that we cannot accurately help someone we have prejudged. We learned first and foremost to see the valuable human being behind the behavior, to have compassion, and understand the reasons that brought a person to their present circumstance, even if it is criminal behavior. People in the helping profession are there in the first place because they are hopeful …

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Revisiting prevailing myths about sociopaths

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 As I work with partners and other victims of sociopaths, I see regularly the persistence of certain myths about these destructive individuals. These myths can retard the process by which partners fully recognize the sociopath for who he is. They can protect him by supporting his “mask” or, at the very least, supporting the “rationalizations” his partners and victims sometimes use to “cut him the slack” he surely doesn't deserve. For instance, commonly I hear the position, “Well, he's not always like this. He doesn't always act like this.” This supports the notion that sociopaths are continuously flaunting their disorder. But this just isn't the case. To begin with, we know that many soc …

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Managing the Chess Game of Court Ordered Visitation with a Psychopath

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I have blogged previously about the nightmare of a court order supervised exchange professional.  In the past two weeks, I have really started to wonder if I am dealing with two psychopaths instead of just one — my spath ex AND this court ordered supervisor.  It has become abundantly clear that this woman chooses to meddle and fuel drama on some occasions and then on others she decides she wants to remain “neutral”.  Today Luc (the spath ex and my sons unfortunately sperm donor) had another court ordered visitation.  (Note:  Luc hasn't had a seven hour visit for a month and the last time my son ended up in the hospital)  The events that occurred at the drop off have me wondering about whether …

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Following the ex on Facebook inhibits emotional recovery

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Here's more proof that total No Contact is the way to recovery. A new study finds that continuing to follow a former romantic partner on Facebook after breaking up makes it harder to move on. Read: Study: Stalking your ex on Facebook is bad for you, on ZDNet.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A hard fought battle, but no regrets

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as "RobertInSeattle." I've been running into sociopaths all my life often when I least expected it. And believe me when I tell you the more I learn, the less I know! As I've been delving into all of this more deeply than I ever have in the past (all because of my breakup earlier this year with my most recent sociopath encounter), it's finally gotten me to looking much farther back into my own long history with them. There was so little discussion and certainly few if any online support groups in years past that actually addressed sociopathy when I went through my first divorce which started back in 1989. Many …

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Help me understand: questions and observations in the aftermath

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This past year, I began speaking publicly on domestic violence and psychopathy.  As many of you know, I feel that I have a bit of a responsibility to educate others on the matter.  As a result, from time to time, people contact me or put their friends in touch with me if they suspect I can somehow help them make sense of their experiences.  Some are in the beginning phases of understanding abusive personalities and/or psychopathy, while others have no idea what has rocked their worlds. Last week, someone who was struggling to find answers asked me a series of questions.  Not only were they excellent, but they were ones that we have all probably asked. "How did such an intelligent, str …

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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: Snagged by a sociopath on Facebook and Twitter

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alexa." I'd like to tell you a brief story of something that lasted nearly 3 years ALL ON SOCIAL MEDIA and the telephone. I am a 27-year-old Law Student with a Master's Degree in Sociology and Criminology of all things and this happened to me. A raging feminist who rarely dated somehow fell helpless prey to a sociopath. This was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life and now I can see him doing it to someone else. I went to law enforcement with no avail because of the Internet and my lack of real knowledge of who he is. It began with love bombing he friended me on Facebook and liked almost …

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My Psychopath Sperm Donor Used My Child to Trap Me- It Backfired!

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I grew up believing that no matter what happened — a woman's role was to keep her Family together.  I believed that having a mother AND a father in the home together was the best scenario no matter what.  Clearly, this was before I met pure evil - my son's sperm donor “Luc”.  While my family growing up was not perfect, the problems we suffered now seem as if they were “minor league” and life with Luc was like “major league” problems.  While I was in it, however, I remember fighting like hell, turning the other cheek, and making excuses in an attempt to convince myself that it was still possible for me to keep this “family” together so that my son could have two parents. The handcuffs I cre …

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10 things sociopaths want (besides money)

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A Lovefraud reader recently asked the following question: If the sociopath is not in it for money (he pays for everything with no access to my accounts) then what are other reasons to stay in a relationship if he doesn't live with me nor do we share anything financially? Many of the posts I have read involve financial fraud. If a sociopath has targeted you, it's because you have something that he or she wants. Often it's money, but not always. Here are 10 more things that the sociopath may want: 1. Sex Sociopaths crave stimulation, and sex is highly stimulating, so they pursue it. However, sociopaths are not slaves to their physical urges. They often use sex primarily as a tool of …

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